Will Elliott - The Idiot's Pool

Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: Safe(ish)

Special Containment Procedures: Believe us, we tried…

Description: SCP-XXXX-J is a staff swimming pool currently located in the basement of Site-19. Currently, the pool is only open on Wednesdays. One must posess the 'special permit' given only by Dr. Bright to enter (Yes, everyone must always have the 'special permit' on their person at all times and yes even though the permit does have Bright's legendary rainbow glitter splashed around, please for the love of God do not enter the pool. We have enough bodies to cremate as it is).

Anyone who enters the pool instantaneously forgets how to swim. This usually results in hopeless flailing of the arms and legs until they drown a horrible, horrible death.

Only Dr. Bright himself can enter the pool without experiencing any anomalous effects, only doing so to lure people into the pool upon which he will usually combust into hysterical laughter as he watches your eyes fill with terror and anguish as he sarcastically mimics your futile flailing.

Any effort to shut down the pool for good is pointless as the pool is reopened once again by Dr. Bright, usually with the accompanyment of bright flashing rainbow lights strewn by the door leading to SCP-XXXX-J and promises of fun… 'for all'.

Once every year, Dr. Bright hosts a pool party which of course he hosts at SCP-XXXX-J. Attendence is mandatory. It's always mandatory. Those caught not at the mandatory pool party will be given a mandatory controlled shock right to the brain and then shot into the pool via a cannon painted like those you see at stunt shows. Luckily, entering the pool is NOT mandatory but is 'highly encouraged for excellent cardio exercise' as stated by Dr. Bright.

+ Addendum XXXX-01: 'invitation' text.

'As site director of Site-19, I believe it is my honourable duty to advertise the staff swimming pool. It amazes me how some of you don't even visit, let alone know of its existence, and guess what… You're totally invited to use it! Every Wednesday, at around the time I feel like it, the pool will open for anyone to use! Just open the door with the big flashing lights in the basement! Now, I understand the terrible and cruel rumours circulating around the pool's ominous abilities, but I, as your trusted site director, am telling you now that the pool is totally safe. The pool is here to be used, not be stared at with grief.

Though do tell me if when you're going to use it, will you?

- Your handsome and very trustworthy site director, Dr Jack Bright.'