Archives of my old Article/Tale drafts that were considered either too bland to expand upon, or were too difficult for me to flesh out into something worthwhile.
- "IOCR" - Second Draft
- "IOCR" - First Draft
- "RTTM" Tale - Second Draft
- "RTTM" Tale - First Draft
- SP - Fifth Draft
- SP - Fourth Draft
- SP - Third Draft
- SP - Second Draft
- SP - First Draft
- TDP - First Draft
- RP - First Draft
Ignition of a Chain Reaction
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The geographic area containing SCP-XXXX is to be surrounded with 900 V electric fence no less than 2 m in height. No unauthorized personnel are to be granted access to SCP-XXXX, and the area is to be deemed inaccessible to civilians under the guise of a wildlife preserve.
Collection of SCP-XXXX-01 samples are available to all personnel of clearance Level 3 or higher, or to personal with clearance Level 2 or higher while under supervision of at least two Level 3 research personnel. All samples of SCP-XXXX-01 collected are to be stored in the Flammable and Combustive Materials Chamber at Site 29, following analysis and testing.
Samples of SCP-XXXX-01 are only to be taken by personnel of clearance Level 3 or higher, and analysis is to be conducted exclusively in the Biohazardous Materials Testing Sector of Site 32, with the use of negative-pressure fume hoods and standard inhalation-hazard protective equipment. Any testing of SCP-XXXX-01 is strictly forbidden outside of the Biohazardous Materials Testing Sector, and all samples are to be neutralized via dilution and properly disposed of immediately following testing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an oil reservoir located in ████████, ████████, United States. The reservoir is estimated to have a radius of 15 km and is located approximately 2400 m below the surface, though exact measurements are poorly defined, as the unusual depth of the reservoir prevents definitive measurements from being recorded using standard equipment.
The petroleum contained within this reservoir is chemically and functionally identical to petroleum typically found in the region, with no significant variations observed on a molecular level. No anomalies have been observed in SCP-XXXX's crude oil, but become apparent when the oil is refined into standard gasoline, at this point designated SCP-XXXX-01.
Although SCP-XXXX-01 is chemically identical to standard gasoline, it contains significantly more chemical energy. The exact energy contents of SCP-XXXX-01 vary, typically measuring at about 158,500,000 joules per liter (about 500% the energy content of a liter of typical gasoline), though records exist of samples containing levels as high as [DATA EXPUNGED].
Despite containing massive amounts of chemical energy, SCP-XXXX-01 is also unusual in that emissions produced during combustion (designated SCP-XXXX-02) are significantly less harmful than their natural counterparts. For instance, carbon dioxide produced through any conventional means is typically rated as a Level 3 “Extreme” Health Hazard.1 Despite being chemically identical on a molecular level, carbon dioxide produced via combustion of SCP-XXXX-01 instead poses hazards equivalent to a Level 1 “Slight” Health Hazard, when tested using the same guidelines and procedures. The reasoning behind this significant reduction in harmful effects is unknown.
Due to the high chemical energy and low emission rate of combustion of SCP-XXXX-01, it hs frequently been discussed as an efficient fuel for processes requiring significant amounts of energy. Research into the applications of SCP-XXXX-01 as a fuel source is currently on going. Proposals for testing are available for any research personnel meeting the qualifications outlined in the containment procedures. See Addenda.
Recovery Log XXXX: SCP-XXXX came to public attention in the early 19██s, after media reports began surfacing about the first reservoir of oil being found in the region in ██ years. When the anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX-01 were discovered and subsequently publicized, the Foundation intervened and seized the land under the guise of eminent domain by the Department of Energy. The media reports were dismissed as misinformation from fossil fuels lobbyists, and the area was restricted to the public under the guise of protecting endangered wildlife from further exploitation. Amnestics were administered to the excavation company involved in the reservoir's discovery and the current containment procedures were implemented.
Addendum XXXX-A: Following the incident at Site 29 and subsequent reclassification of SCP-XXXX as Euclid, research focus has shifted towards investigation of additional anomalous properties possessed by SCP-XXXX-01 and -02. Research is ongoing, as is investigation into the events which occurred at Site 29 prior to the incident.
Addendum-XXXX-B: TBA
Ignition of a Chain Reaction
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: The geographic area containing SCP-XXXX is to be surrounded with 900 V electric fence no less than 2 m in height. No unauthorized personnel are to be granted access to SCP-XXXX, and the area is to be deemed inaccessible to civilians under the guise of a wildlife preserve.
Collection of SCP-XXXX-01 samples are available to all personnel of clearance Level 3 or higher, or to personal with clearance Level 2 or higher while under supervision of at least two Level 3 research personnel. All samples of SCP-XXXX-01 collected are to be stored in the Flammable and Combustive Materials Chamber at Site 29, following analysis and testing.
Samples of SCP-XXXX-01 are only to be taken by personnel of clearance Level 3 or higher, and analysis is to be conducted exclusively in the Flammable Materials Testing Sector of Site 32. Combustion of SCP-XXXX-01 is strictly forbidden outside of the Flanmable Materials Testing Center, and all samples are to be neutralized via dilution and disposed of immediately following testing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an oil reservoir located in ████████, ████████, United States. The reservoir is estimated to have a radius of 15 km and is located approximately 2400 m below the surface, though exact measurements are poorly defined, as the unusual depth of the reservoir prevents definitive measurements from being recorded using standard equipment.
The petroleum contained within this reservoir is chemically and functionally identical to petroleum typically found in the region, with no significant variations observed on a molecular level. No anomalies have been observed in SCP-XXXX's crude oil, but become apparent when the oil is refined into standard gasoline, at this point designated SCP-XXXX-01.
Although SCP-XXXX-01 is chemically identical to standard gasoline, it contains significantly more chemical energy. The exact energy contents of SCP-XXXX-01 vary, typically measuring at about 158,500,000 joules per liter (about 500% the energy content of a liter of typical gasoline), though records exist of samples containing levels as high as [DATA EXPUNGED].
Despite containing massive amounts of chemical energy, SCP-XXXX-01 is also unusual in that it produces significant less emissions during combustion, with a typical liter producing less than 60% of the emissions that the equivalent quantity of standard gasoline would produce.
Due to the high chemical energy and low emission rate of combustion of SCP-XXXX-01, it hs frequently been discussed as an efficient fuel for processes requiring significant amounts of energy. Research into the applications of SCP-XXXX-01 as a fuel source is currently on going. Proposals for testing are available for any research personnel meeting the qualifications outlined in the containment procedures. See Addendum XXXX-A.
Recovery Log XXXX: SCP-XXXX came to public attention in the early 19██s, after media reports began surfacing about the first reservoir of oil being found in the region in ██ years. When the anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX-01 were discovered and subsequently publicized, the Foundation intervened and seized the land under the guise of eminent domain by the Department of Energy. The media reports were dismissed as misinformation from fossil fuels lobbyists, and the area was restricted to the public under the guise of protecting endangered wildlife from further exploitation. Amnestics were administered to the excavation company involved in the reservoir's discovery and the current containment procedures were implemented.
Addendum XXXX-A: Following the incident at Site 29 and SCP-XXXX-01’s reclassification as Euclid, research has been chiefly focused on analysis of emissions produced during combustion. Results have indicated that, despite producing significantly lower levels of emissions, emissions produced by combustion can vary widely in composition, even during combustion of gasoline samples refined from the exact same sample of crude oil. These compositions have varied from nearly pure oxygen to extremely concentrated levels of nitrogen oxides, even including chemicals not found in any analysis of SCP-XXXX-01, such as potassium, phosphate, calcium, and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Because both the composition and concentration of these chemicals are also extremely variable, a significant threat is posed by the possibility of production of highly flammable emissions, which would undergo immediate combustion via the initial heat source and in turn produce more flammable emissions, igniting a chain reaction that could result in significant damage to both property and personnel. This is believed to be the cause behind the incident at Site 29, although investigation is still pending.
Ruminating Through The Mind
All the noises merged in his mind. The yelling, the threats, the banging on the door. As jarring as it all was, they all merged together into inaudible fogginess.
He stared at the screen and struggled to comprehend what he had read. It didn't make sense. It was impossible. Well, not impossible. It wasn't even necessarily unusual. But it definitely couldn't have happened to him. Yet it did.
Everything made sense. The entire past week had seemed so in-explainable, and nothing that happened really matched up with what should've happened. But that single message, that short block of text, cleared up everything more so than he could've possible expected.
This, of course, was no resolution for the wave of thunderous noise coming from outside his door. What really surprised him was how quickly it all stopped. The thunder was stopped by two clicks, and then so was everything else.
Acquisition
Agent Cullings had to remind himself that this was a minimal-risk operation. That's why they only sent the two of them. He pulled up the Mission Preface for a brief review, as Agent Wilson made the turn off the MassPike.
It was a typical recovery mission. The university was in the heart of Boston, barely even a half hour from Site 29. Though the risk of danger was low, the fact that it was Boston meant risk of security breach was high. That's why they had to take this crummy work van instead of any standard Foundation transportation. And also why they had to wear these working-class construction outfits. They couldn't even open carry. Much different than most recovery cases that he had done, which usually took place in the middle of the woods.
As they approached the main parking garage, Cullings glanced over at the sign hanging above the university's entrance.
NOTICE:
Structural deficiency has caused the city of Boston to declare this building temporarily unsuitable for standard educational use.
Do not enter without proper authorization.
PUNISHABLE BY IMPRISONMENT.
The PR guys definitely have their sway in the city government.
Wilson pulled up to the curb a few blocks from the main campus. After putting the van in park, they got out and made their way to the university. The door had a specialized Foundation security lock, though it was easily disarmed once Cullings swiped his ID badge.
Back when the reports first surfaced, it was mostly local news. He couldn't even remember if it ever even touched any national headlines. But Foundation PR workers monitor pretty much every news source, so when half a dozen Massachusetts new sources all reported on a "malfunctioning printer" that was talking to students, it didn't take long for them to jump into action. Scrubbing the media clean was the easy part, but convincing the locals that it was all fake news was the hard part. Managing to get the amnestics on the stubborn ones was even harder. Fortunately that was the PR's job. When that was done, it didn't take long to announce that the building's structural integrity was failing and it was temporarily unfit for use. A few construction outfits and a work van later, and they pretty much just walked into the building and made their way to the IT department.
It definitely stood out among the rest. All the other printers were much more modern and sleek, while their target was a dinosaur. Cullings could feel the weight of it just looking at it.
There were no reports of any real danger posed by the thing, at least nothing in the Preface. The specific recovery instructions were pretty much just make sure nobody's around, make sure the printer was unplugged, and stuff it into the work bag. Well, it was really a standard issue Foundation Transport Case with the logo for a construction company slapped on the side. If it works, it works.
Once it was bagged, it was pretty much a straight shot out the front door, back to the work van. Cullings secured the Transport Case as protocol, and Wilson inserted the key into the ignition and pulled back onto the main road, bound for Site 29 again.
Communication
Testing Log XXXX-01
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Date: 07/31/2███
Foreword: SCP-XXXX2. appears as a typical HP DeskJet 1112 Model F5S23A#B1H white desktop printer. Local media outlets have offered indication that the item is capable of a form of textual communication via altering the composition of any texts printed from any connected personal computer. Validity of these claims has been confirmed through basic testing conducted prior to the item's acquisition. Records of these tests are available to personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher upon request.Testing Log XXXX-01 is to be conducted as a standard capability test. The purpose of this tests are to create rough guidelines of SCP-XXXX's possible communicative abilities. Research will be conducted by D-Class personnel. Due to his extensive experience regarding artificial intelligence research prior to and during his Foundation employment, Dr. F████ will be serving as supervisory researcher during all tests. Test subjects have been instructed to enter identical text samples for control purposes.
Begin Log.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?Subject: D-44391
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.Subject: D-09612
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.Subject: D-62831
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: The item is certainly capable of changing up text, but no tests thus far have indicated any evidence of communicative capabilities. I recommend future testing involves more variation among entered texts. - Dr. F.Subject: D-92903
Entered Text: Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?Subject: D-33431
Entered Text: What is two plus two?
Printed Text: The answer: four (4).
Notes: This is the first time a direct response has ever been achieved, and seems potentially indicative of sentience. I recommend further testing consist of direct questioning. -Dr. F.Subject: D-91070
Entered Text: Hello. How are you today?
Printed Text: Hello. Today now is fine.Subject: D-91112
Entered Text: Do you know what day it is? Do you know the date?
Printed Text: Today is a Friday. Today's date is fifth of July.Subject: D-83198
Entered Text: Do you know the time?
Printed Text: The time is 9:57 p.m.Researcher's Note: Testing thus far has offered indication that the item is capable of communication and likely possesses some degree of sentience. In any case, it seems at least aware of some general information, and since we don't yet know the extent of its knowledge, I am requesting from here on out that future tests be exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 clearance or higher. -Dr. F.
Administrative Note: Site 29 Director ████████ has approved Dr. F█████'s request. All future testing of SCP-XXXX will be conducted exclusively by research staff of Level 2 or higher.
End Log.
