The Perfect Language

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Thaumiel Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-1 is to be kept in a hardened steel suitcase locked by two (2) hardened steel padlocks. The suitcase is to be kept in a standard high-security storage locker. All contact with SCP-XXXX-1 requires Level 4 security clearance. Reading or copying SCP-XXXX-1 beyond page 4 is prohibited, and punishable with termination.

Description: SCP-XXXX-1 is a 99 page document made out of paper, printer ink and spiral binding detailing SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX is a language of unknown origin. It uses the Latin alphabet, with a set of fairly common phonemes, however it's syntax and grammar differs drastically from that of any other known form of communication, which probably indicates that SCP-XXXX is not a natural language, but rather a constructed one.

Human subjects that learn SCP-XXXX acquire resistance to various antimemetic effects. Experiments (see Addendum XXXX-B) have shown that subjects with a degree of fluency in SCP-XXXX become proportionally resistant to unmemorazible, unsharable, and memory-deleting antimemetic agents in textual form, visual form and audible form. These immediate effects of SCP-XXXX are only present when the subject is "thinking in SCP-XXXX" (that is, their inner monologue is articulated in the language of SCP-XXXX), however subjects with enough fluency will retain traces of this resistance continuously and indefinitely to varying levels.

Another effect observed upon learning SCP-XXXX is a change in cognitive properties, which has been verified both through the testimony of subjects and analysis of brain waves. Subjects develop new mental mechanisms of problem solving, abstract thinking, logic, self-knowledge and possibly of emotional processing, all significantly different than the usual human mechanisms of cognition. Currently, the neurological nature and psychological consequences of these changes are not completely understood, partly because no subject has yet completely mastered every aspect of SCP-XXXX, but undergoing research seems to show they are benign and non-anomalous. Permission for further research into these effects has been requested.

As of ██/██/████, all Foundation employees with previous contact with SCP-XXXX have been administered amnestics in an attempt to destroy any memory of SCP-XXXX. Personnel who retained knowledge of SCP-XXXX after amnestic treatment have been terminated. All D-Class personnel with previous contact with SCP-XXXX have been terminated. Further learning of SCP-XXXX beyond it's basic nature and it's anomalous effects is prohibited under risk of termination.

+ Addendum XXXX-A: Incident 1 - Recovery of SCP-XXXX-1 and following events

SCP-XXXX-1 was found on the table of the chief of Memetics and Infohazards Divison's office, Dr. Louise Smith, in Site-██. Glued to it's cover was a "post-it" note with the following writing: "You're welcome."
Fingerprint analysis, DNA trace analysis and handwriting analysis from both the note and SCP-XXXX-1 have shown no results. The post-it was determined to be non-anomalous and discarded.

Upon discovery of the object, Dr. Smith followed standard security protocol, and the in-site Infohazard Recontainment Unit was dispatched. Analysis of SCP-XXXX-1 showed no presence of any kind of infohazard and the object was returned to Dr. Smith.

While additional tests were conducted to determine SCP-XXXX-1's origins, Dr. Smith began to study the document, written partially in English and partially in SCP-XXXX. This inevitably led to her learning some amount of SCP-XXXX. After said tests were inconclusive, she continued to study SCP-XXXX until reaching a fairly proficient level.

Dr. Smith's monthly cognitological and psychic evaluations showed an unusual resistance to all antimemetic agents tested, although resistance to memetic and other mind-altering agents were nominal. She was then interviewed by cognitohazard researcher Dr. T██ C█████ (see addendum XXXX-B).

Investigations about how SCP-XXXX-1 came to be in the office of an SCP Foundation's employee at Site-██ are still undergoing, but have been largely unsuccessful.

Due to it's protective effects, SCP-XXXX has been filed as class Thaumiel. Project ████████ has been designed to teach it to researchers and agents which must undergo direct contact with antimemeic anomalies. The project awaits deployment. As of ██/██/████, SCP-XXXX has been reclassified as class Safe. Further learning of SCP-XXXX beyond it's basic nature and it's anomalous effects is prohibited under risk of termination.

+ Addendum XXXX-B: Interview with Dr. Louise Smith

Interviewed: Dr. Louise Smith, researcher and chief of the Memetics and Infohazards Division

Interviewer: Dr. T██ C█████, cognitohazard researcher

Foreword: Dr. T██ C█████ is a personal friend of Dr. Louise Smith, due to their professional relation. As such, the interview conducted, while within regulation, is informal in tone.

