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SCP-xxxx Addenda Set 01: Articles pertaining to the location tentatively designated SCP-xxxx-B.

Excerpted Review of The Tempest:

Let me begin by saying I do not subscribe to the notion that Shakespeare’s work should be considered sacred or otherwise beyond adaptation. That said, this particular version strikes me as somewhat ill-conceived. Perhaps if the company had seen fit to mention in their press release that this was to be a reworked version of the classic then the audience may have proven more receptive, but given the content I sincerely doubt it.

The writer’s decision to omit the thematically crucial wedding scene in favour of the inclusion of Prospero’s freeing of the spirit Ariel from captivity within Sycorax’s pine tree was frankly baffling. Whilst Ariel undoubtedly proves an important asset to Prospero in the original material, the writer’s nagging insistance to overemphasise this point whilst underplaying the role of his tome and his staff is surely detrimental to the work.

Interview With Director Iannis Philpot (unedited transcription):

Planned in advance? Well, it.. no. I like to say that it came to me on the breeze. Like a whisper. Yeah, I know, right, what a great excuse.

I’d just arrived at the performance space and was appreciating its beauty. I was sitting on a bench under an apple tree and it.. We must have put on The Tempest a thousand times before, and it’s always been a hit, of course it has, we’re pretty damned good, and it’s, well, it’s The Tempest. Anyhow, it suddenly occurred to me that it was a bit.. I don’t know. a bit flat, maybe? I wouldn’t usually consider myself a better playwright than Shakespeare, no way, but, I guess, in the moment, I.. it just occurred to me, rather strongly in fact, that old Will had been focusing on entirely the wrong elements. I got pretty vocal about it, you can ask the guys. It’s hard to describe, but I couldn’t face putting on the original play, it didn’t seem fit for.. I would’ve been ashamed. I know, right? It’s ok to laugh. In the moment I honestly thought I could do better.

Sorry, can we just.. I can’t entirely justify it, after the fact.

I guess I’ve always been prone to pursuing a whim.. my flights of fancy. Sometimes that works out well for me, and other times not. This time, apparently, not.


I should like to start again, if I may?


Given it some more thought and it’s a no go on The Everywhere Bear. Don’t know, just occurred to me that Aladdin’s a better fit. Tried and tested, plus the age demographic’s wider, and kids always love the genie character, right? I’ll ask June to pencil it in.

Cheeky pint at the ferrymans tonight?


Local Family Set For Stardom!

On bank-holiday Monday a large crowd gathered in the Bishop’s Garden of Wells Cathedral to watch an impromptu performance put on by a local family. The Rowbothams claimed to have been visiting to walk their dog in the grounds when inspiration struck. None of the family have any background in the performing arts, however, as Mrs Rowbotham put it, “the glorious weather and evocative setting moved me such”. Mr Rowbotham adds “I’ve been working on overcoming my phobia of public speaking and this performance was an attempt to step outside my comfort zone”.

Anne Rowbotham, 42, works as a technical writer for a leading pharmaceutical company. Charles Rowbotham, 37, is a professional question setter and crossword compiler. Together they devised the core script by “discussing it, bouncing ideas back and forth for maybe an hour or two”, and both acted in the performance. Their son Jim, 12, was in charge of finding and constructing props from around the gardens, as well as playing several minor roles including his wonderfully spirited portrayal of a villainous jailer. Even their golden retriever Saruman had an (unintended) walk on part, delighting the audience with antics culminating in his theft of a cheese sandwich from a child in the front row.

Their 35 minute performance was met by rapturous applause, with audience members describing it as “thoroughly charming”, “inspired” and “inspiring”.

How long until Hollywood snaps them up? We’ll keep you posted!

The Importance of Being Earnest?

On Sunday many angry theatre goers apparently had no problem ‘being earnest’ when expressing their dissatisfaction after purchasing tickets for a critically acclaimed production of Oscar Wilde’s ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’, only to be treated instead to an apparently improvised and largely incoherent play concerning the intricacies of occult western mysticism. An inexplicable last minute change to the scheduled performance lead to Wilde’s light and witty comedy being replaced with a bizarre play centred around the acquisition of ultimate knowledge via the invocation of an imprisoned elder deity. I think it’s fair to say that the company’s decision to shun such traditional elements as characterisation, narrative development and thematics in favour of esoteric ritualistic content was unpopular with the audience, many of whom left part way through.