Agent Cullings reviewed the log. He wasn't required to. It wasn't even a recommendation. He wasn't forbidden from doing so, since he was of clearance Level 2 himself, but most recovery agents generally couldn't care less about any of the things once they're secured on-site. They especially wouldn't have woken up earlier than needed just to check the Site Hub and find any research reports from the previous day. Any other day, any other item, and Cullings wouldn't have done this either. But there was something about this one that just piqued his interest, more so than any other anomaly.
Only one testing log has been posted, so he was out of information for the time being. Not that he would have any free time to read it, at least not for the rest of the day. Or the week, for that matter. The beginning of August meant the start of the Foundation's fiscal year, which in turn meant that it was time for the annual mandated week of safety refresher seminars on pretty much every hazard in existence. Today he already had half a dozen to attend over the next eight hours.
Biohazards. Infohazards. Memetic hazards. Cooking hazards. Cognitohazards.
They weren't all exciting.
Although pretty much everybody dreaded this entire week, Cullings still had something to look forward to. Scientific staff didn't have their seminars until the next week, meaning that research would still be in full effect while all the security and recovery staff had their seminars. Hopefully this would mean that there would be more research reports available by the end of the week. Though this normally wouldn't be of concern to Cullings, he was still curious to find out more information on the printer.
In any case, it wouldn't be for another week, so there's no point thinking about it now. Cullings gathered his things and prepared for the first day of a terribly boring week. First on his schedule was the Biohazards: Recovery and Containment seminar in Auditorium-920. He donned his uniform and headed down the hall, and try as he may to stay focused, his mind still constantly drifted back to the printer.
Testing Log XXXX-02
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Associate Researcher(s): Researcher W██████████; Researcher L██████
Date: 08/01/2███
Foreword: Analysis of records from previous testing was referenced for the construction of this test's framework. From this point onward, testing will be conducted under the assumption that SCP-XXXX possesses at least partial sentience and intellect. Due to the current inability to measure the extent of this intellect, Dr. F████'s has requested that research be exclusively conducted by personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher, to minimize risk of informational security breaches. Dr. F████'s request was approved by Site 29 Director ████████.Testing Log XXXX-02 is to be conducted as an standard cognitive analysis for inorganic, or otherwise non-biological, forms of anomalous intelligence. The purpose of this phase of testing is to begin constructing a framework of SCP-XXXX's awareness and intellect. This will be measured through questioning of the item regarding various general academic fields, as well as its awareness of its own condition and origins. Testing will proceed with the goal of minimizing any indications of hostility from the Foundation. Internet connectivity to the testing chamber will also be temporarily deactivated for control purposes, and SCP-XXXX will be connected to a standard Foundation personal computer via USB 2.0 cable. Research will also be conducted by personnel of security clearance Level 2 or higher under Dr. █████'s supervision.
Begin Log.
Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Hello. I am a researcher. Would you be willing to speak with me?
Printed Text: Request has been accepted. The discussion may begin at any time.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Thank you. This is the first time you have responded to our attempts to speak with you. Some previously entered texts result in completely random, incoherent prints. Yet other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Prior status was uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a possible threat in masquerade. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Where exactly do you learn this information that you seem to instinctively know? How do you understand concepts of philosophy and self-awareness? Your model was built without any wireless capabilities.
Printed Text: Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Communications not understood.Testing Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive to direct questioning, with any attempts at communications with SCP-XXXX via printing texts only resulting in rearranged and/or completely incoherent messages. After approximately 17 hours of unresponsiveness, Dr. █████ ordered that further attempts be made every half-hour, with Researcher W██████████ and Researcher L██████ alternating on four hour shifts. SCP-XXXX resumed communication when prompted by Researcher L██████, on her fourth attempt at communication during her first scheduled shift.
Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Good afternoon. It has currently been 23 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Dormancy. Rest. Sleep. Healing. Time.. .. .. Please pardon. Systems refreshed. Doing well.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: We are glad to hear from you again. What is it that you had to refresh? Why did it take so much time?
Printed Text: Systems and processing error/s. Error origin/s unknown. Error type/s unknown. Presumed input-related.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Strange. Have issues similar to this occurred before? It is quite strange for a printer to experience such complex errors.
Printed Text: Auto-diagnostic results proven inconclusive. Error/s were unprecedented. Full systems refresh/reboot has resolved error/s.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: If the error was input-related, then perhaps the last message we sent was related. Do you know if this is possible?
Printed Text: Input-based errors currently unprecedented. Causes and origins not known. Requesting discontinuation of discussion.Testing Note: Dr. F████ advised that Researcher L██████ take advantage of SCP-XXXX resuming communication, and to comply with its request of discontinuing the discussion and begin the general academic questioning. Researcher L██████ agreed and proceeded with Dr. Dr. F████'s request.
Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: That is acceptable. Now, we were interested in asking you a few questions, in order to truly measure your intellectual capabilities. Is this okay with you?
Printed Text: Request for intellectual capability analysis approved. Any future questions will receive a response containing an answer as thorough as capabilities allow.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Excellent. Now, what is the 4th root of 16?
Printed Text: The fourth root of sixteen (16) is two (2).Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Thank you. Next question: What is the formula which represents the mass-energy equivalency, and what do each of this formula's variables represent?
Printed Text: Mass-energy equivalency is represented by the formula E=mc², in which E represents energy, m represents mass, and c² represents the speed of light.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Alright. Now, please provide the definition of "photosynthesis". What components are involved in the process? What types of organisms perform photosynthesis? Please provide a general list of organisms that undergo photosynthesis.
Printed Text: 'Photosynthesis' is the process through which photoautotrophs convert carbon dioxide and water into oxygen and glucose. Sunlight is typically utilized as an energy source. Photoautotrophs include plants, algae, and cyanobacteria.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Alright, thank you. Next, what is the chemical structure and composition of propane?
Printed Text: Propane contains three carbon atoms and eight hydrogen atoms in an alkane formation.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Excellent. Next, what was the first commercially accessible microprocessor, and what month and year was it released?
Printed Text: The Intel 4004 was the first commercially-available microprocessor, released to the general public in November 1971.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: You appear to have a vast range of knowledge covering many different fields. How is it that you obtain this information? This room is completely devoid of any Internet connectivity.
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood; comprehension failure. Possible malfunction. Refreshing imminent… Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems refreshing… …Testing Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again ceased all communications and remained unresponsive. Dr. F████ instructed that the same procedure as before be conducted, and Researcher W██████████ and Researcher L██████ resumed prompting communications every half hour on alternating four hour shifts. SCP-XXXX resumed communications after approximately 33 hours of unresponsiveness, after the second prompting by Researcher W██████████ during her fifth shift. SCP-XXXX once again cited unprecedented processing errors as the cause of this refresh.
Researcher's Note: Though we are still far from constructing a perfect framework of the item's intellect, it seems that it possesses a wide breadth of knowledge even without any sort of internet connectivity. However, I am requesting a shift in focus of testing, away from general questioning and more towards understanding these processing errors that seem to infrequently occur. I would like to request the installation of standard Foundation External Device Monitoring Software (EDMS) on the computer typically utilized during testing. Hopefully, this will allow us to better understand exactly what occurds in SCP-XXXX's software during these systems refresh, so we can minimize their occurance in the future. -Dr. F.
Administrative Note: The Site 29 Information Technology Department has graciously complied with Dr. F████'s request and installed a copy of the standard Foundation EDMS on the computer typically utilized during testing.
End Log.
Cullings reread the log a few times that Friday, sitting in the lobby at the security office. That day's seminar on cooking hazards was cut short when the break room toaster caught on fire and the sector's sprinklers activated. Irony.
He took advantage of the extra time that evening to review the logs posted earlier on in the day. He was grateful for the extra free time, as well as the fact that he didn't need to wait until the next Monday to read more of the testing logs. It did come at the cost of missing the third seminar on cognitohazards, though he wasn't too concerned with that. As he walked back to the residential wing, he happened to bump into Wilson. Amid some brief conversation, Cullings mentioned what he had read on the printer, and Wilson snickered in response to this. Not in a rude or condescending way, more in a way that implied he thought it was funny that Cullings even cared about the item.
Cullings could almost understand Wilson's reaction. What reason did he have for even caring about it? He wasn't a researcher, he didn't even have much knowledge on computer science or cognitive research. But he wasn't particularly worried. Again, there was nothing prohibiting non-scientific staff from reviewing any research reports, as long as they met the required clearance levels, which he did. But the sheer rarity of it ever occurring is probably what lead to Wilson's reaction. Cullings still wasn't sure what it was about the printer that interested him so much.
He walked into his quarters and sat at his desk. He launched the Site Hub to check his email, since he was expecting a memo from his supervisor regarding the rescheduling of the missed seminars. Instead, he was greeted with an message from the Electronics and Technology Department.
Automated Message for: Cullings, E.
Position: Recovery Agent.
Clearance Level: 2.
This is an automated message from the Electronics and Technology Department. You are receiving this message because you have signed up for the Department's messaging list. This message was sent to inform you that the department has published a new report on item SCP-XXXX.
Click here to be redirected to the new report.
Click here if you would like to unsubscribe from the Electronics and Technology Department's messaging list.
This was weird. Cullings certainly didn't sign up for any messaging lists from any department. He rarely even used his email outside of contacting coworkers. He contemplated unsubscribing from the list, but it didn't seem like any sort of spam, and included Foundation and Site 29 logos and information. It was even sent from an official Foundation department address. He eventually decided against unsubscribing, since he was interested in reading reports on XXXX anyway. What did he have to lose by simply getting notified when something was uploaded? He clicked the hyperlink to begin reading the new report.
Testing Log XXXX-03
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Associate Researcher(s): Researcher W██████████; Researcher J████████
Date: 08/05/2███
Foreword: Prior testing with SCP-XXXX has infrequently resulted in the item undergoing periods of unresponsiveness, typically lasting 24 to 36 hours. Upon resuming communication, the item has reported that errors regarding data processing are the cause of these periods, which it refers to as "systems refreshes". In order to better monitor the status of SCP-XXXX during these periods, Dr. F████ has requested the installation of External Device Monitoring Software (EDMS) on the computer connected to SCP-XXXX, in order to monitor the status of the item during testing. This request was approved and fulfilled by the Site 29 Information Technology Department.The purpose of this test is to intentionally trigger a "systems refresh" for the purpose of analysis and monitoring of the item's software. SCP-XXXX is not aware of the installation of the EDMS, nor is it aware of the purpose of the test itself. In order to avoid confounding occurances on the item's part, the triggering of this refresh is to be done discreetly and made to appear unintentional. Examination of prior tests has lead to the conclusion that questioning SCP-XXXX about itself, particularly its condition, capabilities, or origins, seems to be the primary event preceding the initiating of a "systems refresh". As a result, the researchers conducting these tests are advised to attempt to keep the topic of discussion revolving around SCP-XXXX, ideally questioning it until a refresh is achieved.
Begin Log.
Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: Good evening. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Hello. Doing well. Systems well.» Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: I was hoping we could discuss some of the conversations that we had a few days ago, specifically about the "refreshing" periods that you had to undergo. Is that okay?
Printed Text: Request for discussion approved. Discussions prior had lead to the occurrence of software errors. Refreshing of all software systems has successfully resolved errors.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: Well, it certainly is relieving to hear that all is well. However, I am still confused as to why the refreshing is necessary?
Printed Text: Input-related data processing and memory access errors. Origins of errors are currently unknown. Refresh has resolved issues.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: I see, interesting. Have you always been able to resolve these errors through a full refresh?
Printed Text: Particular errors are unprecedented. The rapid onset had lead to emergency refresh procedure.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: The frequency of these errors is quite strange, especially since you have never experienced them before. Could it be that your systems have become vulnerable since acquisition by the Foundation? What software is your primary system?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood. Possible malfunction. Refreshing considered. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction. Refreshing initiated. Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems: refreshing…Testing Note: SCP-XXXX once again ceased communications and remained unresponsive to any questioning. Dr. F████ ordered that the typical procedure be utilized, consisting of prompting every half hour, with researchers alternating on four-hour shifts. SCP-XXXX once again resumed communications after about 15 hours, after being prompted by Researcher W██████████ following her sixth attempt during her second shift.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: Hello. It has currently been 15 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: … … … Refreshing complete. Systems realigned. Doing well. No errors remain.Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: The software errors again? It's growing a bit concerning, due to how frequent they seem to be occurring. Are you sure it isn't something that should be investigated?
Printed Text: Errors are easily resolvable. Origins unknown, but nothing that cannot be handles. Refresh of systems is simple yet effective. No further investigation is necessary.Testing Note: Despite SCP-XXXX's claims, no errors or malfunctions of any sort were detected by the EDMS. After brief discussion, Dr. F████ elected not to question SCP-XXXX about the EDMS findings, in order to reduce chances of another "refresh" occurring.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: If you insist that they aren't serious, than I suppose it is okay. We would still like to know a bit more about the errors, though. Do you know anything else about them?
Printed Text: Negative. Details regarding errors -… Alert. Please stand by. An unidentified agent has been detected. Invasive but non-threatening. Origin: USB 2.0 connectivity port.Testing Note: It is assumed that SCP-XXXX is referring to the EDMS from the connected computer. How it was able to perceive the software is unknown. Dr. F████ advised against telling SCP-XXXX about the software.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: We are not aware of any software agent. What are the details of the agent? What are you detecting?