<Begin Log>

T. C.: So, let's begin. How do you feel?

L. S.: I feel fine. Normal.

T. C.: Any sudden cravings, ideas, voices in you head your should tell me about?

L. S.: This is really not how the interview procedure goes, T██.

T. C.: C'mon, you taught me the interview procedure. I don't have to go through all that with you. And ████ tells me you are somehow more resistant to antimemes now? If anything crawled into your head, there's no way I can find out before you do.

[Dr. L. S. smiles, but doesn't answer.]

T. C.: What's going on, Louise?

L. S.: [after a deep breath] It has to be that damned language.

T. C.: What?

L. S.: SCP-XXXX. The book I found in my office.

T. C.: Oh, that's still an SCP? I though no infohazard had been detected in it.

L. S.: None that we know of. But maybe there's something else. Not on the book, but in the language.

T. C.: You think the language itself is an agent? Wouldn't be a first.

[Dr. L. S. takes a few seconds to respond.]

L. S.: I don't know. It doesn't feel like it is.

T. C.: It never does.

L. S.: But it feels… different. I wish you could learn it, T██. It's so… It's not like anything I used to think of as "communication". It just works differently. I don't think there is any agent in the text itself, I think it's the sheer change of perspective that reinforces your brain against antimemes.

T. C.: So it's an anti-antimeme?

L.S.: C'mon, T██, I'm serious.

T. C.: In all seriousness, it would make sense according to Extended Sapir–Whorf Theory. It's trickier with antimemes though. Maybe something to do with Kan's second theorem?

L. S.: We have too little data to even begin trying to explain it, kid. Believe me, I'm way ahead of you and I'm nowhere.

T. C.: As always.

L. S.: That is, if it's really that. Maybe something just did crawl into my head.

[Long pause.]

T. C.: Anything else I should know about?

L. S.: If anything comes up, I'll let you know.

T. C.: I could tell you to stop reading this… SCP-XXXX, but you wouldn't be able to resist, right?

[Dr. L. S. does not respond.]

T. C.: I may have to report you to the chief of Antimemetics and Infohazards.

L. S.: That would really be a shame.

T. C.: With that said, I'm gonna give you a discharge and let you get back to work. Interview concluded.

<End Log>

+ Addendum XXXX-C: Test Log 1

Test subject: Subjects A and B were both D Class, and both had been learning SCP-XXXX for 5 months
Overviwed by: Dr. Louise Smith, researcher and chief of the Memetics and Infohazards Division

Step 1: After reading out loud a three paragraph text written in SCP-XXXX, Subject A was exposed to visual cognitohazard V-A-673, whose properties prevent it from being registered into short term memory.

Step 2: Subject A was asked to describe the image to Subject B using SCP-XXXX.

Step 3: Subjects were isolated from each other.

Step 4: Subject A was asked to describe the image in English. He was unaware of having been shown any image recently.

Step 5: Subject B was asked to describe in English how he imagined the image described to him by Subject A. Subject described it as being "kinda reddish, with lots of dark, curvy lines that seemed to make circles and ellipses".

Note: The algorithm used to create cognitohazrd V-A-673 did tend to produce curvoid shapes and warm colors.

Step 6: After reading a three paragraph text in English, Subject B was exposed to cognitoazard V-A-673 and asked to describe it in English. He was not aware of having been shown any image. His memory of having interacted with Subject A remained, but he could not precisely recall Subject A's oral description of the image.

Dr. Smith's note: A man was exposed to self-erasing information, described it to an unexposed man, then forgot about it. The latter man retained the description up until we exposed him to the original anti-meme. This has so many applications, I almost wish I didn't run the experiment. Now the damn temps won't stop bugging me to learn SCP-XXXX.

Dr. C█████'s note: can this be used on SCP-055?

+ Addendum XXXX-D: Interview with D-█████

Interviewed: Subject X was D class D-█████

Interviewer: Dr. T██ C█████, cognitohazard researcher

Foreword: Subject X had been learning SCP-XXXX for nine months, and had shown a reasonable level of proficiency in expressing complex and abstract concepts and narratives in the language.

<Begin log>

T.C.: So, how are we feeling today?