TheShrike

The Complete Guide

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: 10 copies of SCP-XXXX are held in low security item storage at Site-##. Any physical copies found outside of containment are to be confiscated and destroyed. Any copies found for sale online are to be immediately removed from sale, then located, confiscated and destroyed. In either case, any reasonable efforts should be made to find the source of the copies, where possible.

Civilians and personnel lacking Level 2/XXXX clearance who are exposed to the contents of SCP-XXXX are to be amnesticized. Those who have carried out or received the procedures described by SCP-XXXX, successful or otherwise, are to be amnesticized and, if necessary, provided with medical or living assistance. Testing of exposure is currently halted as it has ceased to provide any new relevant information.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 72 page book which, for approximately 24% of readers, appears to be titled "Instruction Manual for the Operation of Ironing Board Model 274BXX" and to contain no anomalous material.

For the majority of readers, the title instead appears as "Brain Surgery for Completely Fucking Useless Morons Like You: Yeah, This Means You, [NAME], You Loser" where "[NAME]" is replaced by the name of the reader. Other slight variations are possible, but significant differences only appear when the reader is not an English speaker or is dyslexic or illiterate.

The contents of the book include an introduction, followed by instructions purporting to be capable of solving all of the reader's problems. The only common factors between the instructions presented to different people are that they involve damaging or removing various sections of the brain, that they indicate the procedure must be carried out by a second party in order to be successful, and that they constantly belittle and insult the reader.

When the book is read with the intent of carrying out the procedure on another individual, with that individual's informed consent, it retains the title and instructions targetted towards the recipient, but addresses the current reader instead. The book's title and contents become less insulting and more supportive if the reader would normally see the non-anomalous instruction manual.

The sections of the brain targeted show no discernible pattern, and the required tools and facilities are always readily available to the reader. For example, a common suggestion is a power drill and cleanly laundered towels, while to a surgeon it may suggest appropriate surgical tools in a sterile operating room, and to a homeless person a hammer, rusty discarded nails, and newspaper.

It is unclear how many people have read the book and declined to carry out the procedure. It is thought that the majority of the book's readers have not been identified, as they simply believed it to be untrustworthy or ironic and ignored the contained instructions.

Of those who attempt to carry out the procedures, approximately 93% are unsuccessful. Those who attempt the procedures on themselves are invariably so. The remainder fail due to imprecision, panic leading to halting the procedure, or interruption by third parties. Failure leads to moderate to severe brain damage or death for the recipient. In the event that the recipient is still able to communicate, they invariably blame themselves for the mistakes leading to the procedure's failure, even if they did not perform it. The performer, meanwhile, may blame the procedure itself or their own lack of ability, planning, or courage, but in all cases primarily blame the recipient for the failure.

In the remaining 7% of cases, the procedure is carried out to completion within sufficient accuracy. Notably, tolerances are far higher than expected for brain surgery; entry points off by up to 1cm or misangled by up to 5° appear to be acceptable. Upon completion, bleeding quickly stops, conciousness is regained within an hour, injuries heal within 24 hours, and scars disappear within a month.

The recipient's quality of life dramatically improves after this point. Changes include improved confidence and mood, an increase in IQ by an average of 8 points (attributed to the former), and profound drops on scales used to rate personality disorders and negative psychological symptoms of other neurological conditions¹. Meanwhile, some categories of neurological symptoms are generally unaffected (epilepsy, narcolepsy, dyslexia, or those stemming from physical damage or genetic disorders).

While this often leads to significant changes in the habits and lifestyle of affected individuals, in even the most extreme cases family, friends and acquaintances state that the individual is unchanged and has simply turned their life around. Individuals with severe personality disorders or who are nonverbal or similar are rarely capable or willing to seek out a person to perform the procedure.

Addendum XXXX-A: Excerpts from SCP-XXXX recorded from outside events and internal testing.

From introduction shown to ██████ ███████ (successful recipient):
All this shit that's messed up about you, that ruins your life and drags down everyone around you, you can fix it. This book will tell you which parts of that useless brain of yours are fucked up. It's almost the whole thing, because you're almost completely worthless, and you fucking know it. You're disgusting.

Beginning of procedure as shown to ██████ ███████:
Before describing the process, let's make one thing clear, because you're just dumb enough you might not figure this shit out yourself: don't do this on your own. Of course everyone thinks you're a piece of shit, even your "friends", but at least one of them has to be sorry enough for you to help you out. To reiterate: do not try to cut up your own thick troglodytic skull. If you do, you'll die. And everyone will think you committed suicide. And then they'll have a party to celebrate.

End of procedure as read by Dr. ███████ (sibling of ██████, not a surgical doctor, not otherwise targetted by SCP-XXXX):
Of course, it should go without saying that this is gonna be bloody. You're drilling into someone's head here, right? The most important thing is, don't chicken out, and don't stop till it's done. If you stop, ██████ might die, or end up a vegetable, but if you do the whole thing and don't fuck up too bad it'll work out. You've got balls and brains, unlike that lowlife, and you want to help him. You can do this.

