RiseOfTheKumquat- Chad Kougar Draft
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BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL
The following file describes a powerful, Euclid-class memetic anomaly,
and is Level 2/XXXX classified.
Unauthorized access is forbidden.
XXXX
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Site Responsible: USMTDE Site-76
Director: James Schuster Joana Steinmen
Research Head: Ignacio Padilla
Assigned Task Force: Lambda-2
Level 2/XXXX
CLASSIFIED
IMG_1839.JPG
LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH SCP-XXXX, from a safe distance at the original recovery site

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a 10m by 10m cell at Site-76 in Building G with a retractable ceiling hatch and a ramp by the door. A red circle surrounding the central pedestal, with a radius of exactly 3 meters, is painted for the benefit of all personnel involved. Researchers must be prepared to present at least three forms of identification before being granted access to SCP-XXXX's cell. Motion sensing alarms along the primary and ceiling entrances are to be activated between the hours of 10pm and 7am GMT-6, unless directed by a Senior Researcher under specific circumstances (See Containment Document XXXX-01). Lethal force is permitted if site security find any unauthorized transportation of the item. Testing is only permitted on Class-D Personnel with at least one Level 2 Senior Researcher present to supervise. Any test involving SCP-XXXX and any reality altering SCP requires approval from the O-5 council as of 10-20-2019 (see Experiment XXXX-065 and Incident Report XXXX-2). When SCP-XXXX is transported, the northwest sector (Rooms G20-G30) must be cleared of personnel to prevent contamination of SCP-XXXX's primary effect. Remote controlled drones, rovers, and mechanical arms will be used in all transporting, cleaning, or testing of SCP-XXXX. All personnel contaminated by SCP-XXXX's primary effect are to undergo extensive psychological evaluation to limit the severity of the item's recently discovered secondary effect. Personnel may return to work on SCP-XXXX as early as nine weeks if signs of the secondary effect do not emerge.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a stuffed animal, approximately 45 centimeters in height, intended to replicate a Mountain Lion (Puma concolor). Attached to the back of its left hind thigh is a tag, the front side reaffirming the species of animal the toy replicates and thanking the customer for their visit to the Lorwald Zoo (located in “Lorwald, AX”). On the backside of the tag is written “Psalm 118:22” (“The stone the builders reject has become the cornerstone”), “Fall Of Alexandra 9:12” (Reference not yet identified), and “surface washable, polyester fibers & PE plastic pellets, made in Adonistan.”

As of yet, there is no documented evidence of a human being able to get within 3 meters of SCP-XXXX without triggering its anomalous effect. Any sentient being capable of verbal communication that enters this item's area of effect will immediately stop what they're doing and enthusiastically start singing songs from Canadian music group Nickelback1. Subjects typically disregard all self-preservation instincts and will strain or injure themselves in the act of headbanging, miming various instruments, or otherwise expressing their intense enjoyment for the song that they're replicating. Subjects will continue these acts until they are removed from the area of effect, lose consciousness, or expire. Once removed from the area of effect, subjects will immediately regain control. Most surviving subjects are able to vividly describe the entirety of their experience, but it is nearly impossible to predict how they will look back on their time being controlled by SCP-XXXX. In post-test interviews, the divide between those who described the experience as liberating and pleasant and those who describe it as claustrophobic and traumatic is nearly a perfect 50-50 split. Several subjects have developed symptoms ranging from Acute Stress Disorder to Comorbid Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after being forced to sing for a few minutes, while numerous others have come away recounting generally positive experiences in spite of traumatic injury sustained to themselves or those around them. All subjects have reported hearing music, though sound isn't actually being produced by the item (see experiment logs XXXX-12, XXXX-13, XXXX-16, and XXXX-23). Although very rare, several cases of subliminal memetic after effects have been reported, enough to justify categorize this as SCP-XXXX's secondary effect. After experiencing the primary effect, some subjects have reported accidentally slipping Nickleback lyrics into conversations and written articles without being aware of their actions. Reported examples include writing checks to "my midnight queen" and leaving various Post-It Notes™ to "remind me of what I really am." For the average citizen, this is an inconvenience that could be expensive, annoying, and ruin friendships. However, for members of the Foundation, where thorough notes can make the difference between life, death, and the end of reality, we need to take this seriously. As of 03-14-2019, the longest reported example of the secondary effect lasted 5 weeks. As of 10-25-2019, the longest reported example of the secondary effect lasted 6 weeks. (See Incident Report XXXX-2)

High ranking members from the GOIs Gamers Against Weed and Doctor Wondertainment have denied any involvement in the creation of this item. Identifying the location of "the Lorwald Zoo," "Lorwald, AX," or "Adonistan" has been declared a Beta-Level priority.

