Tracque_'s Drafts

Alright. I'll get started now. Just gonna get the words on the page for now. We can come back to fix the problems later. Sound good?

Sure. I'll point out anything that sticks out along the way.


I am.

I see a world being formed around me.

Time is frozen at this moment, as a scene around me is slowly being painted.

A mountain range just barely visible over the horizon..

An assortment of flowers near and far.

A sparrow perched atop a tree branch.

A luscious meadow that stretches for miles.


I like the imagery. Strong, but leaves enough room for imagination. You've set the scene rather well here.

Thanks! Glad to hear it.


Time starts to move.

I begin to explore my surroundings.

I frolic in the meadows.

I climb up the mountains.

I play in this Garden of Eden.


Let me quickly stop you here before you go too far. If you're going to try and establish your character here, tell me what they're feeling and thinking, not just what they're doing.

Hmmm… I see where you're coming from. I'll sleep on that and come back to it.


Time freezes again.

But still, I remain conscious.

Nothing happens.

Nothing moves.

After what feels like hours, I can move again.

Something's new.

I see a bountiful tree, harbouring ripe fruit.

A snake whispers wonderful lies in my ear.

"The fruits. Superb, they are. You're so eager to take some. Aren't you?"

I listen to the lies, wishing I could think them true.

"You won't regret this if you do it. Eat as you please."


This is laying it on way too thick with the Bible stuff for my tastes.

Yeah, I was a bit worried about that. I have an idea on how to make it a bit more of its own thing though. IF that doesn't work for you, then I'll see about reworking this bit.


The snake disappears.

The tree as well.

The fruit in my hand remains the only evidence they existed.

I partake in the fruit.

And I disappear too.


Hmmm… this could be an interesting spin on the whole "Garden of Eden" story. It depends where you take this.

You think? I've got a decent idea where I want to take this. Gimmie a bit.


Time is frozen again.

A new scene is building around me.

It's harsher. It's colder.

The meadow is gone.

I now stand in the middle of a savanna.

A pride of lions is feasting on their newest catch.

Vultures are already circling over the eviscerated corpse.

A herd of wildebeests is stampeding past the horizon.

This scene is pure chaos: it's nature.

And here I am, with a half-eaten apple in my hand, watching it all.


This. Yes. I'm actually dying thinking about that image. Adam and his leaf just chilling in the grasslands whilst snacking on the fruit of knowledge. It's really… is funny the right word? In any case, I really like this.

:)


The scene stops changing.

But I still can't do anything.

I'm trapped in this moment.

I'm frozen.

Forever.