Vaporo

A structure designed by an instance of SCP-5492-1

Item #: SCP-5492

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5492 is to be stored flat inside of a glass case on top of a pedestal. SCP-5492 is never to be opened except by approved research personnel or during testing procedures. Should SCP-5492 be opened by an unapproved individual, the opener is to undergo immediate psychological evaluation to ascertain whether they have become an instance of SCP-5492-1. If the opener is determined to be an instance SCP-5492-1, SCP-5492 is to be removed from the possession of SCP-5492-1 and returned to storage, if it has not already.

All instances of SCP-5492-1 are to be detained indefinitely at the discretion of the attending psychologist. Regardless of its apparent credentials and insistence to the contrary, SCP-5492-1 is never to be entrusted with any science, engineering, mechanical, electrical, or otherwise technically-oriented project. This also includes but is not limited to plumbing, electrical wiring, programming, automotive maintenance, and construction work. If SCP-5492-1 is found to have performed any work on such a project, their work is to be erased and the project restarted from the point when SCP-5492-1 first interacted with it. If SCP-5492-1 has the aptitude, with the approval of the attending psychologist it may be enrolled in a science or engineering program taught by foundation researchers in hopes of reversing the effect of SCP-5492.

Description: SCP-5492 is an aged blue leather folio with the dimensions of approximately 23x30x1 centimeters, characteristic of the folios containing diplomas typically given to graduates by universities. It bears no external markings, but is covered in several small scuffs and scratches, particularly around the edges.

When opened, the top half of SCP-5492 is a cotton fabric covering clearly intended to prevent damage to the contents of the lower half of SCP-5492. The lower half of SCP-5492 contains a single sheet of high-quality 8.5x11 printer paper, the contents of which varies depending on the opener.

When opened, the paper contained within SCP-5492 will instantly morph to become a college diploma with the name of the opener and the date of graduation being the current date. The diploma will usually indicate a Bachelors, Masters, and occasionally PHD in some field of Engineering, usually Mechanical or Electrical. However, other types of credentials have also been observed, usually in physics, chemistry, another hard science, and in one instance even Whale Biology. Notably, no part of SCP-5492 ever shows any indication of what university the degree is from, but the overwhelming majority of observers will not notice this particular detail or find anything else unusual about the diploma unless it is pointed out.

Individuals who possess great technical skill prior to contact with SCP-5492, particularly those who have completed a technical degree of Bachelors level or higher, will typically be unaffected by SCP-5492. Once an individual has opened SCP-5492 and been shown to be unaffected, they are to be designated as "approved" and may freely open SCP-5492 whenever necessary. Individuals who do not possess significant technical skills will instead usually become an instance of SCP-5492-1.

Instances of SCP-5492-1 appear identical in personality and physical appearance both before and after contact with SCP-5492. However, instances of SCP-5492-1 will immediately believe themselves to be an expert in whatever field is listed in SCP-5492.

Instances of SCP-5492-1 gain no skills in addition to those they possessed prior to their contact with to SCP-5492. In fact, there even appears to even be a moderate degradation of relevant skills after exposure. In effect, SCP-5492-1 exhibits symptoms similar to an extreme case of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

All short-term attempts to convince SCP-5492-1 that it is not an expert in its field will fail. When unable to answer simple questions about its field, SCP-5492-1 will usually dodge the question, make excuses, resort to verbally attacking the questioner, or, if the questioner is particularly persistent, angrily leave and demand better treatment in accordance with an expert in its field.

Curiously, SCP-5492-1's memory does not seem to be altered after exposure to SCP-5492. It will remember the events of its exposure to SCP-5492 perfectly. However, if asked exactly where it received its knowledge, SCP-5492-1 will become evasive and try to change the subject. Prior warning about SCP-5492's effects seem to have no bearing on whether an instance of SCP-5492-1 is created. SCP-5492-1 seems incapable of recognizing the cognitive dissonance.