Contents of SCP-XXXX as described by D-YYYYY:
Why are you reading this? You don't care what I say. You know there's nothing wrong with you. They'll tell you their offer, just agree and you'll get out of here.

Introduction from viewpoint of Foundation surgeon assigned to perform procedure on D-YYYYY, Dr. Mueller (normally targetted by SCP-XXXX):
You'll definitely fuck this up, but it doesn't matter. This psycho needs to be fixed one way or another. You could just shove a scalpel into her ear and that would fix everything, but you're too chickenshit. Whether she walks away from this or you put her in a bodybag, it makes no difference. Whether it's warm or cold, her body is just one more in a meaningless world. Which still puts her a thousand steps above a rancid puddle of puke like you.²

Addendum XXXX-D: On request of Dr. Mueller and other staff with level 2/XXXX clearance, the Ethics Committee is reviewing policy on internal use and external intervention regarding SCP-XXXX. Due to disruptions to performance, Dr. Mueller has been administered amnestics and removed from the SCP-XXXX team. Preliminary findings of the review indicate the current policy is appropriate.

The Complete Guide explanation

So, 2 things I will explain here.

First, you may have noticed I included Social Responsiveness Scale (SRS) and Gender Identity/Gender Dysphoria Questionnaire for Adolescents and Adults (GIDYQ-AA) in the list of affected tests. I chose tests that (according to what I read) deal with negative symptoms stemming from these conditions, rather than the condition itself. I tried to make clear in the article, unless someone has a severe personality disorder, the procedure does not change their personality. So, this doesn't "cure ASD" or something, but it may erase social difficulties and compulsive or ritualistic behaviors. Similarly, it doesn't erase anyone's gender, but it erases the discomfort, anxiety, depression etc. caused by dysphoria. If that, to you, cannot be reconciled with "doesn't change their personality" that's addressed in the last point below. Essentially, whenever someone tells you to snap out of it, cheer up, stop letting your problems be problems, and you want to say "oh sure, let me just magically do that, asshole"… This book magically does that.

So, how is this horror, and not just wish fulfillment?

First off, it's meant to represent a feeling that I believe the majority of humans feel for some significant portion of their lives. Feeling worthless and useless. Feeling like you can't do anything about it. Feeling like every bad thing that happens in your life is the fault of your own shittiness. I chose 24% as the number of people who don't feel that feeling often enough to trigger the book, but the number is arbitrary; how often people feel like shit, and how often you need to feel like shit for the book to target you, are left up to the reader's imagination.

Second, it's meant to evoke the fear (a fear I have) that really, you could fix it all. You could make everything better. If you just knew how. And it might seem difficult, but it's not as hard as you imagine. But you don't know how. And even if you did, you'd be too scared to try. And no one would help you. And you'd fuck it up. And it's your fault you can't figure out how to fix yourself, as your opportunity to live your life the way you want slips away. And you only have yourself to blame, for everything. When really, facing your problems is a process that hurts, and takes time, and will involve taking steps backwards. This is the fear that life is actually easy, and you're just terrinle at it.

Third, for some people, the idea of fixing their problems at the cost of their sense of self is itself horrific. For me, it is not. I would gladly trade out some parts of my personality (key word some), if it meant fixing the parts that cause me pain. That is why I did not include a loss of self here: it's not horror for me. I made this procedure work perfectly and preserve your self because the horror, for me, is that there is a good, reliable way to fix what's wrong, but it's out of my reach and it's my fault I can't grasp it. If fixing one's problems without breaking one's self breaks your suspension of disbelief, then this won't work for you. Though, if it helps, you can imagine that it only allows them to fool the diagnostic tests, and on the inside their original.personality is screaming for help.

Footnotes

1. Including but not limited to:
Standardised Assessment of Personality: Abbreviated Scale (SAPAS)
Montgomery–Åsberg Depression Rating Scale (MADRS)
State-Trait Anxiety Inventory (STAI)
Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS)
Brown Attention Deficit Disorder Scales (BADDS)
Bech-Rafaelsen Mania Rating Scale (MAS)
Positive and Negative Syndrome Scale (PANSS)
Social Responsiveness Scale (SRS)
Gender Identity/Gender Dysphoria Questionnaire for Adolescents and Adults (GIDYQ-AA)

2. D-YYYYY, severe antisocial-narcissist, was convinced to consent to the procedure in exchange for possible release. All subsequent tests indicated that D-YYYYY's personality shifted to a genuine representation of the one she had previously affected. After release, those previously familiar with D-YYYYY (including domestic abuse victim █████ █ █████, who had testified in the trial convicting D-YYYYY) expressed belief they had been wrong about D-YYYYY and willingness to "give her one more chance" to prove "she really meant it this time". Continued monitoring has supported this judgement being accurate up to this point, but has been approved to continue indefinitely for the safety of those affected.
Dr. Mueller - I read the original case report, I don't want to be responsible for anyone reliving that.