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Item #: SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M
Item Class: Euclid
Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M are to be kept together in a standard 5 m x 5 m humanoid containment cell made of 3 mm thick steel walls. One (1) double bed is provided and to be cleaned once (1) a month. Personnel assigned to the SCP-XXXX holding cell should refrain from speaking to either entity and making eye contact. All personnel must leave the holding cell within 30 minutes of entering.
All testing involving SCP-XXXX are currently suspended (see Addendum.1).
Description: SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M are two humanoid entities, male and female respectively. Both appear to be middle aged adults of indeterminate ancestry (descriptions differ from person to person suggesting a mild telepathic influence). All ranges of hair, skin, and eye colors have been described.
Neither SCP-XXXX instances require sustenance or produce waste products. Sleep is likewise unnecessary but both SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M have been observed to enjoy the act.
SCP-XXXX-D refers to itself as "Dad" and SCP-XXXX-M refers to itself as "Mom" in the primary language of whomever they are addressing. Both will address and refer to all humans as "Mike" and appear incapable of differentiating between individuals. SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M believe themselves to be the parents of "Mike" and when in the vicinity of people will behave in typical parental fashion. This includes and is not limited to attempting to feed “Mike”, trying to help “Mike” with homework, doing chores for “Mike”, giving “Mike” The Talk, and etc. Gender, sex, and/or age of subject does not deter this behavior.
Prolonged proximal contact with SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M will result in the exposed subject to start believing that they themselves are “Mike” and take on typical teenage boy behaviors1. The amount of time spent in proximity to the XXXX instances is directly proportional to the time it takes for the original identity to reemerge2. After 72 hours the exposed subject is considered unsalvageable when the rewiring of personality and memories becomes permanent. No class of amnestic can reverse this effect. Permanently altered subjects are designated SCP-XXXX-MIKE.
SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M will become when “Mike” is removed from their presence but are quick to recover within 30 minutes. Introduction of a new subject resets behavior immediately. In cases where multiple subjects are in range, as long as at least one “Mike” remains within their proximity, removal of other subjects will not change SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M behavior. Both instances will become hostile if “Mike” comes under threat or harm in their immediate vicinity. Hostile behavior consists of angry shouting and attempts to get between “Mike” and the perceived threat. No extraordinary retaliation beyond normal human capabilities have been observed.
Similar hostile behavior is observed when SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M come under threat or are forcibly separated. However, after 24 hours of separation one of the XXXX instances will disappear and reappear next to the other without fail. Physical trauma may be inflicted unto SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M but without any lasting effect. All injuries, even fatal ones, heal within 24 of appearance. This immortality and healing factor do not extend to SCP-XXXX-MIKE instances.
Addendum.1: E-mail notice from site director ███████ to all staff personnel
To: Site-██ Staff
From: Director ███████
Subject: Testing regarding SCP-XXXX
Body: I know a lot of you have been having some fun with the two SCP-XXXX instances but regarding the amount of SCP-XXXX-MIKEs being created, and all the trouble it's been causing, I am suspending all further testing involving SCP-XXXX. For one, this is just a gross waste of D-Class personnel (they don’t grow on trees you guys). And also, contrary to popular belief I do not have the time to be keeping track and babysitting a bunch of teenage boys. I’m sure it’s really funny watching a bunch of grown D-Class adults running around acting like hormonal teenagers but this is just getting to be too much. We cannot keep relocating the SCP-XXXX-MIKE instances to larger containment cells everytime someone gets bored and decides to “test” a new one (I’m looking at you Dr. Brighton). We only have so much space and the guys down at accounting are getting tired of having to adjust our budget to make up for the new mouths to feed. We can’t terminate them due to complaints from the ethics committee and I don’t think I need to explain why it would be a terrible idea to release them.
