A day without Adderral

The hiStory of ThE GhettovErse… PART 1

// I walk a lonely road the only road… the only road, that I have ever known. I don't know where it goes, but, It's only me and I walk alone.//

"Marty gitchu ass over he'a!"

Marty, the director of the site, made his way to the outhouse next to the old windmill. As the site's director, Marty has had years of experience with these beings known as 'Whatcha makalits'

You see, ever since the great boom; these little creatures. who have been walking around, living on issues of Vogue Magazine and license plates. At first, they tried to appease them with cooked road kill, but it did nothing to please the Whatcha makalits'.

Things, would, be, as, bipolar, as, a, Bobcat.

"Oh lawdy Marty! It's getting full!" her voice bellowed down the hole of the porta-potty,"We can't use it and keep'em down there at the same time, we need'a build'a different site!"

"Got it!" Marty yelled back.”

"Go fuck yourself!!" Screamed the couch, swearing vengeance for a stain set upon its left cushion.

Marty gave it the thumbs up and walked himself to the shed at the back of the house. He got out a shovel and stuck it into the ground right next to the outhouse and began to dig.

New Crib.

An unappealing dog left his doghouse; it had been years since he had eaten that radioactive cheerio, now he's a dog. He's mad, though; not only could he not jack off, but he can't eat… chocolate anymore, All the while his owners didn't seem to get the memo. They insist on every Saturday(Christmas)and Sunday (Halloween) on dumping their Christmas and Halloween chocolate into his dog bowl.

Whatever god existed was a cruel son of a bitch, and was also installing solar panels. The director

"I Love you, Jesus!" said Marty.

Kain watched the kit cats pile up with the variety of homemade milky ways and Hershey's kisses.

"I hate my life…"

The director looked up with an excited half smile"Awh shucks we love you too boy."

"No! that's not what I—"

"Come here boy I'll give you a little something extra," Marty got out a kinder egg, rested it on the mountain of now melting chocolate, and left.

Kain stared at the bowl long and hard. He walked and hung his head over the bowl, eyes dark and hopeless.

"Well I guess today's the day…" he said sunkenly.

An owl and its children watched their role model eagerly from above. Kain was immediately coiled and wrapped into a cocoon, he emerged as a train engine.

"This isn't the end! God loves me!"
___

Meanwhile, at Site-19… AKA "The Silent site."

Agent Buzzpeacok and researcher Woodypecker went to go check on Bobeep, also known as SCP-706. Their journey to find their friend had cost them several dead hamsters.

"We gonna get you outta there, peeps!" said Woody.

"No!" Bo-Peepers died."I love him!"

"Love who!??" Buzz asked, his brows were dancing and were very angry, suddenly the daily announcements intervened in what would have been the eventual confrontation between Agent Buzz Peacock and the Bed Post that read: "Agent Buzz peacock eats Lobster in Hawaii"- which was not true—- for Buzz Peacock is only a vegan.

A Pastor man's voice came through."On September 3/Wendsday/Easter, D-3456789101213 died at the Jaws of SCP-999. Let us all observe a moment of silence to respect the departed… For 24 more hours; May the sites only custodial researcher, please come and clear D-3456789101213 office…"

Every one bowed there heads in condolence for the dead, and where actively given a reminder as to why Site 19 was known as: 'The Site of Silence.'
__

It was a cold summer day in the wild west. Wanted posters hung just outside the sheriffs apartnment. They read as such…

SCP-3567

Offense: Illegal Mime

Reward: 370.67 $elfies

SCP-269

Crime: Unknown…

Reward: 1,000,010 $elfies

SCP-008

Offense: Voted for Mimes.

700 $elfies

SCP-789

Offense: being considered.(It might be Mimes)

10,000 $elfies

DR.Mann gets grammy.

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE
Xtreme beach.

Note: From now on take from the swear jar on the left side of the counter for reward money.

"You shouldn't come here… It's dangerous, little boy."

Sherif Gears- who was also a doctor - who stepped out across the ways from the next perp to eat his hot lead, landed into battle. Stock still the coolest man to ever kill, rob, pillage and even cook artichokes in the Guettoverse stood just across the sheriffs' field of view.
While in another perspective fresh liquid shit leaked from the slit in its pants and created a garden beneath his feet.

"We don't accept the likes of you in these private parts."

He maintained and managed, strict eye contact, eyes beginning to dry — red like strawberries. His hand lowered for his gun. His opponents wind-washed, peach shade, plaster skin reflecting Off the heat of the moon like a frying pan.

"This is a serious place!"