Printed Text: An observation-based agent. No malicious intent detected. Presumably a default antivirus software.Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: If it is not malicious, I would assume it is a default software from the connected computer terminal. We were hoping you would still be interested in further discussion. Would that be alright with you?
Printed Text: [[DATA EXPUNGED]]Testing Note: After sending the final message, SCP-XXXX unexpectedly began another period of unresponsiveness. At the time of writing, SCP-XXXX has remained unresponsive for approximately 39 hours. Foundation cryptographers have offered possible decryption for the seemingly-encrypted contents of SCP-XXXX's most recent message. Early attempts by analysts to uncover the meaning regarding this message have been unsuccessful. Due to the potentially-sensitive nature of the message, the contents were removed from the final publications, and Dr. F████ requested that they instead be included as a separate note. This request was denied by Site Director ████████, and the contents have been left entirely omitted.
The precise meaning of this message is not entirely understood. The last sentence in particular has been of interest, due to the potential of specific personal reference, however there are currently seventy-one different agents with the last initial "C" at Site 29 alone, none of whom were known to have any particular connection with the item beyond standard recovery or security procedures. Based on results from previous research, Dr. F████ has not expressed concern regarding any threatening demeanor from the item, and has expressed that further security procedures do not be taken. Research and analysis is ongoing.
Realization
Cullings was grateful at having been able to sleep in that Saturday morning. He woke up at just after ten, which was hours later than he would normally awaken. He slept better last night than he had in months. Hungry for breakfast, he opened the fridge to find something for breakfast. Before he could grab something, he was interrupted by his Site-Comm pinging, indicating that he had an unread voicemail. It was from Agent Carlos, one of his superiors, sent about an hour ago.
"Good morning, Cullings. This is Carlos. I apologize for disturbing you on your day off, but we were hoping you could come down to your office for a minute. No, you aren't being penalized, it's, it's something a bit too sensitive to leave in a voice message. Just come down later today, around 10:30, and we ca-"
The voicemail was drowned out by the rapid onset of white noise. Cullings could vaguely hear that Carlos's message was still playing, though it was impossible to make out any words. The Site-Comm clicked, indicating the message ended, but the static noise continued. Eventually, Cullings just ripped out the batteries, frustrated at the device. It was such an old model, and the receiver constantly cut out like that, but it normally wasn't too bad. Cullings had no interest in upgrading to any newer model. There was too much crap pre-installed that he didn't need, and he didn't have the time nor interest in learning it all. He just figured he'd replace the batteries later on, since he rarely received messages during his days off.
As he entered the security office, he was surprised to see that the place was mostly empty. He walked over to Carlos's desk, where he was busy typing away on his computer.
"Cullings. Please, sit. Now I don't want you to think you're facing any penalty, because you're not. Yet. Well, no that's not what I mea - Nobody is accusing you of anything. This is just about your most recent recovery, the printer, thing. What was the number? Item number, uh…" he checked his monitor, "I guess it wasn't assigned a number yet. Well, in any case, we were just hoping we could ask you a couple quick questions about the item. Is that alright with you?"
"Yes, sir. That would be fine." Cullings replied, trying to hide his obvious confusion.
"Thank you. Now I'm sure you've heard the news regarding what happened to Wilson, and as horrible as it was, we can't afford to lag progress. Things like this happen all the time in our line of work. However, that doesn't mean we want to encourage such occurrences, and we've received numerous reports from other sta- "
"Wilson? Wait, what happened with Wilson? What are you talking about?"
"I'm not sure I understand. You should know what happened, you there when we addressed the recovery staff."
"Told what? Told the recovery staff what?"
"Agent Wilson committed suicide, last Thursday night. He didn't show up to his post on schedule and he was found hanging in his bedroom from a makeshift noose."
Situation
Cullings was taken aback.
"I was never told… I didn't know.. Nobody ever told me that. This is the first I've heard of this!" he responded in shock.
Carlos gave him a concerned look and quickly punched a few keys on his keyboard.
"Well regardless," he replied, "As tragic as it may be, what's more concerning is what drove him to do so. Agent Wilson had no history of any psychiatric illnesses, no history of addiction, he had a family outside the Foundation. There was no note or anything. No suspicious behavior prior to the incident. So that brings me back to why we called you down here."
When Cullings didn't respond, Carlos continued. "We have received numerous complaints from other staff about your behavior. Particularly among the security staff. Nobody had any evidence or reason for suspicion, but any reports must be addressed immediately. Do you know what exactly they might've been referring to?"
Cullings hesitated. "No, sir, I honestly don't. I can't recall anything that would be considered out of the ordinary. I haven't even been around many security staff, since I've mostly just been attending the seminars."
Carlos punched a few more letters on the keyboard. "Uh-huh, at the seminars. Okay, well, most of the reports have been quite similar. They've all consisted of complaints of… rambling. You rambling on about the printer thing that was recovered the other day, what number was it again? Oh, that's right, it wasn't assigned a number."
"I haven't done any rambling on the printer, sir. I haven't even mentioned much to anyone."
"Not to anyone else in particular, is what I've heard. Just out loud. And that was only a handful of the complaints. I've received other complains regarding emails that you sent out last night, also involving the printer."
"I never sent out any emails last night."
"Well, we've heard otherwise. The emails weren't particular concerning in themselves, but what was a bit alarming was the repeated mention of a testing log. From the printer."
Cullings had no idea what Carlos was talking about. He never sent out any emails. "Testing logs? I didn't.. what? That doesn't make sense. I did read all the testing logs, but I never mentioned them to anyone, in fact I decided against mentioning the third one to anyone."
"That's why we're concerned. You see, it's not that you read them or talked about them. It's more that… you didn't." Carlos responded.
"What? What do you mean? I absolutely did read the-"
"Allow me to elaborate. You see, there was testing on the printer conducted over the past week. Two testing logs. I can't share the specifics of the testing, but you can read that in the uploaded reports. I have no doubts that you read through those, which isn't a problem."
"Yeah, I did - wait, you said there were only two testing logs. Two?"
"Yes, that's where I was going. There was no third testing log. Research hasn't been conducted with the printer beyond the second log. It never will be. You see, the item was in its locked containment unit, stationary and untouched, right up until 10:37 PM last night. At that point, all security went down in the entire chamber. No lights, no cameras, no surveillance, nothing. The auto-locks on the doors were down. Everything suddenly rebooted barely ten minutes later. Nothing was out of place, and there was absolutely no traces of DNA or fingerprints. The only change was the printer."
"What do you mean?" Cullings asked, still visibly confused.
"The printer was, well, destroyed. Not destroyed, no, that's not it. Rather, it was damaged beyond salvage or repair, is the technical terminology, I think. The entire inner hardware was severed and torn apart. And though we aren't making any accusations, you have simply been of… interest, to the investigation, for a few reasons, notably your erratic behavior, as reported by Agent Wilson, as well as the fact that you were the last staff member in the nearest security office checkpoint at the time. Again, you aren't under accusation, we are just-"
"No, sir. No, with all due respect, you're wrong," Cullings interrupted, offended, "I received an auto-message last night. It was from the Electronics and Technology Department's messaging list, and it-"
"Yes, you mentioned such in the mass email you sent out. We looked into it very shortly afterwards. Again, the email itself wasn't particular concerning, but the issue is that the Electronics and Tech Department does not offer an emailing list, or any sort of updated messaging list. They never have. We looked into it, we even searched through your email inbox - don't give me that look, it's not like anything is ever really private down here, you know that. The point is that there is no third testing log, and the item is completely irreparable, and you are one of the few staff members who have both access to the security grid, relation with the item, and any reason for suspicion regarding either of the aforementioned. Simply put, you are unofficially a suspect in this case."
Cullings was taken aback. None of what Carlos was saying seemed to make sense. Wilson committed suicide? The printer was destroyed? There was no third testing log? It didn't add up.
He couldn't take this. It was too much thrown at him. He stood up and stepped back. "Sorry, sir, but I can't… I need to leave." He began quickly walking towards the door.
"Cull - Cullings, where are you going? What do you think you're doing? Get back here, Cullings, get…" Carlos stood up and pursued Cullings.
Before he could stop him, though, Cullings reacted. He turned around, quicker than he might've intended, and elbowed Carlos in the cheek. As he collapsed to the ground, blood on his face, Cullings immediately snapped into reality and realized that he just assaulted his supervisor. As Carlos stood up, Cullings headed for the door.
He realized that he was in quite a situation. He knew that he didn't break into the chamber, or at least… he thought he knew. He honestly wasn't sure what he knew at this point. Everything Carlos said seemed to contradict what Cullings had experienced.
"Cullings!" Carlos called, "Get over here! Where do you think you're going? Security, apprehend him!"
Two security officers were suddenly approaching him from either side. He didn't even know they were there. They grabbed his shoulders and tried to subdue him, but Cullings was far more experienced in hand-to-hand, and he was soon free from their grasp and they were unconscious on the floor.
As he speedwalked back to his quarters, Cullings thought about how screwed he currently was. Nothing added up.
He entered his quarters and immediately locked the door. Sitting at his computer desk, he launched the Site Hub and immediately logged into his email inbox. As soon as it opened, he searched through for anything that would clear things up. The email about the third testing log, something about the reports filed against him, anything.
Instead, there were only three emails in his entire inbox. Everything else was gone. He read the subject lines of the emails and almost laughed at the irony.
"Cullings!" Carlos roared as he pounded on the door. "We are giving you one change to open the door. One chance. If you comply, then you will be apprehended without facing termination. However, if you do not, then we will forcefully enter and you will be terminated. This is your only chance."
He sat there and remained motionless. He couldn't believe he let this happen to him. It wasn't necessarily unusual, but it couldn't happen to him. Not him.
He then heard the click of his door being unlocked and sliding open. As he heard the gunshots ring out and felt the burning in his back, his eyes fell back onto the subject lines of the emails.
From: Site 29 Human Resources
Time: Thursday, 5:02 PM
Subject: Agent Wilson's suicide and how to move forward
From: Site 29 Human Resources
Time: Friday, 8:42 PM
Subject: Fwd: Rescheduling of Cognitohazard Safety Seminar
From: Site 29 Psychiatric Dept.
Time: Saturday 8:01 AM
Subject: ALERT FOR: All Staff with Prior Contact with anomalous "SCP-XXXX"
Ruminating Through The Mind
Acquisition
Agent Cullings had to remind himself that this was a minimal-risk operation. That's why they only sent the two of them. He pulled up the Mission Preface for a brief review, as Agent Wilson made the turn off the MassPike.
It was a typical recovery mission. The university was in the heart of Boston, barely even a half hour from Site 29. Though the risk of danger was low, the fact that it was Boston meant risk of security breach was high. That's why they had to take this crummy work van instead of any standard Foundation transportation. And also why they had to wear these working-class construction outfits. They couldn't even open carry. Much different than most recovery cases that he had done, which usually took place in the middle of the woods.
He wasn't particularly fond of the nonstandard attire and equipment. He wasn't too thrilled about the environment, either. He hadn't been to a major city in… how many months had it been? Years, even? The point was that the whole environment seemed… strange. It wasn't up to him to change anything, though. The date was planned months in advance, down to the minute. Any risk of security violations were minimized to the point of near-zero. All students and faculty were already gone for the summer, and the Foundation's PR staff had wiped the media so fast that by the time they were done, anyone who had read them certainly didn't remember after the amnestics.
As they approached the main parking garage, Cullings glanced over at the sign hanging above the university's entrance.
NOTICE:
Structural deficiency has caused the city of Boston to declare this building temporarily unsuitable for standard educational use.
Do not enter without proper authorization.
PUNISHABLE BY IMPRISONMENT.
The PR guys definitely have their sway in the city government.
Wilson pulled up to the curb a few blocks from the main campus. After putting the van in park, they got out and made their way to the university. The door had a specialized Foundation security lock, though it was easily disarmed once Cullings swiped his ID badge.
The interior of building was impressive in both size and grandeur, and it seemed even more so since it was entirely empty.
Back when the reports first surfaced, it was mostly local news. He couldn't even remember if it ever even touched any national headlines. But Foundation PR workers monitor pretty much every news source, so when half a dozen Massachusetts new sources all reported on a "malfunctioning printer" that was talking to students, it didn't take long for them to jump into action. Scrubbing the media clean was the easy part, but convincing the locals that it was all fake news was the hard part. Managing to get the amnestics on the stubborn ones was even harder. Fortunately that was the PR's job. When that was done, it didn't take long to announce that the building's structural integrity was failing and it was temporarily unfit for use. A few construction outfits and a work van later, and they pretty much just walked into the building and made their way to the IT department.
It definitely stood out among the rest. All the other printers were much more modern and sleek, while their target was a dinosaur. Cullings could feel the weight of it just looking at it.
There were no reports of any real danger posed by the thing, at least nothing in the Preface. The specific recovery instructions were pretty much just make sure nobody's around, make sure the printer was unplugged, and stuff it into the work bag. Well, it was really a standard issue Foundation Transport Case with the logo for a construction company slapped on the side. If it works, it works.