So the next time you decide to conduct another “experiment” with SCP-XXXX (once again, looking at you Dr. Brighton), just remember that unless you want to be in charge of raising a literal man-child, first take the time to reconsider your decision. No, I am not bluffing. The next person to create a new Mike instance will be in charge of caring for it. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Sincerely,
████ ███████
Addendum.2: Discovery
SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M were discovered after multiple complaints were received from [REDACTED] about loud disturbances at St. ███████ Orphanage. Upon police arrival, it was discovered that SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M had taken up residence at the orphanage when they refused to vacate the premises after prompting by the orphanage staff. The children exhibited unusual behavior and the police officers had difficulties communicating with the staff members, who had also started to behave unusually. In the collected police report, Officer ███ described the behavior of the orphanage staff as "strange and immature." Later, SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M would be taken into police custody after refusing to show identification.
After 24 hours in the ██████ County Police Station holding cells, police staff also began to exhibit unusual behaviors. It was at this time that a field agent nearby notified the Foundation and a retrieval team was dispatched. Amnestics were then administered to all civilians involved.
During this period, ██ children at St. ███████ Orphanage had irreversibly become SCP-XXXX-MIKE instances and were later collected.
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. ██████
Subject: SC-XXXX-M, SCP-XXXX-D
Procedures: SCP-XXXX-M is placed into a 2 m x 2 m secure cell. Approximately 250 meters away, SCP-XXXX-D is placed into a separate but identical 2 m x 2 m cell.
Results: Both SCP-XXXX instances immediately exhibited signs of distress and agitation upon separation and continued to act in such a way for the entire duration of their separation. Exactly 24 hours later, SCP-XXXX-M disappeared from its cell and reappeared instantaneously in the cell SCP-XXXX-D was held.
Notes: I wonder what would happen if there was only enough room for one person in the cell. Maybe I’ll try that next time. -Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. ██████
Subject: SC-XXXX-M, SCP-XXXX-D
Procedures: SCP-XXXX-M is placed into a 400 mm x 400 mm x 1600 mm secure container. Approximately 250 meters away, SCP-XXXX-D is placed into a separate but identical 400 mm x 400 mm x 1600 mm container.
Results: Exactly 24 hours after separation, SCP-XXXX-M once again disappeared from its containment cell and reappeared within the cell of SCP-XXXX-D. Due to lack of available space, both SCP-XXXX instances suffered from several broken bones and other pressure-related injuries discovered upon removal from container. All injuries were recovered within the next 24 hours.
Notes: Smaller next time I think - Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. ██████
Subject: SC-XXXX-M, SCP-XXXX-D
Procedures: SCP-XXXX-M is placed into a container fitted to her exact dimensions as to allow only the smallest movements. Approximately 250 meters away, SCP-XXXX-D is placed into a separate container fitted to his exact dimensions.
Results: This time, SCP-XXXX-D disappeared from his containment unit, exactly 24 hours after separation, and reappeared within the containment cell of SCP-XXXX-M. Due to lack of available space [REDACTED] and approximately 6% was left intact. It took the full following 24 hours for both instances to fully recover from their injuries.
Notes: Well that was gross. I think I’m going to retire this form of experiment. I don’t think we’ll get much more out of it. Clearly space isn’t an issue for these two. I do wonder what would happen if they were left in such a state for a few hours but the janitorial staff are starting to give me glares so I think I’ll leave at this for now. -Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. ██████
Subject: SC-XXXX-M, SCP-XXXX-D
Procedures: SCP-XXXX-M is secured atop a raised platform 30 meters above the ground wide enough for one (1) person to stand on. Approximately 250 meters away, SCP-XXXX-D is secured onto a identical platform.
Results: On the 24 hour mark SCP-XXXX-D disappeared from its platform leaving behind its restraints. Upon appearance, where it emerged directly above SCP-XXXX-M, SCP-XXXX-D fell directly onto its partner and proceeded to fall off the side of the platform the entire 30 meters. SCP-XXXX-D temporarily expired when it hit the ground. SCP-XXXX-M expressed great distress upon seeing its husband's death.