Watching the flintlock that hung around the waist just as properly as his, he waited, knowing the head of his opponents was locked in looking over one shoulder, would never budge an inch. Gears watched the creature carefully ever second growing longer, soon he found he couldn't wait— No hesitation he fired—

BANG

The victor having placed himself behind Gears neck and had given an unseen, yet patented touch of death, with the result of the match decided. Dr. Gears body dropped limply to the cold dirt.

Traveling into a nearby brothel, the stray bullet found its mark deep up the thick rear of the towns prized twerk champion, Dr. Mann.

He turned around."That'll be 25 $elfies." but no one was there; Now, feeling as though he had been ripped off, Dr. Mann began to sing.

♪IM SUCH A FUCKING SLUT!! I LIKE IT IN THE BUT!! I WORK AT TARGET! ♪

Such mundane lyrics, but her voice transformed it into a gem. On overhearing her singing in the kitchen, more than a few merchants and travelers staying the night at the brothel had declared her the next Beyonce, maybe even Taylor Swift. She could be a first-rate singer; and, setting a bag of coins on the table, they asked to be allowed to manage her. Her singing was that good.

Now he had all the money he could ever want.

Dr. Rights rose and shook her head in pity."Poor Mann, first his boyfriend dumps him and now this; Oh well." She carried on scrubbing the red from the floor. Just off against the wall hung Dr. Clefs crucified corpse. It had been there since last Thursday/ThanksGiving.

It replied back to life"You said it, sister!"… then died once more defying gravity into space.

The alluring aroma of bacon drew his attention to a southern clearing of the forest. His grey eyes scanned the various surroundings for any signs of ploy, and spotted the vine-covered grotto; the source of the luring scent.

Cautiously he made it to the entrance; when the cocking of a rifle battered his ears. Reliving events world war 2 in his mind, Abel squatted over a hole and let one out, covering his head and screaming at butterflies. Two cyberized feet stepped out from the door frame of the cave.

"Come get this barrel boy!!!"

Cain shot his brother airborne multiple times in the chest for 5 minutes. Strings of bullets pelted his chest, and Cain shot 2 more times; An explosion came behind him. He flailed forward in a backstroke. During that time Cain took the opportunity to obtain a burrito from the taco truck by the river.

After lunch Abel was dead. Cain dragged his brother's body to the cave, tossed him in, closed a door locked with 500,000 different car keys. He removed the camouflaging leaf tarp and revealed the caves true shape; that of a large cube.

He turned around and gingerly said, "It's safe now."

Cain kills Abel

The small colony of smurfs came out from the numerous hiding spots around the world, emerging from around stones and even toadstools. But their leader, Stephen Seagull, was the first to take the next step into the new era of peace. Following for centuries they had been at war with the red man, leaving the land torn; but now, they could all return to the oven.

They named Cain their forever goddess and messiah. For generations to come, their kind thrived on the planet of Pandora; Evolving to initiate intercourse with long braids and worshiping a very big tree.

10,000 years later…. a new era began…

Weighing over 600 pounds; a hole in the wall was needed to get Iris Thompson out of her home. She was almost blind. It had been years since she had seen the sunlight let alone air, gasping like a pufferfish she created a suction that nearly deprived bystanders of oxygen.

Her families mummified bodies were excavated from atop the bed where she had laid, along with Amelio Eelheart; who had miraculously survived on a dried patch of Yoplait on the sheets.

Days later Iris Thompson died of complications. Her longtime friend Amelio tells all.

"I was flying over the Atlantic with my co-pilot Iris Thompson, she loved snacks. When we stopped in Japan she bought a lot of burgers and crunchy rolls…"

"And then what happened?" asked the man somewhere… In the room.

"I was terrified, I'd never seen someone so—" She shivered. After a pause, she collected herself, and continued."As she began eating, she expanded quickly until our navigation cabin was overwhelmed, then, she said she wanted to go home. She had crashed landed in her backyard. We killed her grandparents, their bodies flew on the grill of her barbecue and… They were roasted. Next was the Corgie."

"That must have been hard for you."

"That was nothing. What came next was even more terrifying; she tried- running. She crushed the cat… Her kittens were absorbed by her folds, their spines cracking. I can still hear their screams…."

"I'm sorry you had to experience that, but, you know what?''

"What?''

"You've won… a million $elfies!!!!"

Amelia shot up and squealed in chippered glee all while they drove in her new Maserati. 12 people were driven over in the audience; she left the studio in an applause.

Meanwhile, in North Korea…

It was a cool spring morning in Pyongyang. The heir of the North Korean state, Big Jim, (as he was allowed to name himself for only he can) was sleeping soundly to the sound of impoverished laborers in the garden; who were growing tomatoes with yesterdays garbage.

