toastergrl's sandbox

[cliffnotes reference: amazon DOT com SLASH Rada-Cutlery-Cooking-Spatula-Stainless/dp/B000HEIT7U]

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The factory responsible for the creation of SCP-XXXX was coerced into halting production and recalling all similar products under the pretense of a manufacturing error involving cooking-unsafe chemicals. Over the course of █ months, newly-embedded Foundation containment specialists successfully tested all incoming deliveries of recalled items for properties matching that of SCP-XXXX, and organized the transport of these to Site-81¹ to be kept in Level 2 bulk storage. After this time, production was allowed to begin again and deemed not to be anomalous. One specialist remains on-site; this is to be reviewed every 6 months.

Tracking down the ██ remaining utensils which were not returned is considered low priority, but terms matching their description have been added to several Foundation-affiliated auction site trawlers for automated suppression and notification. An outstanding paid acquisition budget of $████ exists for "Buy it now" listings, which is considered a less disruptive means of containment than standard suppression.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the collective designation for a single batch² of ███ metal cooking spatulas manufactured for and sold by ████████████. All instances of SCP-XXXX are mostly identical to the product line they were created for within production tolerances.³ The anomalous nature of a SCP-XXXX instance becomes evident when a user attempts to use the spatula to pick up, crack, mix, or otherwise manipulate anything that has been classified as an egg, or otherwise deemed sufficiently ovoid, by the SCP-XXXX effect. Whilst a standard cooking implement is bound by conventional laws of matter interaction, spatulas belonging to SCP-XXXX and eggs will instead be completely intangible to one another.⁴

Testing Log:

Test: Four (4) small brown Hen Eggs⁵

Summary: Researcher R. B█████ attempted to place one of the four eggs on top of an SCP-XXXX instance. The egg passed through the utensil and cracked open on the laboratory tiling. Test halted after researcher S. T████████ correctly identified the eggs as her lunch.

Notes: Test was performed minutes after the delivery of the first batch of SCP-XXXX. R. B█████ claimed to be "curious"; this was deemed insufficient and both he and research assistant T. K████ were reprimanded for improper test selection methodology. Researchers were given a budget of $█████ for further, directed research.⁶

[test cliffnotes: faberge egg: intangible. caviar: intangible. kinder egg: intangible. fertilized chicken egg: hangs off spatula due to foetal chicken inside being tangible, but egg shell + goop being intangible. scp-074-1: testing rejected due to dangerous nature of egg, requirement of d-class personnel, and need to incinerate.]

Test: Research assistant T. K████

Summary: T. K████ attempted to pick up an SCP-XXXX instance from on top of a document required, but failed to properly grasp the handle. Attempted again with similar results. The impromptu subject subsequently left the research facility, and is not responsive to communication.

Notes: R. B█████ had gone to the toilet. The nature in which the research assistant may quality as ovoid is under active investigation. Evidence of this accidental test was observed only by surveillance cameras, and has been recorded here for posterity.

Addendum: [cliffnotes: researcher tk returned to work and identified herself to the gsd^footnote:gender services division of the foundation one month later. routine automated review of new researcher data flagged up this skip. when questioned about it, she did not stop laughing at how these stuffy nerds had completely overlooked internet slang for subconsciously (but not consciously) aware trans girls. further testing shows she is now tangible to scp-xxxx. possible connection to GaW may be investigated as pranks like these are basically their wheelhouse]

Footnotes

1. Site-73 was considered as its primary objective is a better match, but the increased distance and insufficient storage meant it could not be used in this instance.

2. Company records indicate this batch was produced between the hours of 0600 and 1200 on 10/██/201█ at a single production plant in ███████, Iowa.

3. This range is not dishwasher safe, and a number of returned instances have rough, blackened handles as a result. This failure of care does not impair, enhance, or otherwise interfere with their anomalous properties.

4. This is true both for the stainless steel head and the brushed aluminum handle.

5. Requisitioned from a partially-used carton in Site-81's D wing employee break lounge.

6. The first $3 of this budget was given to S. T████████ as an apology, and reportedly spent on a replacement carton of large eggs.