Useless

Object #: SCP-USELESS-J

Object Class: Useless damn it.

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-USELESS-J is to be taped to the wall of any useless locked room. No personnel are allowed to move SCP-USELESS-J or enter the same useless room as it unless it is for useless testing purposes. In the event of a breach, no actions should be made to recontain SCP-USELESS-J because it just recontains itself THAT'S HOW USELESS IT IS.

Description:
SCP-USELESS-J is useless. Testing has proved that it is useless, and a cognitive hazard. The effects of SCP-USELESS-J are consistent and rapidly increasing levels of useless anger, as well as the loss of useless brain cells. The range of this effect is ten (10) feet. Seven minutes of useless exposure will result in the useless death of subjects as their brain cells will all be dead by then. Exposure for more than five (5) useless minutes is fatal¹ as the effects last for two (2) minutes after exposure. Another effect from the useless cognitive hazard is being unable to say it is not useless in any sentence describing it and/or the useless effects of it. We have yet to find someone who can say that SCP-USELESS-J isn’t useless.

Footnotes

1. Keep it near them for four minutes and you get to hear their hysterical rants on how useless it is.
-Dr██████