Per 
Item #: SCP-3583
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedure: SCP-3583 is to be kept in a Standard Humanoid Containment Cell furnished with one (1) white pine tree, a chair, and a fireplace. The pine tree and the room are to be decorated with Christmas ornaments at all times. On the first day of each month, one (1) D-class personnel scheduled for termination is to be moved into SCP-3583s chamber by at least two (2) guards with level 3 clearance. SCP-3583 should not be asked about the meaning of “Naughty”. SCP-3583 should not be allowed to leave its cell except for research purposes; testing regarding SCP-3583 requires the approval of the site director and at least two on-site senior researchers. SCP-3583 should not be allowed to leave its cell under all circumstances. Following incident 17-3583-02, testing on SCP-3583 is to be discontinued per order of O5-█. See Experiment Log 3583-D. In case of containment breach, a recontainment team is to be dispatched, and site lockdown is to be issued until SCP-3583 is recontained. Under no circumstances should force be used against SCP-3583; any personnel that inflicts physical violence on SCP-3583 is to be terminated immediately.
SCP-3583 is currently kept in site-17.
Description: SCP-3583 is a Caucasian male in his sixties, 188 cm (6’2”) tall and 112 kg (247 lb) in weigh, with short white hair, long white beard, and an excessive amount of fat buildup on its abdomen. SCP-3583 can understand most languages, though it prefers English and usually starts or ends its speech with the phrase “ho ho ho”. It has a slightly above average intelligence based on tests provided to it, and is cooperative when treated politely. However, SCP-3583 does not respond when questioned about its origins.
SCP-3583 refers to itself as “Kris”, is dressed in a red and white costume, and always carries a red sack, hereby designated SCP-3583-01. Analysis shows that SCP-3583 is biologically identical to humans, although it does not require any form of maintenance to survive. However, SCP-3583 does consume cookies and eggnog produced from SCP-3583-01 on a daily basis.
On the first day of each month, SCP-3583 will start “hunting”: first, it will acquire a ████████ shotgun, hereby designated SCP-3583-02, from within SCP-3583-01; then it will approach and attack the closest human adult with SCP-3583-02, exclaiming, “Ho ho ho, you have been naughty”. Once its victim loses the ability to resist, it will put the victim into SCP-3583-01, and [REDACTED]. At this moment, SCP-3583 will put SCP-3583-02 back into SCP-3583-01 and return to its “calm” state. SCP-3583-02 acts like a regular ████████ shotgun and displays no anomalous properties during the “hunt”.
SCP-3583 cannot be physically harmed, and any form of physical violence directed at SCP-3583 will provoke it into its “enraged” state: SCP-3583 will acquire SCP-3583-02 and shoot at the provoker regardless of distance and physical obstruction until the provoker is eliminated. When used by SCP-3583 during its “enraged” state, bullets fired from SCP-3583-02 have an extremely high velocity and penetration (with the highest recorded velocity of █████km/hour), which seems to be proportional to the distance between SCP-3583 and its provoker. Chemical analysis shows that the bullets fired from SCP-3583-02 are made of [DATA EXPUNGED], a metal of extreme density; analysis of SCP-3583-02 is impossible due to SCP-3583’s refusal to produce SCP-3583-02 for research purposes.
At █:00 p.m. on December 24 each year, SCP-3583 will exclaim “ho ho ho, time to go!” Then it will disappear from its containment cell, and reappear on █:00 a.m. of December 25th. When questioned about this disappearance, SCP-3583 replies, “Ho ho ho, it’s just my job.”
The link between SCP-3583 and SCP-239 is still under investigation.
Addendum 3583-01: Retrieval Report
On ██/██/20██, SCP-3583 came to the attention of the Foundation after Foundation agents intercepted a police report in the town of ██████████, Quebec about “an old man robbing a bakery store with a shotgun for cookies”. However, GOC agents arrived at the scene first; after confirming SCP-3583 as an anomaly, GOC snipers attempted to neutralize it, which provoked SCP-3583 into its “enraged” state. SCP-3583 fired █ shots at the sniper with SCP-3583-02, who was ███ meters away, which resulted in ███ casualties and the destruction of ██% of the city. Mobile Task Force Epsilon-6 (“Village Idiots”) then arrived at the scene. After negotiation with SCP-3583, it was transported to and contained at Site-17. Civilian witnesses were administered class B amnestics with false memory implant, and a cover story of natural gas explosion was released.
Addendum 3583-02: Excerpt from the transcript of Interview 3583-A
Interviewed: SCP-3583
Interviewer: Dr. █████
Foreword: this interview is taken after the containment of SCP-3583 at site-17.
<Begin Log>Dr. █████: What is your name?
SCP-3583: Ho ho ho, I’m Kris. Who are you?
Dr. █████: I’m Dr. Andrews █████.
SCP-3583: Ah, little Andrews! You are a doctor now? Ho ho ho, the Surgery toy set I gave you when you were eight must have come in handy for you, yeah?
Dr. █████: How do you know…
SCP-3583: Ho ho ho! Of course I do! I am old, but still not old enough to forget!
Dr. █████: (deep breath) So you gave me a gift in the year of ████, when I was eight?
SCP-3583: Ho ho ho, I did! And you like it a lot.
Dr. █████: Who are you? Santa?
SCP-3583: (unresponsive)
Dr. █████: Hello? Are you still with me?
SCP-3583: Yes?
Dr. █████: Let me try again. Who are you? Where are you from?
SCP-3583: (unresponsive)
Dr. █████: (sigh) Ok. I guess we are moving on. Why are you dressed the same as the appearance of Santa in an advertisement?
SCP-3583: Ho ho ho, that is how people expect me to look now. I used to look different.
Dr. █████: And why do you attack people at the beginning of each month?
SCP-3583: Ho ho ho, they have been naughty, and I punish naughty people.
Dr. █████: What do you mean by “naughty”?
SCP-3583: Naughty, little Andrews, is when you do bad things. And I know you have done bad things… (Manifests SCP-3583-02)
Dr. █████: What are you doing?! (Attempts to leave the interview room) Guar-
SCP-3583: … so you should also be punished! Ho ho ho! (Attacks Dr. █████ and puts him into SCP-3583-01)
<End Log>
Addendum 3583-03: Experiment Log 3583-D
Name: Dr. ████████
Date: ██-██-████
Procedure: an electric collar was attached to SCP-3583’s neck. After all non D-class personnel exited the test area, a D-class personnel within the test area activated the electric collar following the order of Dr. ████████.
Result: SCP-3583 became “enraged”, killing the D-class who activated the collar. Then SCP-3583 fired SCP-3583-02 towards Dr. ████████, who was in the observation room next to the test area, causing ██ casualties, destruction of ██% of site-17, and several major containment breaches. All experiments involving SCP-3583 was discontinued.