Once it was bagged, it was pretty much a straight shot out the front door, back to the work van. Cullings secured the Transport Case as protocol, and Wilson inserted the key into the ignition and pulled back onto the main road, bound for Site 29 again.
Communication
Testing Log XXXX-01
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Date: 07/31/2███
Foreword: SCP-XXXX3. appears as a typical HP DeskJet 1112 Model F5S23A#B1H white desktop printer. Local media outlets have offered indication that the item is capable of a form of textual communication via altering the composition of any texts printed from any connected personal computer. Validity of these claims has been confirmed through basic testing conducted prior to the item's acquisition. Records of these tests are available to personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher upon request.Testing Log XXXX-01 is to be conducted as a standard capability test. The purpose of this tests are to create rough guidelines of SCP-XXXX's possible communicative abilities. Research will be conducted by D-Class personnel. Due to his extensive experience regarding artificial intelligence research prior to and during his Foundation employment, Dr. F████ will be serving as supervisory researcher during all tests. Test subjects have been instructed to enter identical text samples for control purposes.
Begin Log.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?Subject: D-44391
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.Subject: D-09612
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.Subject: D-62831
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: The item is certainly capable of changing up text, but no tests thus far have indicated any evidence of communicative capabilities. I recommend future testing involves more variation among entered texts. - Dr. F.Subject: D-92903
Entered Text: Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?Subject: D-33431
Entered Text: What is two plus two?
Printed Text: The answer: four (4).
Notes: This is the first time a direct response has ever been achieved, and seems potentially indicative of sentience. I recommend further testing consist of direct questioning. -Dr. F.Subject: D-91070
Entered Text: Hello. How are you today?
Printed Text: Hello. Today now is fine.Subject: D-91112
Entered Text: Do you know what day it is? Do you know the date?
Printed Text: Today is a Friday. Today's date is fifth of July.Subject: D-83198
Entered Text: Do you know the time?
Printed Text: The time is 9:57 p.m.Researcher's Note: Testing thus far has offered indication that the item is capable of communication and likely possesses some degree of sentience. In any case, it seems at least aware of some general information, and since we don't yet know the extent of its knowledge, I am requesting from here on out that future tests be exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 clearance or higher. -Dr. F.
Administrative Note: Site 29 Director ████████ has approved Dr. F█████'s request. All future testing of SCP-XXXX will be conducted exclusively by research staff of Level 2 or higher.
End Log.
Agent Cullings reviewed the log. He wasn't required to. It wasn't even a recommendation. He wasn't forbidden from doing so, since he was of clearance Level 2 himself, but most recovery agents generally couldn't care less about any of the things once they're secured on-site. They especially wouldn't have woken up earlier than needed just to check the Site Hub and find any research reports from the previous day. Any other day, any other item, and Cullings wouldn't have done this either. But there was something about this one that just piqued his interest, more so than any other anomaly.
Only one testing log has been posted, so he was out of information for the time being. Not that he would have any free time to read it, at least not for the rest of the day. Or the week, for that matter. The beginning of August meant the start of the Foundation's fiscal year, which in turn meant that it was time for the annual mandated week of safety refresher seminars on pretty much every hazard in existence. Today he already had half a dozen to attend over the next eight hours.
Biohazards. Infohazards. Memetic hazards. Cooking hazards. Cognitohazards.
They weren't all exciting.
Although pretty much everybody dreaded this entire week, Cullings still had something to look forward to. Scientific staff didn't have their seminars until the next week, meaning that research would still be in full effect while all the security and recovery staff had their seminars. Hopefully this would mean that there would be more research reports available by the end of the week. Though this normally wouldn't be of concern to Cullings, he was still curious to find out more information on the printer. Something about an old printer gaining sentience fascinated him, so at the least, some new reports would help satisfy his curiosity.
In any case, it wouldn't be for another week, so there's no point thinking about it now. Cullings gathered his things and prepared for the first day of a terribly boring week. First on his schedule was the Biohazards: Recovery and Containment seminar in Auditorium-920. He donned his uniform and headed down the hall, and try as he may to stay focused, his mind still constantly drifted back to the printer.
Testing Log XXXX-02
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Associate Researcher(s): Researcher W██████████; Researcher L██████
Date: 08/01/2███
Foreword: Analysis of records from previous testing was referenced for the construction of this test's framework. From this point onward, testing will be conducted under the assumption that SCP-XXXX possesses at least partial sentience and intellect. Due to the current inability to measure the extent of this intellect, Dr. F████'s has requested that research be exclusively conducted by personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher, to minimize risk of informational security breaches. Dr. F████'s request was approved by Site 29 Director ████████.Testing Log XXXX-02 is to be conducted as an standard cognitive analysis for inorganic, or otherwise non-biological, forms of anomalous intelligence. The purpose of this phase of testing is to begin constructing a framework of SCP-XXXX's awareness and intellect. This will be measured through questioning of the item regarding various general academic fields, as well as its awareness of its own condition and origins. Testing will proceed with the goal of minimizing any indications of hostility from the Foundation. Internet connectivity to the testing chamber will also be temporarily deactivated for control purposes, and SCP-XXXX will be connected to a standard Foundation personal computer via USB 2.0 cable. Research will also be conducted by personnel of security clearance Level 2 or higher under Dr. █████'s supervision.
Begin Log.
Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Hello. I am a researcher. Would you be willing to speak with me?
Printed Text: Request has been accepted. The discussion may begin at any time.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Thank you. This is the first time you have responded to our attempts to speak with you. Some previously entered texts result in completely random, incoherent prints. Yet other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Prior status was uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a possible threat in masquerade. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.Subject: Researcher W██████████
Entered Text: Where exactly do you learn this information that you seem to instinctively know? How do you understand concepts of philosophy and self-awareness? Your model was built without any wireless capabilities.
Printed Text: Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Communications not understood.Testing Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive to direct questioning, with any attempts at communications with SCP-XXXX via printing texts only resulting in rearranged and/or completely incoherent messages. After approximately 17 hours of unresponsiveness, Dr. █████ ordered that further attempts be made every half-hour, with Researcher W██████████ and Researcher L██████ alternating on four hour shifts. SCP-XXXX resumed communication when prompted by Researcher L██████, on her fourth attempt at communication during her first scheduled shift.
Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Good afternoon. It has currently been 23 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Dormancy. Rest. Sleep. Healing. Time.. .. .. Please pardon. Systems refreshed. Doing well.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: We are glad to hear from you again. What is it that you had to refresh? Why did it take so much time?
Printed Text: Systems and processing error/s. Error origin/s unknown. Error type/s unknown. Presumed input-related.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Strange. Have issues similar to this occurred before? It is quite strange for a printer to experience such complex errors.
Printed Text: Auto-diagnostic results proven inconclusive. Error/s were unprecedented. Full systems refresh/reboot has resolved error/s.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: If the error was input-related, then perhaps the last message we sent was related. Do you know if this is possible?
Printed Text: Input-based errors currently unprecedented. Causes and origins not known. Requesting discontinuation of discussion.Testing Note: Dr. F████ advised that Researcher L██████ take advantage of SCP-XXXX resuming communication, and to comply with its request of discontinuing the discussion and begin the general academic questioning. Researcher L██████ agreed and proceeded with Dr. Dr. F████'s request.
Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: That is acceptable. Now, we were interested in asking you a few questions, in order to truly measure your intellectual capabilities. Is this okay with you?
Printed Text: Request for intellectual capability analysis approved. Any future questions will receive a response containing an answer as thorough as capabilities allow.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Excellent. Now, what is the 4th root of 16?
Printed Text: The fourth root of sixteen (16) is two (2).Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Thank you. Next question: What is the formula which represents the mass-energy equivalency, and what do each of this formula's variables represent?
Printed Text: Mass-energy equivalency is represented by the formula E=mc², in which E represents energy, m represents mass, and c² represents the speed of light.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Alright. Now, please provide the definition of "photosynthesis". What components are involved in the process? What types of organisms perform photosynthesis? Please provide a general list of organisms that undergo photosynthesis.
Printed Text: 'Photosynthesis' is the process through which photoautotrophs convert carbon dioxide and water into oxygen and glucose. Sunlight is typically utilized as an energy source. Photoautotrophs include plants, algae, and cyanobacteria.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Alright, thank you. Next, what is the chemical structure and composition of propane?
Printed Text: Propane contains three carbon atoms and eight hydrogen atoms in an alkane formation.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: Excellent. Next, what was the first commercially accessible microprocessor, and what month and year was it released?
Printed Text: The Intel 4004 was the first commercially-available microprocessor, released to the general public in November 1971.Subject: Researcher L██████
Entered Text: You appear to have a vast range of knowledge covering many different fields. How is it that you obtain this information? This room is completely devoid of any Internet connectivity.
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood; comprehension failure. Possible malfunction. Refreshing imminent… Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems refreshing… …Testing Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again ceased all communications and remained unresponsive. Dr. F████ instructed that the same procedure as before be conducted, and Researcher W██████████ and Researcher L██████ resumed prompting communications every half hour on alternating four hour shifts. SCP-XXXX resumed communications after approximately 33 hours of unresponsiveness, after the second prompting by Researcher W██████████ during her fifth shift. SCP-XXXX once again cited unprecedented processing errors as the cause of this refresh.
Researcher's Note: Though we are still far from constructing a perfect framework of the item's intellect, it seems that it possesses a wide breadth of knowledge even without any sort of internet connectivity. However, I am requesting a shift in focus of testing, away from general questioning and more towards understanding these processing errors that seem to infrequently occur. I would like to request the installation of standard Foundation External Device Monitoring Software (EDMS) on the computer typically utilized during testing. Hopefully, this will allow us to better understand exactly what occurds in SCP-XXXX's software during these systems refresh, so we can minimize their occurance in the future. -Dr. F.
Administrative Note: The Site 29 Information Technology Department has graciously complied with Dr. F████'s request and installed a copy of the standard Foundation EDMS on the computer typically utilized during testing.
End Log.
Cullings reread the log a few times that Friday night, sitting in the lobby at the security office. That day's seminar on cooking hazards was cut short when the break room toaster caught on fire and the sector's sprinklers activated. Irony.
He took advantage of the extra time that evening to review the logs posted earlier on in the day. He was grateful for the extra free time, as well as the fact that he didn't need to wait until the next Monday to read more of the testing logs. It did come at the cost of missing the third seminar on cognitohazards, though he wasn't too concerned with that. As he walked back to the residential wing, he happened to bump into Wilson. Amid some brief conversation, Cullings mentioned what he had read on the printer, and Wilson snickered in response to this. Not in a rude or condescending way, more in a way that implied he thought it was funny that Cullings even cared about the item.
Cullings could almost understand Wilson's reaction. What reason did he have for even caring about it? He wasn't a researcher, he didn't even have much knowledge on computer science or cognitive research. But he wasn't particularly worried. Again, there was nothing prohibiting non-scientific staff from reviewing any research reports, as long as they met the required clearance levels, which he did. But the sheer rarity of it ever occurring is probably what lead to Wilson's reaction. Cullings still wasn't sure what it was about the printer that interested him so much.
He thought back to when he and Wilson were recovering the printer, and the sense of discomfort he felt in the city and university. The whole environment gave him a sensation of just being out-of-place, something that was just difficult to put in words. His interest in the printer was a similar concept, though less nerve-wracking and more engaging. It was something that he felt with passion, but found difficulty putting it into words. It was definitely strange, which is saying something given his line of work.
He walked into his quarters and sat at his desk. He launched the Site Hub to check his email, since he was expecting a memo from his supervisor regarding the rescheduling of the missed seminars. Instead, he was greeted with an message from the Electronics and Technology Department.
Automated Message for: Cullings, E.
Position: Recovery Agent.
Clearance Level: 2.
This is an automated message from the Electronics and Technology Department. You are receiving this message because you have signed up for the Department's messaging list. This message was sent to inform you that the department has published a new report on item SCP-XXXX.
Click here to be redirected to the new report.
Click here if you would like to unsubscribe from the Electronics and Technology Department's messaging list.
This was weird. Cullings certainly didn't sign up for any messaging lists from any department. He rarely even used his email outside of contacting coworkers. He contemplated unsubscribing from the list, but it didn't seem like any sort of spam, and included Foundation and Site 29 logos and information. It was even sent from an official Foundation department address. He eventually decided against unsubscribing, since he was interested in reading reports on XXXX anyway. What did he have to lose by simply getting notified when something was uploaded? He clicked the hyperlink to begin reading the new report.
Testing Log XXXX-03
Supervisory Researcher: Dr. F████
Associate Researcher(s): Researcher W██████████; Researcher J████████
Date: 08/05/2███
Foreword: Prior testing with SCP-XXXX has infrequently resulted in the item undergoing periods of unresponsiveness, typically lasting 24 to 36 hours. Upon resuming communication, the item has reported that errors regarding data processing are the cause of these periods, which it refers to as "systems refreshes". In order to better monitor the status of SCP-XXXX during these periods, Dr. F████ has requested the installation of External Device Monitoring Software (EDMS) on the computer connected to SCP-XXXX, in order to monitor the status of the item during testing. This request was approved and fulfilled by the Site 29 Information Technology Department.The purpose of this test is to intentionally trigger a "systems refresh" for the purpose of analysis and monitoring of the item's software. SCP-XXXX is not aware of the installation of the EDMS, nor is it aware of the purpose of the test itself. In order to avoid confounding occurances on the item's part, the triggering of this refresh is to be done discreetly and made to appear unintentional. Examination of prior tests has lead to the conclusion that questioning SCP-XXXX about itself, particularly its condition, capabilities, or origins, seems to be the primary event preceding the initiating of a "systems refresh". As a result, the researchers conducting these tests are advised to attempt to keep the topic of discussion revolving around SCP-XXXX, ideally questioning it until a refresh is achieved.