Notes: Aside from anomalous behavior and the telepathic effects on people, they do seem for the most part to be just ordinary humans. Also, listening to SCP-XXXX-M sobbing wasn't a very pleasant experience. Especially since she looks and sounds almost like my mother. -Dr. ██████
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. Brighton
Subject: D-1918 (an average Caucasian man, 28 years old)
Procedures: Subject D-1918 is sent into SCP-XXXX containment cell and locked in for 24 hours.
Results: D-1918 was immediately on guard and appeared to be uncomfortable when approached by SCP-XXXX-D and SCP-XXXX-M. Both SCP-XXXX instances promptly began to address D-1918 as "Mike" and behaved in typical parental fashion, including asking the camera if they could have snacks to feed their son (a request which was granted). After several hours of exposure D-1918 relaxed and began to exhibit strange behaviors, notable in louder vocalizations, lowering of inhibitions, and a more affectionate disposition towards the SCP-XXXX instances. Upon removal from the containment unit SCP-XXXX-M and SCP-XXXX-D began to protest and appeared distressed. D-1918 himself seemed confused and upset as well.
During the initial interview following removal, D-1918 demanded to see his "parents" and expressed fear and confusion as to where he was. Questions about his life and experiences were met with confusion and difficulty recalling. It took D-1918 72 hours to fully recover.
Notes: -Dr. Brighton
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. Brighton
Subject: D-0235 (an average mixed-racial woman, 32 years old)
Procedures: Subject D-0235 is sent into SCP-XXXX containment cell and locked in for 48 hours.
Results: Initial responses and interactions correspond with previous test results. After several hours, D-0235 also begins to exhibit reduced inhibitions, a more affectionate disposition towards the SCP-XXXX instances, and confusion of identity SCP-XXXX-M and SCP-XXXX-D do not appear to recognize that D-0235 is a woman. After 24 hours, D-0235 appears fully converted and begins to exhibit great distress after discovering her female anatomy. Subject then begins to display clear signs of cognitive dissonance and begins to lash out at the SCP-XXXX instances. Experiment aborted 5 hours early due to concerns of potential self-harm.
During initial interview following removal, D-0235 was wholly uncooperative, believing that she had been kidnapped and experimented on by a secret government facility. She demanded to see her parents and that the facility "give back my dick". It took subject D-0235 128 hours to fully recover.
Notes: She wasn't completely wrong about the kidnap and experiment part. -Dr. Brighton
Date: ██/██/████
Head Researcher: Dr. Brighton
Subject: D
Procedures:
Results:
Notes: -Dr. Brighton
Unregistered SCP-XXXX rewards card_
A/N: Image will be edited to look more realistic. This is just temporarily in place.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Item Class: Safe
Containment Procedure: Collected instances SCP-XXXX are to be stored in a locked box at Site-██. No further special containment procedures are necessary. Field personnel are to periodically browse cashier counters for instances of SCP-XXXX and collect them for containment.
Instances of SCP-XXXX-A are to be taken in for debriefing and possible containment. Instances of SCP-XXXX-A are not to be restrained at this time. (See Addendum.4: Incident-Log-XXXX-2)
Description: SCP-XXXX is a gold plastic rewards card printed with a sun-themed logo and the words “Apollo Rewards” in white Pacifico lettering. The name of the owner will appear in smaller lettering in Arial white on the lower right hand corner after registration.
Instances of SCP-XXXX will periodically appear at cashiers counters3 around the world through currently unknown means. They are always contained within an instruction pamphlet detailing the process to register a card.
After registration, the cardholder will be sent an emailed link to download a rewards app or to the main site where collected points can be viewed. Attempts to trace IP were unsuccessful, tracing to a nondescript location approximately half a kilometer west of Delphi 330 54, Greece.
Points can only be redeemed through monetary transactions so long as SCP-XXXX is present.4 Points may be redeemed for a variety of prizes. Additional testing with SCP-XXXX has revealed that a number of the prizes are confirmed to have anomalous properties, some of which are similar or identical to those contained within the Foundation.5 ((See Addendum.2)) Whether these objects are duplicates, forgeries, or authentic SCP objects is still being tested. Points redeemed are expended. Objects delivered are designated SCP-XXXX-2.