Recovery Report XXXX-1:
SCP-XXXX was recovered in the apartment of ████ Jeffery on June 10th, 2011. The Foundation had been called in after the disappearance of six police officers in Ft. Collins, CO, all following up on a noise complaint on the west side. The resident, the building's tenant, and five of the officers were found in critical condition with the sixth officer was found deceased. Officer A███████ was called to the building to follow up on said noise complaint, wherein he entered Mr. Jeffery's apartment and joined Mr. Jeffery and the tenant in their rendition of "Rockstar." The other officers recounted similar stories. After several hours, Officer A███████ recalled accidentally tripping Officer S████ at which point he (Officer S████) fell over, hitting his head on the nightstand and kicking the tenant in the high ankle area. This led to a tear in the tenant's Achilles tendon, causing him to fall on top of Officer F███████, suffocating the officer to death. Other injuries included dehydration (all subjects involved), damaged vocal cords (all subjects involved), separated shoulder (Officer A███████), torn rotator cuff (Officer A███████, Officer J████), bruising (all subjects involved), broken hand (Officer G██████), broken forearm (Officer S████), concussion (Officer S████, Officer M████, Mr. Jeffery, the tenant), and a Posterior Cruciate Ligament tear (Officer M████). After almost 7 hours and ██ failed attempts, SCP-XXXX was successfully secured via remote rover and transported to Site 76.

When questioned, Mr. Jeffery claimed that he had bought SCP-XXXX as a birthday gift for his four-year-old daughter, who he splits custody with, thinking it was a normal stuffed animal.

IMG_1841.JPG
LOO Mr. Jeffery's crude recreation of the logo he described.

He had no recollection of where he had ordered the item but claims that the package it was delivered featured a distinct logo: "A wacked up triangle with a box… some Illuminati shit man." He provided a crude illustration of what he remembered the logo looking like before inviting agents back into his apartment to try and find the box that the item arrived in. The box was nowhere to be found. Agents couldn't identify the website that Mr. Jeffrey had ordered from as his internet history had been cleared. Mr. Jeffery's story with the box contradicts several known properties of SCP-XXXX (see Experiment Logs XXXX-1, XXXX-21, and XXXX-30) and it would be within the best interest of the foundation to continue surveillance of Mr. Jeffery until we find another lead on the origin of SCP-XXXX.

All other subjects involved signed classified non-disclosure agreements and a story about Officer F███████ being killed in the line of duty was fabricated.

Recovery Report XXXX-1A:
An application to the Foundation's Robotics Divison has been uncovered with Mr. Jeffery's name attached. He had been recommended by one of our recruiters at the University of ████████████ █████ for his programming skills. The file doesn't indicate whether or not the Foundation had employed Mr. Jeffery for any given period of time. A formal request for additional background information has been sent in and is awaiting Level 3 clearance.

SCP-XXXX Phase Two Experiments:

For a more extensive breakdown of the earlier tests performed on SCP-XXXX see Experiment Log-XXXX-A.

Researcher's Note: Phase One existed largely to confirm or clarify the certain effects identified during the item's recovery. Experiments 01 through 10 tested various containment materials against SCP-XXXX's AOE and Experiments 12 through 20 tested various methods of limiting senses in order to subdue the primary effect (earplugs, blindfolds, etc.). None of these tests were particularly fruitful. Experiment 11, wherein I volunteered to test SCP-XXXX's effect on my cochlear implant, was terminated and replaced with Experiment 11-A, wherein SCP-XXXX's effect was tested on various electronic communication devices (two-way radio transceivers, cellular phones, pagers, etc). No significant alterations to SCP-XXXX's area of effect could be reported. I strongly believe that a test similar to Experiment 11 must be carried out as soon as we acquire a D-Class Personel member with a cochlear implant or similar aid. -Dr. Padilla

Experiment Log XXXX-21:
Date: 12-██-2011
Subject: D-Class Personel D-51128 ("Lupe")
Lead Researcher: Dr. Walton Dr. Padilla
Question: What would happen if someone breached the area of effect (AOE) and was able to touch SCP-XXXX directly?
Procedure: SCP-XXXX is lifted up by a mechanical arm and dangled over its usual spot in the cell. One (1) king-sized mattress is slid underneath the item for safety. Lupe will run full-speed from just outside the cell, jump from the red line (indicating the edge of the item's AOE), lay out and grab SCP-XXXX, landing safely on the mattress.
Procedure: D-51128 ("Lupe") lays down on his back in the middle of SCP-XXXX's cell, while SCP-XXXX is slowly lowered down on top of him at a pace of 10cm per second via a mechanical arm.
Details: Once brought into SCP-XXXX's AOE, Lupe immediately began singing Photograph. After 30 seconds, the arm's approach speed began to decrease to almost half its programmed speed. No software or hardware issues were detected, but all attempts to speed up the arm failed. Approximately a minute Exactly 52 seconds after SCP-XXXX's effect took hold of Lupe, the item made contact with the subject's right arm at which point he lept to his feet, visibly in pain, but after a moment continued singing. Using a second mechanical arm, several more attempts were made to initiate contact between SCP-XXXX and Lupe. All attempts were evaded by the subject. After two and a half more songs, he was assisted out of the AOE at which point the arm was evaluated. The area that directly touched SCP-XXXX displayed symptoms consistent with 2nd-degree burns. Lupe was dismissed for treatment. Later test results on the first mechanical arm used have given no indication as to what caused that minor malfunction.
Notes: This is the first documented incident of a subject acting in self-preservation while under SCP-XXXX's anomalous effect. Dr. Walton and I disagree as to whether or not Lupe had broken free of the effect in the moments following direct contact. It appeared wildly apparent from my view that the subject stopped singing to react to the injuries sustained by contact with the item. Dr. Walton apparently has a different take. Regardless, I would also like to note that Lupe handled these past few tests really well and he's been a great asset to Site-76 in general. -Dr. Padilla