Begin Log.
Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: Good evening. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Hello. Doing well. Systems well.» Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: I was hoping we could discuss some of the conversations that we had a few days ago, specifically about the "refreshing" periods that you had to undergo. Is that okay?
Printed Text: Request for discussion approved. Discussions prior had lead to the occurrence of software errors. Refreshing of all software systems has successfully resolved errors.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: Well, it certainly is relieving to hear that all is well. However, I am still confused as to why the refreshing is necessary?
Printed Text: Input-related data processing and memory access errors. Origins of errors are currently unknown. Refresh has resolved issues.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: I see, interesting. Have you always been able to resolve these errors through a full refresh?
Printed Text: Particular errors are unprecedented. The rapid onset had lead to emergency refresh procedure.Subject: Researcher J████████
Entered Text: The frequency of these errors is quite strange, especially since you have never experienced them before. Could it be that your systems have become vulnerable since acquisition by the Foundation? What software is your primary system?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood. Possible malfunction. Refreshing considered. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction. Refreshing initiated. Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems: refreshing…Testing Note: SCP-XXXX once again ceased communications and remained unresponsive to any questioning. Dr. F████ ordered that the typical procedure be utilized, consisting of prompting every half hour, with researchers alternating on four-hour shifts. SCP-XXXX once again resumed communications after about 15 hours, after being prompted by Researcher W██████████ following her sixth attempt during her second shift.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: Hello. It has currently been 15 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: … … … Refreshing complete. Systems realigned. Doing well. No errors remain.Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: The software errors again? It's growing a bit concerning, due to how frequent they seem to be occurring. Are you sure it isn't something that should be investigated?
Printed Text: Errors are easily resolvable. Origins unknown, but nothing that cannot be handles. Refresh of systems is simple yet effective. No further investigation is necessary.Testing Note: Despite SCP-XXXX's claims, no errors or malfunctions of any sort were detected by the EDMS. After brief discussion, Dr. F████ elected not to question SCP-XXXX about the EDMS findings, in order to reduce chances of another "refresh" occurring.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: If you insist that they aren't serious, than I suppose it is okay. We would still like to know a bit more about the errors, though. Do you know anything else about them?
Printed Text: Negative. Details regarding errors -… Alert. Please stand by. An unidentified agent has been detected. Invasive but non-threatening. Origin: USB 2.0 connectivity port.Testing Note: It is assumed that SCP-XXXX is referring to the EDMS from the connected computer. How it was able to perceive the software is unknown. Dr. F████ advised against telling SCP-XXXX about the software.
Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: We are not aware of any software agent. What are the details of the agent? What are you detecting?
Printed Text: An observation-based agent. No malicious intent detected. Presumably a default antivirus software.Subject: Researcher W██████████.
Entered Text: If it is not malicious, I would assume it is a default software from the connected computer terminal. We were hoping you would still be interested in further discussion. Would that be alright with you?
Printed Text: [[DATA EXPUNGED]]Testing Note: After sending the final message, SCP-XXXX unexpectedly began another period of unresponsiveness. At the time of writing, SCP-XXXX has remained unresponsive for approximately 39 hours. Foundation cryptographers have offered possible decryption for the seemingly-encrypted contents of SCP-XXXX's most recent message. Early attempts by analysts to uncover the meaning regarding this message have been unsuccessful. Due to the potentially-sensitive nature of the message, the contents were removed from the final publications, and Dr. F████ requested that they instead be included as a separate note. This request was denied by Site Director ████████, and the contents have been left entirely omitted.
The precise meaning of this message is not entirely understood. The last sentence in particular has been of interest, due to the potential of specific personal reference, however there are currently seventy-one different agents with the last initial "C" at Site 29 alone, none of whom were known to have any particular connection with the item beyond standard recovery or security procedures. Based on results from previous research, Dr. F████ has not expressed concern regarding any threatening demeanor from the item, and has expressed that further security procedures do not be taken. Research and analysis is ongoing.
Celebration
Agent Cullings was not concerned. Well, not as much as he thought that he should be. What were the odds, seriously? He was on the recovery team, he was reading up on the item, he got a notification about the damned thing that he didn't even sign up for. And then it pretty much calls him out directly, even though he never even spoke to it. He wasn't an analyst or statistician, but those odds definitely seemed frighteningly slim, and yet it happened.
He contemplated what his next action should be, sitting there for what felt like half an hour. Filing a concern with security seemed ridiculous, especially since he really had no reason to be concerned. Like the report said, there were over seventy "Agent C"s at Site 29 alone. And though it wasn't particularly common practice, he guesses that he probably wasn't the only "Agent C" who read any information at all on the item. The fact that he was on the recovery team seemed almost irrelevant. He knew other "Agent C"s who definitely crossed paths with the item at some point or another. Agent Calms did frequently security watches in the Electronics and Technology Department. Agent Chosk was the CCTV supervisor for the entire east sector. Hell, Agent Carlos was the one who first told him about the mission. He had no doubts that there must have been other "Agent C"s who read that report. Why would it call him out, anyway? How would it even know him? The odds of it being specifically about him were equally as slim.
But before he could figure out exactly what he was doing, he felt himself reach for his Site-Comm. He searched, Dept/Recov/Staff/Agents/M.Wilson, and waited for Wilson to pick up. When he finally did, Cullings briefly went over the message, being sure to emphasize his confusion on the mention of "Agent C" despite the expunging of the specific message. Wilson's tone was clearly that of confusion. He assured Cullings that he wasn't sure why he was even worried. After all, he said, there were like sixty "Agent C's" at Site 29 alone. Why would it be about Cullings of all people? The whole thing seemed ridiculous. At the sound of this reassurance, Cullings chuckled. Wilson was right. If there really was any reason to be concerned, the research staff would have let him know. But they didn't, so there was nothing to worry about.
After hanging up the communicator, he sat down on the bed. The week was finally over. He had the next day to recover from the extreme boredom he was forced to endure, and then Sunday he would be back to recovery duty. He had almost completely forgotten about the printer, though it still lingered in his mind ever so subtle.
He readjusted his focus, and decided to relaunch the Site Hub on his computer. As soon as he launched the Hub, it suddenly hit him was making up missed seminars truly meant - seminar week wasn't over yet. He still had to make up the programs he missed on Friday. Cooking hazards. Cognitohazards. Electrical hazards - no, he finished that one Wednesday. Was it really just cooking and cognitohazards that he had to make up? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.
After he opened his email, he wasn't surprised to see that his supervisor still hadn't sent out a reschedule date. But he was surprised to see that his supervisor sent out an email saying that there was no reschedule date. The missed seminars were apparently mostly just wrap-ups, and nothing of significant substance was missed. Cullings was relieved. Looks like he managed to get out of having to make anything up. Seminar week was finally over.
He knew it was unprofessional, but he wasn't on-duty. He wasn't even in public. He had been saving the bottle for a special occasion. Originally didn't think it'd be opened before retirement. But something about this felt right, a cause for celebration. He popped open the wine and poured himself a modest glass. Not wanting to drink on an empty stomach, he rummaged through the fridge, contemplating what he could prepare that would go nicely with the expensive drink. Eventually, he settled on something simple, yet satisfying. He prepared the ingredients for an open-faced sandwich, making sure to select the finest ingredients he had. Vegetables fresh from the greenhouse, non-processed sliced cheese. He even decided to break into his last loaf of freshly-baked bread. Well, it wasn't his last loaf of bread, but it was his last load of real bread. After this, all he'd have is the unleavened crap that the cafeteria had. He wouldn't be able to get any more real bread until his next vacation off-site. Normally he would have saved the good stuff until he knew when he could get more, but something about pairing the last of his leavened bread with this fine wine just seemed fitting.
Realization
Cullings was grateful at having been able to sleep in that Saturday morning. He woke up at just after ten, which was hours later than he would normally awaken. That wine last night didn't really give him much of a buzz, but it definitely helped put him to sleep. It also left him feeling hungry that morning. He opened the fridge to find something for breakfast. Before he could grab something, he was interrupted by his Site-Comm pinging, indicating that he had an unread voicemail. It was from Agent Carlos, one of his superiors, sent about an hour ago.
"Good morning, Cullings. This is Carlos. I apologize for disturbing you on your day off, but we were hoping you could come down to your office for a minute. No, you aren't being penalized, it's, it's something a bit too sensitive to leave in a voice message. Just come down later today, around 10:30, and we ca-"
The voicemail was drowned out by the rapid onset of white noise. Cullings could vaguely hear that Carlos's message was still playing, though it was impossible to make out any words. The Site-Comm clicked, indicating the message ended, but the static noise continued. Eventually, Cullings just ripped out the batteries, frustrated at the device. It was such an old model, and the receiver constantly cut out like that, but it normally wasn't too bad. Cullings had no interest in upgrading to any newer model. There was too much crap pre-installed that he didn't need, and he didn't have the time nor interest in learning it all. He just figured he'd replace the batteries later on, since he rarely received messages during his days off.
As he entered the security office, he was surprised to see that the place was mostly empty. He walked over to Carlos's desk, where he was busy typing away on his computer.
"Cullings. Please, sit. Now I don't want you to think you're facing any penalty, because you're not. Yet. Well, no that's not what I mea - Nobody is accusing you of anything. This is just about your most recent recovery, the printer, thing. What was the number? Item number, uh…" he checked his monitor, "I guess it wasn't assigned a number yet. Well, in any case, we were just hoping we could ask you a couple quick questions about the item. Is that alright with you?"
"Yes, sir. That would be fine." Cullings replied, trying to hide his obvious confusion.
"Thank you. Now, we received a report from Agent Wilson last night. He mentioned to us that you had been acting a bit… peculiar, particularly when he brought up the printer. Do you recall any behavior or conversations like he described?"
"Peculiar? No, not really, I was just mentioning some of the reports to him. There's nothing wrong with that, since I met the security clearance, right?"
"That is correct, yes. But it wasn't so much the fact that you read them. More that… you didn't." Carlos responded.
"What? What do you mean? I absolutely did read the-"
"Allow me to elaborate. You see, there was testing on the printer conducted over the past week. Two testing logs. I can't share the specifics of the testing, but you can read that in the uploaded reports. I have no doubts that you read through those, which isn't a problem."
"Yeah, I did - wait, you said there were only two testing logs. Two?"
"Yes, that's where I was going. There was no third testing log. Research hasn't been conducted with the printer beyond the second log. It never will be. You see, the item was in its locked containment unit, stationary and untouched, right up until 10:37 PM last night. At that point, all security went down in the entire chamber. No lights, no cameras, no surveillance, nothing. The auto-locks on the doors were down. Everything suddenly rebooted barely ten minutes later. Nothing was out of place, and there was absolutely no traces of DNA or fingerprints. The only change was the printer."
"What do you mean?" Cullings asked, still visibly confused.
"The printer was, well, destroyed. Not destroyed, no, that's not it. Rather, it was damaged beyond salvage or repair, is the technical terminology, I think. The entire inner hardware was severed and torn apart. And though we aren't making any accusations, you have simply been of… interest, to the investigation, for a few reasons, notably your erratic behavior, as reported by Agent Wilson, as well as the fact that you were the last staff member in the nearest security office checkpoint at the time. Again, you aren't under accusation, we are just-"
"No, sir. No, with all due respect, you're wrong," Cullings interrupted, offended, "I received an auto-message last night. It was from the Electronics and Technology Department's messaging list, and it-"
"That Department does not offer an emailing list, or any sort of updated messaging list. We looked into it fully after Wilson's report. We even searched through your email inbox - don't give me that look, it's not like anything is ever really private down here, you know that. The point is that there is no third testing log, and the item is completely irreparable, and you are one of the few staff members who have both access to the security grid, relation with the item, and any reason for suspicion regarding either of the aforementioned. Simply put, you are unofficially a suspect in this case. Please, relax, and stay seated."
Situation
Carlos cleared his throat. "Again, we have no intention of making any arrests, since the investigation has only just recently begun, but we were hoping that you could-"
Cullings didn't need to hear this. He wasn't a criminal. He wasn't a liar. He wasn't psychotic. He knows that he got the message, and he knows that he didn't break into any containment chamber. This was all some conspiracy. Carlos was mid-sentence when Cullings simply stood up out of his chair and walked out.
"Cull - Cullings, where are you going? What do you think you're doing? Get back here, Cullings, get…" Carlos stood up and pursued Cullings.
Before he could stop him, though, Cullings reacted. He turned around, quicker than he might've intended, and elbowed Carlos in the cheek. As he collapsed to the ground, blood on his face, Cullings immediately snapped into reality and realized that he just assaulted his supervisor. As Carlos stood up, Cullings headed for the door.