In cases where a card reader is unavailable, simply showing SCP-XXXX to the cashier will award the user points. Online checkouts will display a special box to input card information so long as the registered member is the one shopping. All transaction types involving goods and services are eligible. ((See Addendum.1: Incident-XXXX-1))
When points are redeemed for a prize an instance of SCP-XXXX-A will appear within five seconds, usually around a corner6, with the requested item. SCP-XXXX-A instances are usually of Caucasian or Southern European descent, and are always dressed in identical uniforms of white and yellow polo shirts, white slacks, white sneakers, and a yellow cap. Instances of SCP-XXXX-A are non-hostile and generally helpful. Once the requested item has been delivered SCP-XXXX-A instances will leave in similar fashion to how they arrived.
Addendum.1: Incident-XXXX-1
Incident occurred during Experiment-██ conducted by Dr. Falkner.
Experiment-██ was conducted in attempts to redeem the “red pill” as listed under the 500 quintillion points prize pool. It was hypothesized that the “red pill” is a reference to SCP-500 because of it's high worth. ((See Addendum.3: Experiment-Log-█)) Due to the finite supply of SCP-500, a potentially endless source would be of interest to the Foundation.
Experiment-██started with 5.0X10^20 US dollars being artificially deposited into a bank account under Dr. Falkner’s name created for the purpose of this experiment, with approval by O5-█ and [REDACTED]. He then presented Dr. Richard with a pre-registered SCP-XXXX instance and transferred the funds over to another bank account created under Dr. Richard’s name, in exchange for a new lab coat.
The correct amount of points were awarded to Falkner’s Apollo Rewards account. However, upon selecting the “red pill” option, Dr. Falkner spontaneously combusted with heat readings measuring up to 5,800 kelvin (approximate to the temperature of the sun’s surface). While the high temperatures were completely localized to Falkner’s being, the intensity of light emitted for the .8 second duration rendered Dr. Richard permanently blind. Richard survived but Falkner’s entire body was thoroughly vaporized.
An email was received in Dr. Falkner’s mailbox immediately following expiration:
Account number: 105937483
Recipient: ██████ Falkner
Reason for closure: Terms of Use Violation — Exploitative Activity: Abuse of Point System
Dear valued customer,
Our systems have detected a breach our terms of use contract, class a offense, subject to immediate termination of account. Five-hundred X 10^18 points were awarded on ██/██/20██, at 11:47am. However, due to the nature of the exchange, points acquired from this transaction are void. Use of voided points is subject to immediate termination. Our policies do not condone use of falsified monetary exchanges. In the future, please read and follow the terms of use carefully to avoid incident. If you have any question or concerns reach us at [REDACTED]. Your membership has now been revoked. We thank you for your service and for choosing Apollo Rewards as your go-to rewards service.
-A
Addendum.2: Table of redeemable items
| Points | Redeemables |
|---|---|
| 10-19 | One (1) Pikachu sticker [10 pt], one (1) standard #2 pencil [10 pt], one (1) stainless steel thimble [13pt], one (1) box paperclips [15 pt], one (1) fresh banana [15 pt], one (1) 4 oz bottle holy water [19 pt] |
| 20-49 | One (1) pack dozen AA batteries [20 pt], one (1) G-2 pen in black/red/blue [30 pt], one (1) pack spearmint gum [30 pt], one (1) wireless mouse [35 pt], one (1) wireless mouse [40 pt, pet food and cage not included] |
| 50-99 | One (1) 5 oz bottle Tobasco sauce [50 pt], small sample pack Aria makeup [50 pt], one (1) 8 oz box fresh blueberries [50 pt], one (1) partridge [75 pt, pear tree not included], one (1) rubix cube [75 pt] |
