Per 
I typed away.
To my dismay.
Dear Director Nakamura of Site 33,
I know there was more than a little confusion after our last shared fiasco, but using that to steal our equipment was rather rude, especially considering we showed up to aid your fireteam.
Specifically, I humbly beg you to return the 3rd Wandswoman of Trenash's sidearm. I know a gun that fires ethereal bullets must be right up your containment specialists' alley, but please just give it back. If you want to study it or something I'll happily have a copy commissioned for you.
Sincerely,
The Fourth Wandswoman of Chelon, Elected Arbiter for Planet Earth.
I folded the paper with a groan.
I hoped I'd managed a reasoned tone
For the SCP Foundation
Had quite a nasty reputation
For being rather paranoid
Though I suppose when you avoid
The apocalypse every day
It rather strips humor away.
Exhausted yet my head did shake
"Enough of this. I need a break…"
~#~
As I made my way to the office bath
I admit, I suppressed a laugh.
For a moment I had in my mind,
A body that others did yet find,
Attractive. What a silly thing
to think of when my ears did ring
With all the latest proclamations
Of all my form’s cruel dementations
So naked went I to the water
Splashing gaily like an otter.
For I had worked so hard to be
A far more digestible form of me
For *hours* or at least that’s as it felt
And I know it’s just the hand I dealt
My self when I said I was sure
I’d make the finest arbiter
Earth was a strange and brutal place
Yet in spite of all the trials I’d faced
None vexed me more than speaking plain…
Though I supposed my work was not in vain.
A foundation was what I hoped I’d built
On our shared sense of guilt
For all the crimes that would ensure a
Tomorrow for I, and Nakamura
Into the bath came a withered bird
Luxuriating in the water stirred.
I saw him peek at my strange form
He chuckled, though without much scorn
He said:
“I know this is wrong
But I have to say you are
The most beautiful”
My training in language was quite excess
So many things could I express
“You’re an excellent liar.” I said.