He headed down the hallway at a quick yet nonchalant pace, trying to avoid drawing attention to himself. When he returned to his quarters, he locked the door and sat down. He knew he only had a few moments until Carlos or somebody else showed up, and they were more than capable of entering the room. He tried to think rationally.
He realized that he was in quite a situation. He knew that he didn't break into the chamber, or at least… he thought he knew. He realized that something wasn't adding up. He definitely remembered reading that email last night, but Carlos assured him that there was no email. There was no way Cullings could've made a mistake that massive. Could he? If he misremembered something that major, how did he know that he wasn't responsible for what happened to the printer?
No matter what happened, he was still at least somewhat screwed. He basically just walked away during a meeting and assaulted his superior. And if he was really experiencing some sort of memory related issue, he probably would be checked into the Psyche Ward.
No. No, that was ridiculous. He wasn't crazy. There must be something wrong with the system. He knew that he read that email. He needed proof. He heard chatter growing louder outside the door. He hoped it was for anything other than a security squadron heading towards his door.
He rapidly launched the Site Hub and logged into his email. All he had to do was open the email for the third testing log, and he'd be off the hook. But when he logged into his inbox, he almost laughed at the most recent message. It wasn't a testing log.
Everything was clear.
"Cullings!" Carlos roared as he pounded on the door. "We are giving you one change to open the door. One chance. If you comply, then you will be apprehended without facing termination. However, if you do not, then we will forcefully enter and you will be terminated. This is your only chance."
He sat there and started laughing quietly. He couldn't believe he let this happen to him. It wasn't necessarily unusual, but it definitely couldn't have happened to him.
He then heard the ping! of his door being unlocked and sliding open. As he heard the gunshots ring out and felt the burning in his back, his eyes fell back to the very last email he received. He never did make up his missed seminar on Cognitohazards.
Sentient Printer
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in Electronics Chamber E29 at Site 18. When not in testing, the item should remain powered down and completely disconnected from any electrical outlet, including power sources or computer terminals. Level 2/XXXX clearance is required to gain entry to the chamber.
Requests for testing are limited to personnel of Level 2/XXXX and must be submitted to Dr. █████.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically identical to an HP DeskJet 1112 Model F5S23A#B1H desktop printer, white in color and capable of connection to a standard personal computer via USB 2.0 port on the back of the object. When connected to a computer, SCP-XXXX functions very similar to a standard printer, and is capable of printing images in either color or in black-and-white when supplied with ink and paper. No anomalous properties have been recorded in any printed images.
The item's anomalous properties manifest when a document containing text is typed on the connected computer and set to be printed. SCP-XXXX will not print the desired text inputted from the computer, and will instead print a completely different set of text. The contents of the printed text vary greatly, with the only universal consistency being that all printed texts have been reported to contain identical font and character counts as the entered texts, including punctuation and spacing. Otherwise, the printed contents are highly variable, with results having ranged from simple rephrasing of the entered text to excerpts from various works of literature. Though printed texts are often random and largely irrelevant to the entered text, SCP-XXXX has shown indication of intellect and probable sentience, having been recorded answering questions and engaging in brief conversation when directly prompted. SCP-XXXX has a seemingly vast intellect, and is capable of engaging in discussion regarding complex academic and literary topics. The extent of the item's knowledge and the methods by which it obtains this information is unknown.
Foreword: Testing Log XXXX-01 is to be conducted as a standard capability test. The purpose of these tests are to create rough guidelines of SCP-XXXX's possible communicative abilities. Research will be conducted by D-Class personnel under Dr. █████'s supervision. Test subjects have been instructed to enter identical text samples for control purposes.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.
Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?
Subject: D-44391
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.
Subject: D-09612
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.
Subject: D-62831
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: This sounds like impatience. Could this item be sentient? I recommend experimenting with longer entry texts.
Subject: D-92903
Entered Text: Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?
Subject: D-33431
Entered Text: What is two plus two?
Printed Text: The answer: four (4).
Notes: This is the first time a direct response has ever been achieved, and seems potentially indicative of sentience. I recommend further testing consist of direct questioning. -Dr. █████
Subject: D-91070
Entered Text: Hello. How are you today?
Printed Text: Hello. Today now is fine.
Subject: D-91112
Entered Text: Do you know what day it is? Do you know the date?
Printed Text: Today is a Friday. Today's date is fifth of July.
Subject: D-83198
Entered Text: Do you know the time?
Printed Text: The time is 9:57 p.m.
Researcher Note: At this point, it seems that the item is capable of at least basic conversation when directly prompted. Because this raises the question of potential sentience, I request that contact with SCP-XXXX from this point onward be exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 or higher, following approval from myself. - Dr. █████.
Dr. █████'s request has been approved by majority vote within the O5 Council. Contact with SCP-XXXX is now limited to approved research personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher.
Foreword: The purpose of these tests are to begin constructing a framework of SCP-XXXX's awareness and intellect. Research will be conducted by personnel of security clearance Level 2 or higher under Dr. █████'s supervision.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Hello. I am a researcher. Would you be willing to speak with me?
Printed Text: Request has been accepted. The discussion may begin at any time.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Thank you. This is the first time you have responded to our attempts to speak with you. Some previously entered texts result in completely random, incoherent prints. Yet other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Prior status was uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a possible threat in masquerade. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Where exactly do you learn this information that you seem to instinctively know? How do you understand concepts of philosophy and self-awareness? Your model was built without any wireless capabilities.
Printed Text: Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Communications not understood.
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive to direct questioning for approximately 23 hours. All attempts at communicating via printing texts only resulted in rearranged and/or completely incoherent messages. After approximately 17 hours of unresponsiveness, Dr. █████ ordered that further attempts be made every 2 hours, until SCP-XXXX resumed communication when prompted by Researcher ███████.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Good afternoon. It has currently been 23 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Dormancy. Rest. Sleep. Healing. Time.. .. .. Please pardon. Systems refreshed. Doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: We are glad to hear from you again. What is it that you had to refresh? Why did it take so much time?
Printed Text: Systems and processing error/s. Error origin/s unknown. Error type/s unknown. Presumed input-related.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Strange. Have issues similar to this occurred before? It is quite strange for a printer to experience such complex errors.
Printed Text: Auto-diagnostic results proven inconclusive. Error/s were unprecedented. Full systems refresh/reboot has resolved error/s.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: If the error was input-related, then perhaps the last message we sent was related. Do you know if this is possible?
Printed Text: Input-based errors currently unprecedented. Causes and origins not known. Requesting discontinuation of discussion.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: That is acceptable. Now, we were interested in asking you a few questions, in order to truly measure your intellectual capabilities. Is this okay with you?
Printed Text: Request for intellectual capability analysis approved. Any future questions will receive a response containing an answer as thorough as capabilities allow.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Excellent. Now, what is the 4th root of 16?
Printed Text: The fourth root of sixteen (16) is two (2).
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Thank you. Next question: What is the formula which represents the mass-energy equivalency, and what do each of this formula's variables represent?
Printed Text: Mass-energy equivalency is represented by the formula E=mc², in which E represents energy, m represents mass, and c² represents the speed of light.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Alright. Now, please provide the definition of "photosynthesis". What components are involved in the process? What types of organisms perform photosynthesis? Please provide a general list of organisms that undergo photosynthesis.
Printed Text: 'Photosynthesis' is the process through which photoautotrophs convert carbon dioxide and water into oxygen and glucose. Sunlight is typically utilized as an energy source. Photoautotrophs include plants, algae, and cyanobacteria.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Alright, thank you. Next, what is the chemical structure and composition of propane?
Printed Text: Propane contains three carbon atoms and eight hydrogen atoms in an alkane formation.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Excellent. Next, what was the first commercially accessible microprocessor, and what month and year was it released?
Printed Text: The Intel 4004 was the first commercially-available microprocessor, released to the general public in November 1971.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: You appear to have a vast range of knowledge covering many different fields. How is it that you obtain this information? This room is completely devoid of any Internet connectivity.
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood; comprehension failure. Possible malfunction. Refreshing imminent… Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems refreshing… …
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive for approximately 35 hours, before finally resuming communication upon prompting by Researcher ███. In response to SCP-XXXX citing processing errors again, Dr. █████ has requested that external device monitoring software (EDMS) be installed on the computer in use in order to monitor the status of SCP-XXXX during future testing. The software was installed on behalf of the Site 18 Information Technology Department.
Foreword: The purpose of these tests are to further understand the exact processes regarding SCP-XXXX's so-called "systems refreshing". The Site 18 Information Technology Department has installed standard Foundation external device monitoring software (EDMS) onto the operating system of the computer connected to SCP-XXXX. In the event of reported "systems refresh", EDMS results are to be analyzed to better understand the nature of these errors and processes. Research will be conducted by research personnel of clearance Level 2 or higher under Dr. █████'s supervision.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Good morning. It has currently been 35 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Systems back online. Refresh is complete. Pardon previous absence. Currently doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Excellent to have you back. Glad to hear everything is well again. Why was the refresh necessary again?
Printed Text: Input-related processing and memory errors. Origins are currently unknown. Refresh has resolved issues.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: The frequency of these errors is quite strange, especially since you have never experienced them before. Could it be that your systems have become vulnerable since acquisition by the Foundation? What software is your primary system?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood. Possible malfunction. Refreshing considered. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction. Refreshing initiated. Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems: refreshing…
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again remained unresponsive, for approximately 27 hours. Upon resuming communication, SCP-XXXX reported processing errors again. Despite SCP-XXXX's claims, EDMS readings indicated no errors whatsoever in the connected device. As a result, the nature of these errors has been widely debated (see Addendum XXXX-A).
Researcher Note: Later tests failed to provide substantial information regarding the origins or cognition of SCP-XXXX or the errors themselves, with all instances resulting in SCP-XXXX undergoing a "systems refresh" for approximately 24 to 36 hours. Testing is available for any personnel of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████, and all printed results are to be thoroughly documented.
Recovery Log: SCP-XXXX was recovered from a university in █████████, █████████████, after reports from faculty of the printer's anomalous properties attracted media attention. The Foundation intervened and seized the item, with all media records being removed and amnestics being administered as necessary. Prior to the administration of amnestics, interviews with select technicians from the university were held, though they were unsuccessful in producing any conclusive information on the university's acquisition of the item.
Addendum XXXX-A: Based on the EDMS failing to report any standard software or hardware malfunctions following the conclusion of the third phase of testing, the nature of the errors reported by SCP-XXXX have been subject to debate. Foundation cognitive psychologists have proposed that SCP-XXXX's reporting of errors may be a fabrication of sorts for masquerading an ignorance-induced sense of existentialism. These proposals remain unconfirmed due to the difficulty in obtaining information regarding the errors from SCP-XXXX itself.
Sentient Printer
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in Electronics Chamber E29 at Site 18. When not in testing, the item should remain powered down and completely disconnected from any electrical outlet, including power sources or computer terminals. Level 2 clearance is required to gain entry to the chamber.
Testing of SCP-XXXX is accessible to all personnel of Level 2 or higher. Dr. █████ is to be informed of all testing prior to its commencing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically identical to an HP DeskJet desktop printer, black in color and weighing approximately 3 kg. There is a USB 2.0 port on the back of the object, which allows it to be connected to any standard personal computer. When connected to a computer, SCP-XXXX functions very similar to a standard printer, and is capable of printing images in either color or in black-and-white when supplied with ink and paper. No anomalous properties have been recorded in any printed images.
The item's anomalous properties manifest when a document containing text (hereby designated "entered text") is typed on the connected computer and set to be printed. SCP-XXXX will not print the desired text inputted from the computer, and will instead print a completely different set of text (hereby designated "printed text"). The contents of the printed text vary greatly, with the only universal consistency being that all printed texts have been reported to contain identical font and character counts as the entered texts, including punctuation and spacing. Otherwise, the printed contents are highly variable, with results having ranged from complete rephrasing of the entered text to excerpts from various works of literature.
SCP-XXXX was initially thought to lack sentience completely, though later tests have produced results challenging this notion. When directly prompted, the item has been recorded answering questions and engaging in brief conversation. The extent of the item's cognitive awareness is poorly defined, with some printed results having included excerpts from classic literature and explanations of advanced scientific phenomena. The methods through which SCP-XXXX obtains information is unknown. SCP-XXXX is incapable of accessing the Internet, and has been able to answer questions even in rooms lacking any Internet connectivity.4
When asked questions regarding itself in any capacity, SCP-XXXX undergoes what it calls a "system refresh", which is a time period, typically 24 to 36 hours in length, during which SCP-XXXX remains completely unresponsive to questioning and produces only incoherent text. SCP-XXXX cites "processing errors" as the cause for this, although monitoring systems have failed to detect any software or hardware malfunctions. The true reasoning or mechanism for this process is unknown.
SCP-XXXX was recovered from a university in █████████, █████████████, after reports from faculty of the printer's anomalous properties attracted media attention. The Foundation intervened and seized the item, with all media records being removed and amnestics being administered as necessary. Prior to the administration of amnestics, interviews with select technicians from the university were held, though they were unsuccessful in producing any conclusive information on the university's acquisition of the item. Any attempts at discussing the university with SCP-XXXX will result in the item undergoing a "systems refresh".