| 100-199 | One (1) 12 oz Nature Republic aloe moisturizer [100 pt], one (1) 13 lb bag Orijen original dog food [150 pt], $25 Starbucks gift card [150 pt] |
| 200-665 | One (1) pack G-2 pen assorted colors [200 pt.], one (1) pack Super Paper! By Dr. Wondertainment [350 pt.], two (2) Xbox One controllers [400 pt], one (1) year Netflix service [500 pt], one (1) 3-day Disneyland/California Adventure pass [650 pt] |
| 666 | $100 Walmart Gift Card, one (1) copy Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown |
| 667-999 | One (1) 3-day Knotts Berry farm pass [700 pt], one (1) 3-day Universal pass [700 pt], one (1) 39” Plasma screen TV [800 pt], one (1) 3-day Six Flags pass [900 pt], one (1) 6 oz container orange slime [999 pt] |
| 1000 | One (1) iPhone SE [plan not included], 2 year AT&T Unlimited call and text and 6 GB High-speed data plan [phone not included] |
| 1250 | $200 Sephora Gift Card, one (1) roll Premium Gucci Toilet paper |
| 1750 | One (1) boxset Bobble The Clown Season 1 |
| 2000 | One year free Amazon shipping, one (1) custom gold plated name plate, one (1) Nintendo Switch, one (1) Oculus VR set |
| 2500 | One (1) Pretendo, $300 Olive Garden gift card |
| 3000 | One (1) mahogany writing desk [raven not included] |
| 5000 | $1000 Macy’s gift card, 500 figurine D&D collection set |
| 10,000 | One (1) 32” Macintosh computer, 2017 |
| 15,000 | One (1) box The Foundation by Cryogen Studios, Dr. Wondertainment |
| 30,000 | One (1) Nissan Altima 2018, three (3) any-time broadway tickets to Hamilton |
| 100,000 | One (1) gold plated XBox One, one (1) gold plated Nintendo Switch, one (1) gold plated Playstation VR |
| 250,000 | One (1) functional Get Out of Jail Free Card [one time use only], one (1) set MURDER MYSTERY MATES© by Wondertainment |
| 1 MIL | One (1) Float Pod |
| 5 MIL | One (1) Diamond encrusted bluetooth headset, 1 month all-expense paid trip to country of choice |
| 50 MIL | One (1) Mercedes-Benz Maybach Exelero, Life-time free all-you-can-eat TGI Fridays |
| 500 MIL | One (1) boxset Game of Thrones Seasons 1-32, one (1) flying chariot |
| 1 BIL | One (1) functional Foundation ID card and site-access pass [certain Sites may be unavailable] |
| 111 BIL | One (1) lollipop [juju flavored], one (1) pair winged shoe of your choice |
| 500 BIL | One (1) Invisibility cloak, one (1) Take-You-Anywhere-Machine by Dr. Wondertainment |
| 1 TRIL | 4-year full ride scholarship to Alexylva University, one (1) 4 oz bottle of water from the fountain |
| 50 TRIL | One (1) functional lightsaber in red/green/blue, Access pass to Foundation files, 1 month all-expense paid trip to planet of choice, one (1) functional Chaos Insurgency ID card and access-pass |
| 420 TRIL | Hourly delivery of the good kush |
| 4 QUADRIL | One (1) functional lightsaber in purple, one (1) functional Elder Wand replica [object may not work for nomags/muggles] |
| 444 QUADRIL | One (1) Philosopher's stone |
| 1 QUINTIL | One (1) warp drive [1 year warranty], one (1) portal gun |
| 500 QUINTIL | One (1) red pill, one (1) dozen pack deluxe coca-cola |
| 1 SEXTIL | One (1) green silicone dildo, Complete ████ Microsoft Office [3 downloads, includes all 12 thousand programs], two (2) bookshelf holders |
| 666 SEXTIL | [REDACTED] by order of O5-██ |
| 1 SEPTIL | One (1) Iron-man suit functional replica |
| 777 SEPTIL | Seven (7) Wheel of Fortune machines |
| 8 OCTIL | 1 month all-expense paid trip to dimension of choice |
| 413 OCTIL | One (1) Alchimister, one (1) Wookiee [blaster not included] |
| 1 NONIL | One (1) decorative statue |
| 1 DECIL | One (1) copy Sburb |
Addendum.3: Experiment-Log-█
Experiment-█ was conducted in attempts to prove the existence of contained SCPs in the offered prize pool and the potential of a containment breach.