A soldier caught one picking up an ice cream; the remnants of chocolate and eat it out of desperation.
A guard nearly shot the man before the man died on the spot from a heart attack.

His wife and daughter dropped what they were doing and screamed.

Stretching his arms to the wakeup call outside, it was the start of a wonderful new day.

For breakfast he had stew, but afterward would head to the maids quarters and leave his plate there with whatever he didn't consume. The trash can would be full of anything but fruit. He commenced his daily activity of licking the teeth marks on the cores, the taste so succulent; When amidst his routine he found a cookie.

"How dare you fat cows steel from your Master! After everything I’ve done for you!"

"You've been a bad, bad boy…"

A voice seductively whispered from the darkest corner of the room. Squinting Big Joe could make out the features: A round belly, a red suit, a white beard, clearly over weight. Beneath the coat, were heavenly gifts beneath it. Full breasts bulged from the corset, it stepped into the light revealed its nubile flesh; He could see…. It had on the stockings of a maids outfit.

"You've come… but it's too late; Satan is my lord and savior!"

Baileys Santa threw his hand aside."Fool you deal with forces you can only dream of comprehending!"

"Let us see!" Big Joe began, weaving his fingers rapidly; over a limited addition hello kitty ouija board. He dropped and smacked his hand over it and cried, "Summoning Contract!"

Steam puffed off in a sudden plume. Out from space emerged… The Great Anus. With it the countless angry voices of all the sacrifices. Cries of anguish from their death throes. A swollen hatred without focus.

Big Joe skipped back and now standing atop his summoned servant; He pointed for It to strike, a clear white glow grew in mass around the mouth of The Great Anus. A long beam of plasma shot through the 50 rooms left in the building arraying the area in its holy radiance.

Big Joe skipped back and now standing atop his summoned servant; He pointed for It to strike, a clear white glow grew in mass around the mouth of The Great Anus. A long beam of plasma shot through the 50 rooms left in the building arraying the area in its holy radiance.

Taking their first bite, each was transformed into the Five evils, they set off to the corners of the earth and began waging their destined war on the condom industry; Acquiring equal rights for frogs everywhere.

No longer did the frogs worry what the chemicals in the water did to them.

"What's this!?" Santa gandered off elsewhere, where fetus's in mass production stopped on their coat hangers. Amazon packaging factory. The few who could not make it emerged from the or face dispensaries in the chemical baths of eggnog.

The elves became re-released. As they looked at each other wondering what just set in, the master of elves spoke to inform them.

"My fellow brethren! Watashitachi wa tsugi no sedai no Cardi Bdesu!"

The words were felt in the hearts of many. Each free elf became aware of their inner carnal natures and unified, cheered onto the air….

" — Watashitachi WA tsugi no Sedai no Cardi Bdesu!!"
" — Watashitachi wa tsugi no sedai no Cardi Bdesu!!"
" —Watashitachi wa tsugi no sedai no Cardi Bdesu!!"

The Final Battle.

Baileys Santa held his side in pain; Without the oppression of thousands of converted unborn children— his vitality began to drain.
“No! My Welfare!!”

Big Joe chugged a large water bottle of Dawn, spilling water on his shirt, he fiddled with his navel before going down a slip and slide down the hill. The friction pulled his thong so far up his but it lengthened his ass crack.

Santa wagged his tongue between his teeth and did mouth spray. He shoved his hand within a cactus and punched the daylights out of a mother owl and her chicks. He then traveled 30,000 miles to the nearest McDonalds and ordered saltless fries.

"You are no match for me!"
"Hah! You fool!"

"I have beaten you."
"You haven't! I've beat my meat with the finest justice!"

“My ritual will destroy the source of your sorcery!”

“Never!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

Now the story continues…

"Marry me Mellona."

Mellona HoneyDews cheeks flushed. Tom Zucchini moved in ever closer. Staring into his eyes, he saw a soul full of fresh dirt.

"I don't know how…" said Mellona.

"I'll show you! Come with—"It was then Tom was shot, a bag of potatoes stepped out of the darkness carrying 300 flintlocks.

"You're mine now, Mellona!"

"Never!" Mellona got out her bottle of fruit loops, Her mother walked into her bedroom.

"Mellona no!"

"No one understands me! Why wouldn't you just fuck daddy!?"

"Because he wasn't your father! That was the mail man!"

"Oh god why! Why did you leave me!" she took the whole bottle, laid down and died. A large baby worm came from her body.

"Thank you! you saved me!"

"No problem," said the sack of potatoes, "Just doing my job."

"How can I ever repay you?"

"Oh. I might have a few Ideas…."