The venue’s events manager claims not to have been aware of this change prior to the performance, apologising unreservedly to customers and offering full refunds.

No representative for the theatrical company Ye Olde Somersetshire Players was available for comment.

See ‘You Have Your Say’ on page 23.


Hi, sorry to bother you when you’re so busy dealing with our ‘gaping hell pit’. (I’m guessing you saw that article already? Lol)

Just a note that I fired Vince Cosworth from the box office on Sunday evening after Juniper caught him vandalising the exhibits in the main building. Nothing damaged, he just took some stuff from the curiosity cabinet and hid it in the cellar. Seems like he was going to steal it later, no proof though. He claims he was “just playing around”.

I’ve put it all back now; no harm done, I suppose.

Sorry, I know that he’s been with us for a while now and you had high hopes for the guy. If you ask me he’s an oddball and we’re better off rid.


Sinkhole Scare!
Residents of xxx are fleeing their homes in terror after a gaping hellpit threatens to devour the town.

Sizeable Sinkhole Opens Overnight.
In the early hours of Monday morning a sizeable sinkhole measuring approximately 12m across and 44m in depth suddenly and dramatically opened in the grounds of xxxx, leading to significant structural damage and the temporary closure of the attraction to the public. Repairs are expected to take some time due to the sensitive nature of any restorations in view of the site’s status as a listed landmark of national heritage. Authorities are urging locals not to panic, stressing that this is understood to be an isolated incident; there is no cause to suspect that further sinkholes will form in the area.

_quatermass changed name to _spelunky.

_spelunky posted: srry but am i the only one whos 😀 about the sink hole? Gods revenge for that shitty blastfamous play.. rah!

Fatfurrycatpuss replied: [link: tomwaits-downinthehole.mp4] 😎

_spelunky replied: rolfmao!

Fatfurrycatpuss replied: …

Fatfurrycatpuss replied: Dork.

Poem displayed in ‘The Ferrymans’ Public House:

Ere queer spirits would cavort this land;
In man’s defence this fortress stands.
Foundations formed in times forgot,
Where whispered hints inspired plots.

A muse of old with cryptic words;
But see they ne’er be disinterred.

[[Link to scp page via this listpage]]

Item #: SCP-xxxx

Object Class: Keter.

Special Containment Procedures: Agents of the diffuse mobile task force [DESIGNATION], Waldorf & Statler, are to in pairs attend and covertly record any live theatrical performances flagged by Foundation trawler algorithm FTA-B11, feeding back their findings so as to facilitate ongoing improvements to the accuracy of the algorithm. Following each attended performance, agents are to assess the probability of said performance being an instance of SCP-xxxx-A. This is achieved through the cross-referencing of various narrative and symbolic continuity charts along with the task force’s compiled database of analogous representations. Once per month all healthy members are to remotely conference in randomly selected groups of 5, with a focus on the pioneering of new analytical methods and the development of practical resources to aid in their operation.

The goal of Waldorf & Statler must be to gain insights into the ultimate purpose of instances of SCP-XXXX-A via extensive analysis of their content.

Any FTA flagged possible instances of SCP-xxxx-A which advertise a cameo appearance from an unspecified star are to be subject to special scrutiny. Should this prove the case in any performance with scope for the inclusion of an incorporeal character or particularly advanced special effects, agents are authorised to disrupt the performance if necessary. (See procedural document: Heckling).

Members of [W&S] are to be subjected to task force specific psychological assessments following each positively identified performance attended; any member exhibiting symptoms of Mary-Sue self-insertion syndrome must undergo therapeutic treatment and pass a further assessment prior to the recommencement of their duties. During the interim they are forbidden from engaging with any works of fiction. Sufferers are to be encouraged in the use of immunotheraputic audiobooks during their period of rehabilitation, with the stipulation that the accent of the narrator be sufficiently dissimilar to the agent’s own in both timbre and intonation. Experienced members of the task force are to be retained wherever possible, even [REDACTED].