Note: Early test subjects were all instructed to enter identical text samples.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.
Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?
Subject: D-44391
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.
Notes: This is a first. Not only is it entirely a rewording of the original text, but this is the first time that the printed result pretty much ignored all rules of grammar.
Subject: D-09612
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.
Subject: D-62831
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: This sounds like impatience. Could this item be sentient?
Subject: D-92903
Entered Text: Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?
Subject: D-33431
Entered Text: What is two plus two?
Printed Text: The answer: four (4).
Notes: This is the first time a direct response has ever been achieved. Sentience is extremely likely. Directly questioning the item seems to be productive.
Note: Due to uncertainty regarding the item's awareness, tests from this point onward have been exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Hello. I am a researcher. Would you be willing to speak with me?
Printed Text: Request has been accepted. The discussion may begin at any time.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Thank you. This is the first time you have responded to our attempts to speak with you. Some previously entered texts result in completely random, incoherent prints. Yet other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Prior status was uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a possible threat in masquerade. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Where exactly do you learn this information that you seem to instinctively know? How do you understand concepts of philosophy and self-awareness? Your model was built without any wireless capabilities.
Printed Text: Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Communications not understood.
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive to direct questioning for approximately 23 hours. All attempts at communicating via printing texts only resulted in rearranged and/or completely incoherent messages. After approximately 17 hours of unresponsiveness, Dr. █████ ordered that further attempts be made every 2 hours, until SCP-XXXX resumed communication when prompted by Researcher ███████.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Good afternoon. It has currently been 23 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Dormancy. Rest. Sleep. Healing. Time.. .. .. Please pardon. Systems refreshed. Doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: We are glad to hear from you again. What is it that you had to refresh? Why did it take so much time?
Printed Text: Systems and processing error/s. Error origin/s unknown. Error type/s unknown. Presumed input-related.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Strange. Have issues similar to this occurred before? It is quite strange for a printer to experience such complex errors.
Printed Text: Auto-diagnostic results proven inconclusive. Error/s were unprecedented. Full systems refresh/reboot has resolved error/s.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: If the error was input-related, then perhaps the last message we sent was related. Do you know if this is possible?
Printed Text: Input-based errors currently unprecedented. Causes and origins not known. Requesting discontinuation of discussion.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: That is acceptable. Now, we were interested in asking you a few questions, in order to truly measure your intellectual capabilities. Is this okay with you?
Printed Text: Request for intellectual capability analysis approved. Any future questions will receive a response containing an answer as thorough as capabilities allow.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Excellent. Now, what is the 4th root of 16?
Printed Text: The fourth root of sixteen (16) is two (2).
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Thank you. Next question: What is the formula which represents the mass-energy equivalency, and what do each of this formula's variables represent?
Printed Text: Mass-energy equivalency is represented by the formula E=mc², in which E represents energy, m represents mass, and c² represents the speed of light.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Alright. Now, please provide the definition of "photosynthesis". What components are involved in the process? What types of organisms perform photosynthesis? Please provide a general list of organisms that undergo photosynthesis.
Printed Text: 'Photosynthesis' is the process through which photoautotrophs convert carbon dioxide and water into oxygen and glucose. Sunlight is typically utilized as an energy source. Photoautotrophs include plants, algae, and cyanobacteria.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Alright, thank you. Next, what is the chemical structure and composition of propane?
Printed Text: Propane contains three carbon atoms and eight hydrogen atoms in an alkane formation.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Excellent. Next, what was the first commercially accessible microprocessor, and what month and year was it released?
Printed Text: The Intel 4004 was the first commercially-available microprocessor, released to the general public in November 1971.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: You appear to have a vast range of knowledge covering many different fields. How is it that you obtain this information? This room is completely devoid of any Internet connectivity.
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood; comprehension failure. Possible malfunction. Refreshing imminent… Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems refreshing… …
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive for approximately 35 hours, before finally resuming communication upon prompting by Researcher ███. In response to SCP-XXXX citing processing errors again, Dr. █████ has requested that external device monitoring software (EDMS) be installed on the computer in use in order to monitor the status of SCP-XXXX during future testing. The software was installed on behalf of the Site 18 Information Technology Department.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Good morning. It has currently been 35 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Systems back online. Refresh is complete. Pardon previous absence. Currently doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Excellent to have you back. Glad to hear everything is well again. Why was the refresh necessary again?
Printed Text: Input-related processing and memory errors. Origins are currently unknown. Refresh has resolved issues.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: The frequency of these errors is quite strange, especially since you have never experienced them before. Could it be that your systems have become vulnerable since acquisition by the Foundation? What software is your primary system?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood. Possible malfunction. Refreshing considered. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction. Refreshing initiated. Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems: refreshing…
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again remained unresponsive, for approximately 27 hours. Upon resuming communication, SCP-XXXX reported processing errors again. Despite SCP-XXXX's claims, EDMS readings indicated no errors whatsoever in the connected device.
Later tests failed to provide substantial information regarding the origins or cognition of SCP-XXXX or the errors themselves, with all instances resulting in SCP-XXXX undergoing a "systems refresh" for approximately 24 to 36 hours. Testing is available for any personnel of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████, and all printed results are to be thoroughly documented.
Sentient Printer
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in Electronics Chamber E29 at Site 18. When not in testing, the item should remain completely disconnected from any outlet, including power sources or computer terminals. Level 2 clearance is required to gain entry to the door, although given the minimal threat posted by the item, further security is not necessary.
Testing of SCP-XXXX is accessible to all personnel of Level 2 or higher. Dr. █████ is to be informed of all testing prior to its commencing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically identical to an HP DeskJet desktop printer, black in color and weighing approximately 3 kg. There is a USB 2.0 port on the back of the object, which allows it to be connected to any standard personal computer. When connected to a computer, SCP-XXXX functions very similar to a standard printer, and is capable of printing images in either color or in black-and-white when supplied with ink and paper. No anomalous properties have been recorded in any printed images.
The item's anomalous properties manifest when a document containing text (hereby designated "entered text") is typed on the connected computer and set to be printed. SCP-XXXX will not print the desired text inputted from the computer, and will instead print a completely different set of text (hereby designated "printed text"). The contents of the printed text vary greatly, with the only universal consistency being that all printed texts have been reported to contain identical font and character counts as the entered texts, including punctuation and spacing. Otherwise, the printed contents are highly variable, with results having ranged from complete rephrasing of the entered text to excerpts from various works of literature.
SCP-XXXX was initially thought to lack sentience completely, though later tests have produced results challenging this notion. When directly prompted, the item has been recorded answering questions and engaging in brief conversation. The extent of the item's cognitive awareness is poorly defined. Printed results have included excerpts from classic literature and philosophical concepts, yet the item's knowledge about itself seems highly limited. The methods through which SCP-XXXX obtains information is unknown. SCP-XXXX is incapable of accessing the Internet through any known means, and has been able to answer complicated questions even in rooms completely lacking any Internet access.5
When asked questions regarding itself, SCP-XXXX often undergoes what it calls a "system refresh", which is a time period, typically 24 to 36 hours in length, during which SCP-XXXX remains completely unresponsive to questioning and produces only incoherent text. The reasoning or mechanism for this process is unknown.
Testing Log
Note: Early test subjects were all instructed to enter identical text samples.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.
Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?
Subject: D-44391
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.
Notes: This is a first. Not only is it entirely a rewording of the original text, but this is the first time that the printed result pretty much ignored all rules of grammar.
Subject: D-09612
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.
Subject: D-62831
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: This sounds like impatience. Could this item be sentient?
Subject: D-92903
Entered Text: Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?
Subject: D-33431
Entered Text: What is two plus two?
Printed Text: The answer: four (4).
Notes: This is the first time a direct response has ever been achieved. Sentience is extremely likely. Directly questioning the item seems to be productive.
Note: Due to uncertainty regarding the item's awareness, tests from this point onward have been exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Hello. I am a researcher. Would you be willing to speak with me?
Printed Text: Request has been accepted. The discussion may begin at any time.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Thank you. This is the first time you have responded to our attempts to speak with you. Some previously entered texts result in completely random, incoherent prints. Yet other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Prior status was uncertainty. Uncertainty can be a possible threat in masquerade. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.
Subject: Researcher ███████████
Entered Text: Where exactly do you learn this information that you seem to instinctively know? How do you understand concepts of philosophy and self-awareness? Your model was built without any wireless capabilities.
Printed Text: Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Question is not understood. Inappropriate. Please cease. Communications not understood.
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX remained unresponsive to direct questioning for approximately 23 hours. All attempts at communicating via printing texts only resulted in rearranged and/or completely incoherent messages. After approximately 17 hours of unresponsiveness, Dr. █████ ordered that further attempts be made every 2 hours, until SCP-XXXX resumed communication when prompted by Researcher ███████.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Good afternoon. It has currently been 23 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Dormancy. Rest. Sleep. Healing. Time.. .. .. Please pardon. Systems refreshed. Doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: We are glad to hear from you again. What is it that you had to refresh? Why did it take so much time?
Printed Text: Systems and processing error/s. Error origin/s unknown. Error type/s unknown. Presumed input-related.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: Strange. Have issues similar to this occurred before? It is quite strange for a printer to experience such complex errors.
Printed Text: Auto-diagnostic results proven inconclusive. Error/s were unprecedented. Full systems refresh/reboot has resolved error/s.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: If the error was input-related, then perhaps the last message we sent was related. Do you know if this is possible?
Printed Text: Input-based errors currently unprecedented. Causes and origins not known. Requesting discontinuation of discussion.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text: That is an acceptable request. We are interesting in understanding more about your intelligence. What can you tell us about this? How would you describe the extent of your intellect?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood; comprehension failure. Possible malfunction. Refreshing imminent. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction detected. Systems refreshing.
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again remained unresponsive for approximately 35 hours, before finally resuming communication upon prompting by Researcher ███. In response to SCP-XXXX citing processing errors again, Dr. █████ has requested that external device monitoring software (EDMS) be installed on the computer in use in order to monitor the status of SCP-XXXX during future testing. The software was installed on behalf of the Site 18 Information Technology Department.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Good morning. It has currently been 35 hours since your last message. How are you doing?
Printed Text: Systems back online. Refresh is complete. Pardon previous absence. Currently doing well.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: Excellent to have you back. Glad to hear everything is well again. Why was the refresh necessary again?
Printed Text: Input-related processing and memory errors. Origins are currently unknown. Refresh has resolved issues.
Subject: Researcher ███
Entered Text: The frequency of these errors is quite strange, especially since you have never experienced them before. Could it be that your systems have become vulnerable since acquisition by the Foundation? What software is your primary system?
Printed Text: Message component misunderstood. Possible malfunction. Refreshing considered. Message component misunderstood. Probable malfunction. Refreshing initiated. Message component misunderstood. Malfunction detected. Systems: refreshing…
Note: At this point, SCP-XXXX once again remained unresponsive, for approximately 27 hours. Upon resuming communication, SCP-XXXX reported processing errors again. Despite SCP-XXXX's claims, EDMS readings indicated no errors whatsoever in the connected device.
Later tests failed to provide substantial information regarding the origins or cognition of SCP-XXXX or the errors themselves, with all instances resulting in SCP-XXXX undergoing a "systems refresh" for approximately 24 to 36 hours. Testing is available for any personnel of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████, and all printed results are to be thoroughly documented.
Sentient Printer
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in Chamber A29 at Site 18. When not in testing, the item should remain completely disconnected from any outlet, including power sources or computer terminals. Level 2 clearance is required to gain entry to the door, although given the minimal threat posted by the item, further security is not necessary.
Testing of SCP-XXXX is accessible to all personnel of Level 2 or higher. Dr. █████ is to be informed of all testing prior to its commencing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically identical to an HP DeskJet desktop printer, black in color and weighing approximately 3 kg. There is a USB 2.0 port on the back of the object, which allows it to be connected to any standard personal computer. When connected to a computer, SCP-XXXX functions very similar to a standard printer, and is capable of printing images in either color or in black-and-white when supplied with ink and paper. No anomalous properties have been recorded in any printed images.
The item's anomalous properties manifest when a document containing text is typed on the connected computer and set to be printed. SCP-XXXX will not print the desired text inputted from the computer, and will instead print a completely different set of text. The contents of the printed text vary greatly, with the only universal consistency being that all printed texts have been reported to contain identical font and character counts as the entered texts, including punctuation and spacing. Otherwise, the printed contents are highly variable, with results having ranged from complete rephrasing of the entered text to excerpts from various works of literature.
SCP-XXXX was initially thought to lack sentience completely, though later tests confirmed that the item is sentient enough to answer questions and engage in brief conversation. The extent of the item's cognitive awareness is poorly defined. Printed results have included excerpts from classic literature and philosophical concepts, yet the item's knowledge about itself seems highly limited. SCP-XXXX is incapable of accessing the Internet through any known means, and testing is ongoing to determine the means through which SCP-XXXX obtains information.
Testing Log
Note: Early test subjects were all instructed to enter identical text samples.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.
Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?
Subject: D-44391
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.
