Excerpts Regarding a Beast from the Sea
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Verifying Horizon Initiative credentials…
Accessing Universal Texts…
Querying "Three Portlands Crocosquid attack"…

_ texts found.
Declassified SAUL Report, May 1988;
Fifth Epistle to the Three Portlanders;
On the Folly of Slaying Leviathan (AC-1102);
In Praise of the Life-Giving Beast (AC-1108);
something.

Declassified SAUL Report, May 1988

Project SAUL is an ongoing attempt to formalize the practice of metamancy1, guided by modern advances in the fields of statistics and machine learning. Each divinatory method is used to predict whether a "critical event" (defined as an event necessitating an organization-wide response by the Horizon Initiative) will occur in a month, a half-year, and a year from the present. These predictions are weighted and analyzed on the basis of previous performance to generate the overall predicted probabilities of a critical event. A divinatory method's inclusion in Project SAUL should not be interpreted as an endorsement of its mystical or theological underpinnings.


Method Month ½ Year Year
Casting of lots Y N Y
Sortes Sanctorum Y Y N
Urim and Thummim (Priestly) Y Y N
Urim and Thummim (LDS) N Y N
Endorian necromancy Y Y N
Scribal dream aggregation Y N N
Tribunal dream aggregation N Y Y
Goetic summoning Y N N
I Ching (expert interpretation) N Y Y
I Ching (Cheng-Wu algorithm) Y Y N
Oracle bones Y Y N
Opon Ifá Y Y N
Thamaturgic Mersenne Twister Y N N
Mersenne Twister N Y N
Overall Probability 0.937 0.892 0.091

Action Items: Since the predicted one-month critical event probability for May 1988's reading exceeded 0.8, instructions for emergency preparedness were sent to all Initiative members, complying with Project SAUL's reporting procedures.

Postmortem: Predicted critical event identified with June 13th, 1988 attack on Three Portlands by a colossal cephalopodic sea beast with a draconic head, dubbed by the media as the "Fivesquid." All Initiative operatives in Three Portlands were accounted for after the attack, having promptly acted on emergence preparedness and response procedures. A portion of Initiative emergency funds was diverted and earmarked for humanitarian aid to foster Three Portlands' recovery and for anti-cult suppression operations in the wake of the attack.

Greeting

1 In the name of the Most High God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful,

2 To the unmasked faithful of the God of Abraham who are in the Three Portlands, and to all fellow seekers therein:

3 May God grant you peace, and may mercy and goodness follow you all the days of your lives. 4 Your fellow servants among the Tribunal pray for your healing in your time of need.

Consolation of Victims

5 We have seen the destruction wrought upon your community by the beast from the sea, and pledge our support to all of its numerous victims. 6 We have set aside a major portion of our charitable budget for the relief of the Three Portlands, its believers and Gentiles alike. 7 The sword that wounds the innocent among the unmasked wounds us all. 8 You may already know of our Shepherds among you; they are agents of our organization, but firstly they are servants of God and His infinite mercy. 9 If you find yourself in need of assistance due to these recent events, do not hesitate to contact them. 10 If you do not know of any, ask your local religious leaders—priests, pastors, imams, and rabbis alike—to introduce you.

Recognition of First Responders

11 We also wish to recognize those who risked their lives to assist their fellow man during the attack and its immediate aftermath. 12 Among them, of course, are the firefighters, paramedics, doctors, and rescue workers, but so are the many ordinary people who came together in solidarity to offer each other protection and comfort. 13 In this time we also direct our thanks to the soldiers of the Global Occult Coalition, who brought a decisive end to what could have been a prolonged humanitarian crisis. 14 We will, however, continue to voice our organization's displeasure against the Coalition's unjustified persecution of gifted and visited believers, and their sheltering of heretical and ungodly sects among the Council of 108.

Warning Against Cults

15 And while on the subject of ungodly sects, we must urge you to exercise continued vigilance, now that the immediate danger has passed. 16 For it is the nature of a frightened man to seek patterns among shadows, to put hope in things that are worthless and transitory. 17 We have no doubt that there will be some who will misread their mortal fear as divine awe, and in doing so proclaim, "Behold your gods, O Israel!" 18 And surely there are those among you who already worship perverse abominations in open or in secret; the shapers of flesh, the readers of stars. 19 They will not hesitate to sow doubt among you and prey on your uncertainties. 20 Therefore, be watchful of your neighbors and pass on any suspicions to our Shepherds so that they may investigate on your behalf.

21 The love of the God of Abraham be with you all. Amen.

The following sermon was preached in the Church of Urgent Purification2 by R. Jefferson3. The sermon was recorded by a mole within the sect and passed onto a Shepherd based in Portland, Maine, as part of standard anti-cult operations.


On the Folly of Slaying Leviathan

Today, we must all take the time to thank God for having delivered us out of the Three Portlands and into the tender care of Providence. Now I am sure that all of you already know my thoughts on the Three Portlands, so I will not repeat them today. Instead, I wish to discuss a recent act of hubris.

You may already know that the beast that attacked the Three Portlands from the sea—the "Fivesquid," as it were—was slain by the hands of the Global Occult Coalition. The effort, it is said, required all manner of weapons, paratechnological instruments of destruction that were only ever meant to be in the hands of the avenging angel of the Lord, not of men.

The beast they slew, they say, was armored in scales harder than any metal. Bullets and missiles did not pierce it; searing plasma fared little better. No, it took an unholy weapon—clearly powered by thaumaturgy—that is not the work of man, but rather the demons who delivered such power.

It does not surprise me that such power was necessary, for I contend that the "Fivesquid" was no brute beast, but an instrument of the Lord—Leviathan. Let us recall from the Book of Job: "His back is made of rows of shields, shut up so closely as with a seal… [here, the remainder of Job 41 is omitted]."

What is the meaning of this? It shows us the full extent of the Coalition's idolatry, and the idolatry of any man who seeks to harness thaumaturgical power. They dare to stand before Leviathan, the Lord's unconquerable creation, so that they can fill his skin with harpoons, and his head with fishing spears.

Today Leviathan lies dead, and the fools think themselves successful, secure in their position in the plains because they have chariots of iron. But this false success will be their downfall, for they are no better than Sennacherib, whose hosts were cut down in the thousands by the angel of the Lord.

How foolish are they really?

Do they think that if Elijah returns to make mockeries of all our idols with fire from Heaven, they can simply shoot him in the back of the head? That if a second Ezekiel sees the chariot of the Lord gliding through the air, they can simply scramble fighters to intercept it? That if Gabriel blows his horn to signal the end of days, they can simply silence him with a missile?

There is no power, mortal or demonic, that can conquer the Lord or His angels or His prophets if that his His will. The Coalition has never slayed, and will never slay the Living God!