The structure of [W&S] is such that the task force is capable of operating with near-autonomy, in addition to directly conducting the governance of Clark Kent’s Intern. The primary purpose for Overseer involvement with W&S will be the periodic assessment of the ideological integrity and allegiance of members. the task force and its members

Agents of diffuse mobile task force [DESIGNATION], Clark Kent’s Intern, have been embedded into major corporations responsible for the production of various light entertainment and critical review publications. Suspected collaborators of SCP-xxxx are to be questioned under the guise of interviews intended for said publications. Should a positive identification be established over the course of the interview, the associated documents will not be published.

Stationary task force [DESIGNATION], Abdul Alhazred, has been established in order to attempt direct interaction with the anomaly. The project has been granted a period of 30 days in which to demonstrate collaboration with SCP-xxxx. Agents will be provided with writing implements including word processors, conventional pens, and a range of styluses constructed from ideoconductive materials such as cardinal gemstones and bronze.

Testing suggests that SCP-xxxx is either unwilling or unable to collaborate with Foundation personnel or D-Class subjects in laboratory conditions. Agents are forbidden from attempting to collaborate with the anomaly outside of approved testing. This is even especially applicable to members of W&S.

Update: As of xx/xx/xxxx all members of W&S must consent to the installation of monitoring equipment in their homes and vehicles as a requisite.

Foundation agents are conducting a thorough investigation of the structure and grounds of xxx along with its deep history, with the intent of discovering whether the anomaly was formerly bound to this location, and if so, then by what method this was achieved, and by whom. Efforts to locate POI ‘Vince Cosworth’ are ongoing. See addenda.

Description: SCP-xxxx is the Foundation’s designation for the apparent theatrical company of the same name. Within 24 hours of the Foundation’s designation of identifier ‘SCP-XXXX’ to this anomaly, the United Kingdom government received a trademark registration application for the company name ‘SCP-XXXX’ under class 41, a category which covers services including education, animal training and entertainment. This application was automatically rejected due to the provision of insufficient information by the applicant. Note that the Foundation’s informational security policy is currently under review.

The suspected repertoire of SCP-xxxx, termed SCP-xxxx-A, includes original plays and subtly reworked interpretations of classic material. These tend to be somewhat ambiguous in meaning, though all seem to be hinting at deeper truths, with the inclusion of certain consistent elements with analogous or homologous representation in each iteration. Foremost of these is the often referenced but seldom seen macguffin referred to by them with many names, but primarily known to us as SCP-001.

In addition to this, [REDACTED].

Curiously SCP-xxxx seem content for their esoteric messages to elude popular comprehension, preferring to encrypt and obfuscate any reference to the greater mysteries. Whilst this remains the case the existential threat presented by this anomaly is tentatively considered to be minimal. Note that following [redacted] a case was presented for the recategorisation of this anomaly as Thaumiel, a proposal soundly rejected by the board.

Whilst it is believed that SCP-xxxx usually perform in uncredited collaboration with other established theatre companies, they have also been tentatively implicated with [redacted] Primary School’s notorious production of their revisionist nativity play, and more recently with the British Broadcasting Corporation’s televised adaptation of [redacted].

Suspected noms de plume associated with this anomaly include Ludo & Lila, Amber, Ruby, Mr Bellamy, Hazel Shade and anon jr. It is unknown whether these titles refer to SCP-xxxx or its collaborators.

The apparent onset of this anomaly occurred within 48 hours of the opening of a moderately sized sinkhole within the location designated SCP-xxxx-B, and has been tentatively linked with the events that transpired there. See addenda set 1.

Whilst it appears that this anomaly was once geographically bound, it is no longer so. Its current goals, if such a term is even applicable, are a mystery to us.

Addendum 2:

Interview for [redacted] magazine: A Chat With The Director.

No. I mean, nothing exists in a vacuum, obviously my work is to some extent informed or otherwise influenced by the zeitgeist, but as for your question, no, it’s not directly inspired by any existing piece. And no, I don’t collaborate on my writing. Well, I guess you could say I do. I collaborate with, huh, I suppose you could call her an imaginary friend. I call her Clio, after the muse, you know?

