SCP-XXXX: A Totally Normal Vending Machine
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in the storage room of the site it is located. Personnel with a Security Clearance under 3 must have the permission and supervision of a guard and/or authority figure to operate SCP-XXXX. Any instances of SCP-XXXX-2 must be consumed immediately upon discovery.
Those with a Security Clearance greater than or equal to 3 have unrestricted access, however all personnel (including 05) operating SCP-XXXX will be monitored via camera feed. Personnel may only use SCP-XXXX to obtain food, lost personal effects, and important Foundation items.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a vending machine found in [REDACTED], Japan that looks like an ordinary vending machine at first glance. SCP-XXXX features a keypad, a screen, and various chip bags of randomly determined brands. In front of most bags, there is a passcode like most standard vending machines. There is one unbranded chip bag, which has no passcode in front of it.
However, when someone deposits $1.50 into SCP-XXXX's bill validator, the keypad becomes active. The screen will tell the user to input what product they want. If the user inputs the appropiate passcode for a product, said product will dispensed. However, if a solid item lighter than 50kg is inputted, the undbranded bag will be dispensed, containing the item regardless of size. If a number accompanied by a unit of weight is punched in, then the keypad will reset. Punching in the desired item will dispense said item at the weight previously entered, assuming it was below 50kg. If no weight is punched in, then the weight will be random. Items that are bigger than the bag are scaled down, but invariably grow to normal size once taken out of the bag.
If an animal is punched into the keypad, meat from that animal roughly the size of a hamburger patty will be contained in the bag instead of the animal themselves. Due to the nature of SCP-XXXX's reaction to animals, animals are technically the only known objects not effected by the weight limit, unless their meat is too dense for a patty to weigh less than 50kg.
During an experiment involving SCP-XXXX, a D-9103 was ordered to input "SCP-XXXX" into the keypad. The result was a collection of blueprints for a seemingly unremarkable vending machine (Now referred to as SCP-XXXX-1). When SCP-XXXX-1 was built, it functioned identically to a standard [REDACTED]-brand vending machine. However, when D-9103 inserted $1.50 and punched in the correct passcode for his desired product, an opened bag of unbranded potato chips were dispensed. Approximately 3 seconds after the chips were dispensed, uncountable numbers of animate potato chips (referred to as SCP-XXXX-2) poured out of the bag, attempting to break themselves and use the sharp edges as weapons.
Due to their small size and brittle consistency, they only did minor damage. However, due to their large numbers, SCP-XXXX-2s often prevented personnel from getting meaningful work done. D-9103 discovered that incineration and consumption are the only methods of terminating an instance of SCP-XXXX-2.
After approximately 10 minutes, the bag dispensed by SCP-XXXX-1 ceased SCP-XXXX-2 production. All personnel (including D-Class) were ordered to search and consume SCP-XXXX-2 instances. By the time a majority of personnel got off work, approximately 90% of SCP-XXXX-2 instances were successfully terminated.
Interview log, recorded [REDACTED] of February, 2019.
Dr. Webb: Hello, D-9103.
D-9103: Hello to you to, Doc. What did you need?
Dr. Webb: I would like to ask you about your experiences with those walking potato chips. You and security were the only people there to see it when the event first started.
D-9103: I just ordered a bag of Lays, and suddenly these friggin' yellow slabs hop out of a bag I obviously didn't order.
Dr. Webb: What were inside the chips?
D-9103: At first, it was like a run-of-the-mill chip. But as I hurt them more "gruesomely," red spice came out. Almost as if they were bleeding.
Dr. Webb: What did this red spice taste like?
D-9103: I… can't really describe it. It was technically tasteless, but vastly improved the chip.
Dr. Webb: *writes down on notepad* Interesting indeed. How difficult was it to terminate the chips?
D-9103: Oh my god, it was torture! Chip after chip after chip… it felt like I gained 5 pounds! Even the blood-spice didn't make it better! It wasn't until I threw up three times until some guards sent me to the infirmary!
Dr. Webb: Oh dear, I'm so sorry.
D-9103: And don't bring back the memories of accidentally stepping on one and having eleventy-seven itty bitty shitty crumbs to deal with!
END LOG
D-9103 started getting irrationally angry. After approximately an hour of ranting, D-9103 was admitted to the nearest break room in a desperate attempt to decrease stress levels. After 30 minutes of no emotional change, he was admitted to the infirmary. Infirmary staff discovered an as of yet unnamed compound in D-9103's bloodstream. Said compound apparently makes those