Date: ██/██/20██
Researcher: Dr. Falkner
Procedures:
1. Record weight of SCP-999.
2. Register one instance of SCP-XXXX.
3. Use $1000 to purchase new lab supplies, using the registered SCP-XXXX instance.
4. Redeem one (1) 6 oz container orange slime [999 pt]
5. Record weight of SCP-999 again immediately following delivery.
6. Test contents of "orange slime" for anomalous properties.Results: SCP-999's initial weight was recorded at 55.23 kg (121.76131 lbs). SCP-999's final weight remained consistent even after SCP-XXXX-A-2 delivered the requested item. Testing of the 6 oz "orange slime" (SCP-XXXX-2) revealed anomalous properties and composition identical to that of SCP-999. No containment breach was detected.
Researcher notes: The results do seem to be in line with the hypothesis that Apollo Rewards can somehow duplicate contained SCP items or obtain them from an unknown source, which is a cause for concern. But considering the fact that SCP-999 is mostly harmless and the more dangerous potential SCP items are out of reach it shouldn't be too hard for things to be contained. As long as the field agents do their job in collecting SCP-XXXX I don't see any reason to change it's class for now.
Addendum.4: Incident-Log-XXXX-2
SCP-XXXX-A-6, ███████ Castellanos, is a man appearing to be 25-35 years of age and of Caribbean descent. XXXX-A-6 was summoned using an SCP-XXXX instance registered under Dr. Samwell's name, delivering a standard #2 pencil. SCP-XXXX-A-6 appeared around a corner at Site-██ with the requested item in hand approximately 3 minutes after request and was immediately detained and brought in for interview.
Interviewer: Dr. Samwell
Interviewee: SCP-XXXX-A-6, ███████ Castellanos
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Samwell: Good afternoon XXXX-A-6. Could you please state your name and age for the record?
SCP-XXX-A-6: O-oh, yeah yeah. Of course. It’s ███████ Castellanos, I am ███ years old. Um, I’m sorry Mr. Samwell, sir. But what is this about? I’m not actually allowed to stay beyond delivery. Company policy. I’m sure you understand.
Dr. Samwell: Of course, of course. We just have a few questions for you and you’ll be on your way. I can assure you it won’t take long.
SCP-XXX-A-6: I-I mean. If you’re sure, sir. I just don’t want to be fired or anything. Things have been stricter back at HQ ever since an incident a few weeks back. The higher ups aren’t very happy at the moment.
Dr. Samwell: Understandable. I give you my word that this won’t take more than half an hour.
SCP-XXX-A-6: I suppose…
Dr. Samwell: Great. Alright then, Mr. Castellanos- May I call you that?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Certainly, sir! You are the customer after all.
Dr. Samwell: Very well, Mr. Castellanos. My first question for you: What is the nature of the company you work for?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Nature, sir?
Dr. Samwell: Yes. As in… What is the purpose of your company? Why award people for spending money? There must be some benefit to you- or your company rather.
SCP-XXX-A-6: No no. Nothing like that, Mr. Samwell. Apollo Rewards is a strictly non-profit organization. The whole thing is actually a life-long vision for our boss Mr. H, who conceptualized the idea.
Dr. Samwell: Mr. H?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Yes. Mr. H is one of our two bosses. The ah higher ups I was referring to before. For Mr. H, it all comes down to his… Investment, I suppose you could say, in the economy.
Dr. Samwell: What sort of investment?
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Shrugs) Not exactly sure. To keep it healthy, I suppose?
Dr. Samwell: Which is why you have the rewards program.
SCP-XXX-A-6: Yes yes. Exactly. It’s just an incentive to get people to spend. Why, with the recent change in dominant world economics and the rise of the free market-
Dr. Samwell: You are referring to… Capitalism?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Hm? Capitalism? Oh yes. That’s what I mean. The rise of Capitalism. Well, Mr. H had to do something to catch up with the times. New systems always have kinks after all. Mr. H was particularly concerned with the crashes in the 30s and in ‘08, bubbles and whatnot. People just wouldn’t spend. It was all very concerning.