To build off of my colleague's observation, I would like to point out that Lupe's screams of pain following SCP-XXXX's initial contact with his arm transitioned perfectly into the "OH GOD I- AYE" bridge in Photograph. On top of making the audio recording from this test a welcome addition to the Site 76 White Elephant Gift Exchange this year, I believe this infers a certain degree of sentience on the part of SCP-XXXX. I don't believe the mechanical arm malfunction was a coincidence: it enabled the subject to react in pain during a point in the song that was mostly vocal filler. Not only was SCP-XXXX aware of its surroundings, it made a gag out of our test. I don't believe Lupe had any control over his voice from the moment he entered the AOE and I believe SCP-XXXX is sentient or at the very least autonomous. Obviously, further testing will be required. -Dr. Walton

Experiment Log XXXX-22:
Date: 12-██-2011
Subject: D-Class Personel D-45107 ("Rudy"), Dr. Padilla
Lead Researcher: Dr. Walton
Question: Is it possible to communicate with SCP-XXXX?
Procedure: D-45107 ("Rudy") will enter SCP-XXXX's AOE, acting as a sort of puppet an intermediary between Dr. Padilla and the item. If successful, we may immediately begin conducting Interview XXXX-1.

Audio Documentation:

<Begin Log>

Dr. Walton: "You ready to go Rudy?"

Rudy: "Yeah, sure. I'm sorry, what does this one do again?"

Dr. Padilla: "It's not gonna hurt, Rudy, just step into the red circle."

Rudy: "Alright alright…."

[Rudy enters the AOE]

Rudy: "I'm tired of standing in lines when I'll never get in,
It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win!
"

Dr. Walton: "Okay, you're up. Remember: simple yes or no questions."

Dr. Padilla: "Got it."

[Dr. Padilla enters the room. Rudy turns to face him, gesturing towards him as he sings]

Rudy: "I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
Might even cut my hair and change my name
Cause we all just-a wanna be big rockstars
And live-
"

Dr. Padilla: "SCP-XXXX? Can you hear me?"

Rudy: [Pause] "Yeah! Yeah!" [Pause]
"Gonna join the Mile High Club at 37 thousand feet."

Dr. Padilla: "SCP-XXXX? Is my shirt blue?"

Rudy: [Pause] "No no" [Pause]
"With the latest dictionary and today's who's whos"

[Dr. Padilla holds up five fingers on his right hand]

Dr. Padilla: "SCP-XXXX, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Rudy: [Pause] "FIFTEEN" [Rudy looks at his hands] "FIFTE-"

Dr. Padilla: "Sorry, am I holding up 5 fingers?"

Rudy: [Pause] "Yeah! Yeah!"

[Dr. Padilla puts down his pointer finger and thumb.]

Dr. Padilla: "How about now?"

Rudy: "No no."

[Dr. Padilla raises four fingers]

Dr. Padilla: "How about now?"

Rudy: "No no."

[Dr. Padilla raises all five fingers again]

Rudy: "Yeah! Yeah!"

Dr. Walton: "Alright, I think we're good. Let's get Rudy out of there."

<End log>

Notes: As predicted, SCP-XXXX has limited speech capabilities due to its commitment to Nickelback lyrics. Its "yes" and "no" responses derive from the song This Is How You Remind Me. -Dr. Walton

Interview Log XXXX-1:
Date: 12-██-2011
Interviewer: Dr. Padilla, with the assistance of D-19789 ("Dalton")
Audio Documentation:

<Begin Log>

Dr. Padilla: "Are you enjoying your stay here, XXXX?"

Dalton: "Yeah! Yeah!"

Dr. Padilla: "That's… actually a bit unexpected. Most subjects initially express resentment if they're able to. Or are you just being polite?"

Dalton: "No no. [Pause] I [Pause] never gonna be alone [Pause] how could anyone ask for more?"

Dr. Padilla: "You're enjoying your stay here because you enjoy the company?"

Dalton: "YEAH! YEAH!"

Dr. Padilla: "So would it be fair to say that you enjoy… influencing the actions of others?"

Dalton:"Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah! We must stand together. Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah! There's no giving in. Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah! Hand in hand forever. Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah! That's when we all win."

Dr. Padilla: "And are you aware of the fact that subjects under your influence tend to get hurt?"

Dalton: "[Pause] [In a forlorn tone] Yeah, yeah."