Yes, it’s unconventional. I don’t subscribe to the idea of automatic writing, never have, but I do feel that having Clio around can be a tremendous tool for.. give me a moment.

She can be a tremendous tool for divorcing my creative ego from the story to which I’m giving life. I can just bounce ideas off her, or her from I, and tend to get a lot done that way. Never mind how I, as a writer, feel about a certain narrative direction, what would Clio make of it? Sometimes she suggests ideas out of the blue. Well, those can be.. shocking.. notions of mine which I can only stand to consciously actualise, to, uh, dredge from the depths of me, if first I distance myself from them by a step. Hence Clio. A sense of disownership.. dissociation.. it can be a liberating thing. Does that make sense?

No, This piece was the first time I used her. Perhaps the last; I do have something new in the works at the moment, but, I don’t know, the technique seems to have lost its effectiveness. I feel too self conscious when I try to engage with her now, I think that’s it. Or she’s just not there.

I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m explaining myself very well at all. Can we take it from the top?

Addenda Set 3

Waldorf & Statler Module 2 Examination.

Q1. Read both texts in figure 1 and then study the chart in figure 2. Tick any of the following statements which you consider to be correct:

•The first text is likely to be an instance of SCP-xxxx-A.
•The second text is likely to be an instance of SCP-xxxx-A.
•The chart was a useful tool in carrying out the previous assessments.
•The stranger in the first text is interchangeable with the suspect in the second text.
•The stranger in the second text is interchangeable with the adventurer in the first text.
•All instances of the terms ‘the adventurer’ and ‘the suspect‘ are interchangeable.
•Figure 1 is an example of analogous reiteration.
•Figure 1 is an example of a malory-eschenbach transformation.
•The name of the suspect should be added to database B-11-3.
•The name of the suspect should be added to database B-11-4.
•You strongly empathise with the concerned citizen’s dilemma.
•The stranger’s reference to Ahura Mazda would provide sufficient grounds for the declaration of situation:red.

Q2. Read figure 3, and, using all that you have learned from the two texts in figure 1, fill in the missing words.

Q3. Read the linear narrative in figure 3. Either:
• Fully deconstruct the narrative and then construct a woolworth web from the resulting objects.
• Fully deconstruct the narrative, and, using the woolworth wheel provided, reduce each relationship to campbell units. List these in ascending numerical order.

Q4. Read and delineate the text in figure 4. Convert the simple short story to an alphanumeric boswell code of 128 characters. Record your workings.

Q5. Read the series of texts in figure 5. Map all intertextual connections on 5mm grid paper.

Q6. Using the intertextual connectivity maps you produced for Q5, construct on tracing paper a complete map of the implicit narrative superstructure.

Q7. Read the non-linear auto-referent meta-narrative in figure 6. Compose an analogous linear narrative of 200-300 words without using any objects from the original text.

Q8. Using all you have learnt from figures 1-6 to provide context, establish the question and record your answer here.

Oral Assessment: Stand and read aloud the egohazardous poem ‘I Am Simon, I Am Sam’. Your assessor will make an audio recording of this reading and then replay it aloud before conducting an oral assessment. Answer any questions truthfully, taking time to consider your answers.

Chapter Summary: Approved Heckles

Whilst selective plotholing may be employed at an agent’s discretion, and situation:amber allows for the use of yah-boos and minor jeering, situation:red must be established before the use of the potentially hazardous techniques get off the stage!, we can’t hear you! or forgotten your lines? is permissible.

Protocol unmemorable performance (mass plotholing) should only be utilised for purposes of damage limitation.

In the majority of situations it will be more appropriate to simply sound a fire alarm or even to start a small fire; agents are expected to be resourceful and avoid resorting to the use of Heckles wherever possible.

Note that the use of he’s behind you! is no longer sanctioned.

If ever a production appears to be foreshadowing the final act then the show must go on but the current leader of the task force should be informed at the earliest possible juncture.

- What’s up with the structure of this? We’re supposed to be producing a technical document, not telling a goddamned story Doctor.
Article flagged for revision.


1. or may not represent an actual amulet at all, but rather exist in the works as a purely symbolic representation of a higher concept. It is also important to remember that it has not been established whether these works are even instances of SCP-xxxx-A at all.