Dr. Samwell: As it should be. So the rewards program is just a way to keep people spending?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Essentially. As long as money is flowing the entire system stays alive in the most basic sense. It may not the most stable system per say… But it does appear to do the trick, am I right? I’ve not seen technological and sociological progress this fast since [REDACTED].
Dr. Samwell: Hm. Ok. Now then, you mentioned a Mr. A? What is his role in all of this?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Mr. A? Oh well, that’s easy. You see Mr. H isn’t the ahh- (pause) Well, Mr. H isn’t exactly a people person as much as he would like to be. These sort of projects require a strong PR department, which is something we’ve never really had to worry about before. Mr. A fills in that role pretty good, charming bastard he is- (another pause and a nervous glance at the ceiling) I-I mean… Mr. A’s a real charismatic guy. Good looking, you know? Has a way with words. Beloved by all. Designed these uniforms actually (points to polo). Spiffy aren’t they?
Dr. Samwell: Mr. A is in charge of public relations?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Yeah. He’s also the face of the company.
Dr. Samwell: I wasn’t aware there was a face of the company.
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Confusion) What do you mean? Haven’t you looked at your card?
Dr. Samwell: I have.
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Silence) Well… I… (pause) Well, never mind that. So that’s how that relationship works. Originally we worked exclusively for Mr. H, doing deliveries and such. But after the formation of Apollo Rewards we now also work for Mr. A as well. Actually, I believe it may have been Mr. A’s idea in the first place, and well here we are.
Dr. Samwell: So then, Mr. A is the brains and the face of the company and Mr. H… Provides the delivery services?
SCP-XXX-A-6: Yes! Mr. H has actually been in the delivery services for a very long time now. We have an excellent track record, you see. As much as people are going crazy over Amazon, or whatever these days, they honestly have nothing on us. Mr. H also offers great employee benefits.
Dr. Samwell: That’s good to hear, Mr. Castellanos. Now then, I have just one last question for you and we’ll be done here.
SCP-XXX-A-6: Oh, thank the gods. I really should be going soon. I was late once a week ago -got chased by this mangy beast someone calls a pet- so I’m not sure how well it’ll be taken being late again this time. I can’t afford to lose this job.
Dr. Samwell: Well then thank you for your time, Mr. Castellanos. You’ve been very helpful. My last question then: How do you travel around to deliver goods?
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Suddenly appears uncomfortable) I-I’m incredibly sorry, sir, but that is one piece of information I cannot divulge to you. Even if things weren’t so strict at HQ right now, there are certain company secrets that we aren’t allowed to share. Mr. H would be furious with me! (glances towards the ceiling nervously again)
Dr. Samwell: I can understand that, Mr. Castellanos, but I’m afraid we cannot let you leave unless you answer.
SCP-XXX-A-6: No no, you don’t understand, sir. I’m really not allowed to tell. If I’m not already in trouble for being late I’ll surely be if I answer that question. They’ll fire me for sure! This is my job you’re asking me to risk here.
Dr. Samwell: There’s no on in the room but you and me, Mr. Castellanos. I promise you, it’s just this final question and then you are free to go.
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Silence)
Dr. Samwell: Mr. Castellanos?
SCP-XXX-A-6: (Sigh) A-alright. But don’t say I didn’t warn you, sir… Well, how we get around is we-
At this point in the interview SCP-XXX-A-6 spontaneously combusted, similar to Dr. Falkner during Incident-XXXX-1, with heat readings up to 6000 kelvin and lasting for .305 seconds. SCP-XXXX-A-6 was completely vaporized, leaving nothing but a darkened spot where he had been sitting. Dr. Samwell, similar to Dr. Robert, did not experience any temperature-relation injury but did suffer from severe retinal damage. Dr. Samwell’s vision is expected to make a partial recovery.
[END LOG]