The only treatment show to be effective on a instance SCP-5492-1 is actual education in its technical field. While SCP-5492-1 is always initially resistant to education, believing itself to be above such remedial classes, persistence may eventually result in an epiphany in SCP-5492-1, after which it will realize its gross incompetence and cease to be an instance of SCP-5492-1. Particularly stubborn instances though seem to be beyond help, and will insist on their own expertise no matter how apparent their lack of knowledge makes itself.

At this point the reality and mind-warping effects of SCP-5492-1 should be noted. The credentials of SCP-5492-1 will frequently appear legitimate to Foundation personnel, often even those involved with the instance's initial exposure. Containment is crucial, since if not properly contained events will conspire to ensure that SCP-5492-1 causes as much damage as possible.

Effects Section 1: Small-scale

Instances of SCP-5492-1 actually are, as they often claim, "able to fix anything" related to their field, in the short term at least. SCP-5492-1 will take every possible opportunity to apply its technical "knowledge" and will solve seemingly simple problems with dangerous, esoteric, creative, and ad-hoc solutions using only the materials that are immediately available to them. They even seem capable of making repairs when repairs should not be physically possible. However, every project that SCP-5492-1 works on will inevitable fail catastrophically at some point in the near future, and always after the instance of SCP-5492-1 that implemented the fix is at a safe distance. Even projects in which SCP-5492-1 had only a minor role can result in a catastrophic failure.

SCP-5492-1 seems to compelled to develop its own "solutions" to problems, even if a well-established solution already exists. In one experiment, an instance of SCP-5492-1 was given instruction on proper soldering techniques. It was then asked to solder the power wire of a desk lamp without any supervision. However, instead of simply soldering the wiring and applying heat shrink tubing, SCP-5492-1:

1. Cut the opposite power wire (Only one of the power wires was cut).
2. Used the blowtorch (provided to apply heat-shrink tubing) to melt the solder into a pair of ad-hoc wires.
3. Spat on the wires to "cool them off faster."
4. Wrapped its work in clear packing tape (although electrical tape was provided).
5. Didn't touch the soldering iron once.

When it was plugged in, the lamp operated normally for 4 hours. However, after SCP-5492-1 was allowed to return to its cell, the lamp short circuited, tripping the facility's breaker and causing a brief blackout in the section as well as starting a small electrical fire, which was quickly extinguished. When confronted about the incident, SCP-5492-1 insisted that we "Must have done something to break it."

Effects Section 2: Large-scale

If left to its own devices, SCP-5492-1 will seek out immediate employment in its field. Typically, SCP-5492-1 will search for high-level positions such as the titles of Principal Engineer, Lead Engineer, or Engineering Manager. In particular, SCP-5492-1 appears to be attracted to positions where the failure of a project could cause a great deal of damage, such as civil engineering for large bridges or the design of space launch vehicles.

So long as at some point in the application process SCP-5492-1 mentions its apparent degree obtained through SCP-5492, the application will result in a job interview 90% of the time, regardless of the actual quality of the resume. 80% of said job interviews will result in a job offer. This is true even for heavily contested positions.

In most cases, once SCP-5492-1 receives its position it will operate with little supervision and have absolute control over its portion of the project. As a result, few in the organization will recognize SCP-5492-1's incompetence. Those who should have the technical skill to recognize them will often miss or overlook SCP-5492-1's obvious errors, providing further evidence that SCP-5492-1 emits a low-level reality-warping effect.

When SCP-5492-1's project comes to fruition, it may function normally for a short time, typically long enough for construction to be finished or final checks to be completed. However, soon afterwards the design will fail catastrophically, often causing massive casualties and property damage.

Events will always conspire to ensure that SCP-5492-1 is outside of the damage radius when failure occurs, however beyond this point SCP-5492-1's reality-warping effects begin to break down. The resultant investigation will inevitably lead back to SCP-5492-1's incompetence and SCP-5492-1 will then resign or have their position terminated, at which point it will begin its search for jobs anew.