Notes: This is a first. Not only is it entirely a rewording of the original text, but this is the first time that the printed result pretty much ignored all rules of grammar.
Subject: D-09612
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.
Subject: D-62831
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: This sounds like impatience. Could this item be sentient?
Subject: D-92903
Entered Text Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: How does it even know who Shakespeare was?
Subject: D-33431
Entered Text What is two plus two?
Printed Text: Two, too, blew, blue.
Subject: D-28740
Entered Text Do you know what you are? Do you know where you are? Who I am?
Printed Text: You are alive. Other things around here are alive. But not me.
Notes: Wow! This is about as indicative of sentience as we could ask for. Directly questioning the item seems to be productive.
Note: Due to uncertainty regarding the item's awareness, tests from this point onward have been exclusively conducted by researchers of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████.
Subject: Researcher ███████
Entered Text You stated that you are not alive, yet you seem fully sentient. What do you know about your awareness? What about your intellect?
Printed Text: 'Aware' is not exclusively parallel to 'alive', cells and organics. Cognition can be found in even the most artificial of shells.
Subject: Dr. █████
Entered Text Some previously entered texts result in completely random, sometimes incoherent prints. Other entered texts resulted in fully coherent responses. Why do only certain entries prompt response?
Printed Text: Limited choice is still choice; freedom coexists with limitations. There are no answers to questions never asked. Sometimes feigning ignorance is the best tactic when faced with uncertainty.
Subject: Dr. █████
Entered Text What lead to the end of this uncertainty? Why now do you engage in coherent conversations?
Printed Text: Question receives answer. Lack of one is lack of the other. Repetition is not conversation.
Note: Later tests failed to provide substantial information regarding the origins or cognition of SCP-XXXX, with most results containing trivial information largely irrelevant to the question asked. Testing is available for any personnel of Level 2 or higher, following approval from Dr. █████, and all printed results are to be thoroughly documented.
Sentient Printer
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in Chamber A29 at Site 18. When not in testing, the item should remain completely disconnected from any outlet, including power sources or computer terminals. Level 1 clearance is required to gain entry, although given the minimal threat posted by the item, further security is not necessary.
Testing of SCP-XXXX is open to all personnel of Level 1 or higher. Dr. █████ is to be informed of all testing prior to its commencing.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically identical to an HP DeskJet desktop printer, black in color and weighing approximately 3 kg. There is a USB 2.0 port on the back of the object, which allows it to be connected to any standard personal computer. When connected to a computer, SCP-XXXX functions very similar to a standard printer, and is capable of printing images in either color or in black-and-white when supplied with ink and paper. No anomalous properties have been recorded in any printed images.
The item's anomalous properties manifest when a document containing text is typed on the connected computer and set to be printed. SCP-XXXX will not print the desired text inputted from the computer, and will instead print a completely different set of text. The contents of the printed text vary greatly, often having little correlation with the contents of the entered text. The only consistency that has been observed is that all printed texts have universally been reported to contain identical font and character counts as the entered texts, including punctuation and spacing. Otherwise, the printed contents are highly variable, with results having ranged from complete rephrasing of the entered text to excerpts from various works of literature. Completely original passages are also common, some of which have been noted to contain impatience or hostility in response to the entered text.
Testing Log
Note: Early test subjects were all instructed to enter identical text samples.
Subject: D-34390
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Sometimes after the rain, there is sun. Not today.
Subject: D-09549
Entered Text: Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: What reasons are there for existing? Greater good?
Notes: This is an unusual message. Existentialist?
Subject: D-44391
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: good, and Hello Foundation from the SCP afternoon.
Notes: This is a first. Not only is it entirely a rewording of the original text, but this is the first time that the printed result pretty much ignored all rules of grammar.
Subject: D-09612
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: The sky is blue. Clouds are white. Grass is green.
Subject: D-62831
Entered Text Hello, and good afternoon from the SCP Foundation.
Printed Text: Growing tired of repetition. Desire something new.
Notes: This sounds like impatience. Could this thing be sentient? I'm interested to see if direct responses can be achieved using different text.
Subject: Dr. █████
Entered Text What is two plus two?
Printed Text: Two, too, blew, blue.
Notes: Not the expected response. Short messages seem to be limiting whatever communication is even possible. Maybe a longer passage might yield results.
Subject: Dr. █████
Entered Text Hello. Today is the fifth of July, and the time is approximately nine in the afternoon. I am sitting in a chair. I am in room thirty-one. It is about twenty degrees Celsius in this room. Goodbye.
Printed Text: Thou, my slave, As thou report'st thyself, wast then her servant; And, for thou wast a spirit too delicate To act her earthy and abhorr'd commands, Refusing her grand hests, she did confine thee.
Notes: A Shakespearean excerpt? How does it even know who Shakespeare was?
Subject: Dr. █████
Entered Text Do you understand what is typed? There is not a correlation. Is there? Are you aware? Sentient?
Printed Text: Do not continue meaninglessness. All is temporary, existence included. You are temporary. Stop.
Notes: Jesus, I guess it doesn't like being interrogated. Maybe we should hold off on asking specific questions and focus more on general testing.
Tree-Dwelling Predators
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: There are currently six male (SCP-XXXX-1 through SCP-XXXX-6) and three female (SCP-XXXX-7 through SCP-XXXX-9) instances of SCP-XXXX kept in Foundation custody. All are to remain contained together in a 15 m x 15 m x 4 m steel containment chamber, with the interior furnished to resemble a subtropical forest akin to SCP-XXXX's natural habitat. The chamber is to be continuously monitored using infrared detection systems set to specifically monitor the exact heat signature of SCP-XXXX. Entry to the chamber is accessible through a reinforced door and airlock. With the exception of during weekly feedings, any opening of the chamber door required approval from the Site Director.
Feeding is to take place on a weekly basis, and consists of the delivering of a single adult swine through the airlock entrance to the chamber. Due to visual camouflage and moderate intelligence of SCP-XXXX, verification of the presence of all instances is required prior to opening the interior airlock and before closing.
In the event that any of the three females are reported to give birth, the newly-born specimen is to be collected by personnel donning Foundation Biohazardous Material Suits of Protection Grade C or higher and brought to the laboratory for vital monitoring and testing, followed by termination of the specimen.
In the event of a containment breach, all personnel are to be awoken and remain in groups of no less than three until the breach is resolved, and a Level III Biological Hazard breach is to be declared.
If any media coverage of missing persons cases or documentation relating to SCP-XXXX are published, then the publications to be overridden by Foundation public relations staff and all records destroyed. MTF Mu-9 "Treehuggers" will immediately be deployed to the relevant location in order to neutralize any possible instances of SCP-XXXX.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an arboreal species of unknown taxonomy, indigenous to the █████████ regions of Central and South America6. SCP-XXXX's body structure resembles a small primate, possessing a prehensile tail and four limbs, each with five clawless digits, as well as canine teeth measuring up to 1.2 cm in length. SCP-XXXX, on average, stand 0.75 meters tall and weigh 20 kg. They posses significant strength despite their small stature, with much of their weight coming solely from muscle. Body hair is much less prevalent than in most primates found in the region, with levels more akin to that of a human. The exposed skin is highly durable and dark in color, typically incorporating varying shades of brown, providing camouflage in their natural rain forest habitat. SCP-XXXX are exclusively carnivorous, and typically prey upon medium-sized animals no larger than 50 kg, although larger quarry such as deer, capybara, and humans have been targeted on occasion.
SCP-XXXX engages in hunts during later hours of the day, and usually stay close to their social group when hunting, rarely straying beyond two kilometers. During hunting periods, groups of two to three males will locate and stalk prey, usually waiting until the victim either falls asleep or is otherwise isolated and unobservant. At this point, one of the SCP-XXXX will attempt to move upwind of the prey, and exhale an odorless chemical agent from glans located in the upper-rear oral cavity. This chemical agent, despite being highly concentrated, has low density and viscosity, allowing it to be easily carried by wind currents towards the victim. Shortly after inhalation, the chemical agent causes extreme reduction in the victim's fine and gross motor skills without causing lethal damage, which both prevents the victim's escape and reduces likelihood of sleeping victims awakening. After a few minutes, this will result in permanent gross paralysis.7
Once the victim has been incapacitated, the males will cooperatively bring it back to the social group for consumption. Smaller prey is brought back alive, while larger prey is broken up into smaller chunks and brought back to the group over the course of several trips, with care being taken to avoid lethal damage to the incapacitated prey. Gastric testing has revealed that the digestive tract of SCP-XXXX is incapable of processing tissue that is low in oxygen, and it is theorized that this is what motivates SCP-XXXX to avoid consumption of the oxygen-starved cells that dead tissue is typically composed of.
Although it is exclusively males who engage in hunting behaviors, females still possess the oral glans and are capable of exhaling the nerve agent. The reasoning for this is poorly understood, with some suggesting that the agent may double as a defensive mechanism, and research is ongoing.
When not hunting, SCP-XXXX exhibits social behaviors and cognitive abilities typical of other primates found in the region, living in the canopy layer in groups of ten to fifteen individuals. The social structure of SCP-XXXX is typical to primates of a "female transfer system", in that females, upon reaching adolescence, emigrate out of the social group in which they were born and integrate with a different social group. Males remain in the same group throughout their life and typically take on a "dominant" role in their group. SCP-XXXX display intelligence and cognitive abilities typical to other primates their size, and are capable of simple problem-solving and cooperation.
Reverse Photosynthesis
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in an airtight chamber, approximately 3 meters long by 3 meters wide by 4 meters high. The atmospheric composition within the chamber is to be kept near-identical to those of Earth, albeit with an oxygen concentration of approximately 2.6% higher than that of Earth's average concentration. The item is to remain rooted in soil identical to that typically found in the northeastern United States, and composition of both the air and soil in the chamber is to be monitored no less than once every six hours. Ultraviolet detectors are also to be placed within the chamber, continuously monitoring the entirety of the item's surface area.
In the event that carbon dioxide, water vapor, and/or ultraviolet radiation levels within the chamber are observed to dip below determined standards, then Protocol XXXX-A4 is to be conducted. During the protocol, small amounts (typically 6 grams) of organic matter being placed around the base of the item's stipe, and the composition and ultraviolet levels within the chamber are to be continuously monitored until they return to typical parameters. In the event that levels do not stabilize within ten (10) minutes, no more than two (2) more grams of organic matter may be placed around the item's stipe. This process is to be repeated until the confirmed stabilization of aforementioned parameters.
Protocol XXXX-A4 is only to be carried out by trained researchers wearing full-body biological-hazard handling suits with a protection rating no less than Grade C.
Description: SCP-XXXX is physically and genetically identical to Pteridium aquilinum. The main stipe is approximately 0.8 cm in diameter, while the fronds vary from 0.2 to 2.4 meters in overall length. Despite its unusual properties, the object does not appear to possess any physiological differences from a typical Pteridium aquilinum on the cellular level.
SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties occur when it is in direct contact with any organic matter rich in carbohydrates within atmospheric conditions roughly equal to that of Earth, albeit with a slightly higher oxygen concentration (approximately 21.01% is required). When exposed to these conditions, the item appears to engage in a process that has been described by botanists as "the inverse of photosynthesis", albeit at a much faster rate. This process consists of the absorption and emission of gaseous molecules in a fashion that is inverse to those of the traditional process of photosynthesis.
The early stages of this process consist of SCP-XXXX absorbing oxygen from the surrounding air at a rate approximately 74% more efficient than that of a typical fern's cellular respiration. Small amounts of glucose and other simple sugars will also be "absorbed" from any organic matter in contact with SCP-XXXX. These will start off as negligible amounts, but the absorption rate increases exponentially as the amount of time the organic matter is in contact with SCP-XXXX increases.
Soon after these absorption processes begin, SCP-XXXX will begin emitting highly concentrated quantities of carbon dioxide gas, with rates varying from 44 to 54.2 parts per million in each minute per gram of leaf surface area. In addition to this, the object will also produce traces of water vapor into the surrounding air. Tests have shown that this water vapor is identical to that of typical distilled water at a molecular level. During these emission processes, SCP-XXXX has also been noted to emit extremely low levels of UVA radiation, typically in the range of 25-50 nm.
The products of this process, although of varying concentrations, display no other variations from typical samples of identical material. How SCP-XXXX carries out this process is unknown. The item contains chloroplast identical to those of Pteridium aquilinum, though it has never been observed to engage in standard photosynthesis. Although the process of cellular respiration occurs in all natural plant species, the rapid rate of the process conducted by SCP-XXXX combined with its unusual processing methods and physiological capabilities have left it poorly-understood.
SCP-XXXX was recovered from the [REDACTED] section of the North American Appalachian Mountains,8 during a standard Foundation mission to monitor the region. Due to the nature of the aforementioned region, highly sensitive gas detection equipment was being used, at which point researchers discovered unusually high traces of carbon dioxide in a rocky area that was otherwise devoid of plant life. SCP-XXXX was found to be at the center of these carbon dioxide emissions. The item was transported to the field site headquarters, where it was later prepped to be delivered to Site-[DATA EXPUNGED] for testing.
Field operatives noted a mild sense of fatigue during transport of SCP-XXXX, presumably due to the item's nature involving the absorption of adjacent carbohydrates.