Per 
For anyone else reading this other than the person who sent the draft, you probably won't understand what this sandbox is. But that person will.
First Paragraph:
SCP-XXXX is a ship in a bottle however the ship is real, the sails are, and the pirates on the ship are real. Judging by the size of the miniature people trapped on board, the ship can hold at least 80 people (12 are currently on the ship). After tests, it was concluded that the pirates living onboard the ship are completely unaware of the fact their entire world is inside a glass bottle. They also seemed to have no memory of their lives before they got trapped on the ship.
1) "SCP-XXXX is a ship in a bottle however the ship is real, the sails are, and the pirates on the ship are real. Judging by the size of the miniature people trapped on board, the ship can hold at least 80 people (12 are currently on the ship)."
Wording like "the pirates on the ship are real" would not work. Of course they're real, otherwise, we wouldn't be talking about it. Be more specific.
My suggestion: "SCP-XXXX is a glass bottle containing a miniature ship with 12 sentient miniature pirates on board. Judging by the pirates' sizes, the maximum capacity of the ship is approximately 80 people."
2) "After tests, it was concluded that the pirates living onboard the ship are completely unaware of the fact their entire world is inside a glass bottle. They also seemed to have no memory of their lives before they got trapped on the ship."
For the second sentence in that quote, there was no part prior that explained that these pirates were trapped. We only got that they were just there.
My suggestion: "The pirates on the ship are not aware of the existence of anything outside SCP-XXXX."
Second Paragraph:
the bottle traps people upon contact for longer than 10 minutes. it does this through a means of instant teleportation. no sound is made. the person holding the bottle just disappears and the bottle safely teleports to the nearest safe location. after that, the person can be seen inside the bottle among the other pirates. It also draws towards itself. It creates an undeniable urge to inspect the item.
The majority of these sentences aren't capitalized correctly.
Putting grammar aside, this also has wording issues as well as redundant sentences.
1) "the bottle traps people upon contact for longer than 10 minutes. it does this through a means of instant teleportation. no sound is made. the person holding the bottle just disappears and the bottle safely teleports to the nearest safe location. after that, the person can be seen inside the bottle among the other pirates."
This implies that the bottle is trapping you for a period of time longer than 10 minutes and transporting you instantly, rather than transporting you after 10 minutes.
My suggestion: "If a person remains in contact with SCP-XXXX for longer than 10 minutes, they will be shrunk down and transported inside by means of teleportation. SCP-XXXX will teleport to the nearest stable location, and the person can be seen inside along with the other pirates."
2) "It also draws towards itself. It creates an undeniable urge to inspect the item."
This kind of ability is cheap. I'd recommend scrapping it.
Third Paragraph:
During observation, a fight broke out among crewmates on the ship. After the fight, there were no physical injuries sustained by anyone involved. This indicated that the people on the ship are immortal.
I'd put this in an observation/incident report. Also, how do you come to the conclusion that they're immortal? Just because they didn't have any injuries doesn't mean they can't die.
Also, in the report, maybe have it be a full-on log? It would be interesting to see how these people behave rather than just skimming over it like it's nothing.
Fifth Paragraph:
All attempts to open the bottle have been unsuccessful although researchers believe the bottle is breakable. This however hasn’t been tested. What would happen upon breaking the bottle is also unknown. the most supported theory among the researchers of the project is that the inhabitants would die
This seems… weird. Why would the inhabitants die? It doesn't seem like there's anything that's stopping them from just living in the outside world. After all, they're just smaller humans (right?).
Other Suggestions:
- I would personally give the pirates (and maybe the ship as well, but it should be fine as it is) an SCP designation as well (SCP-XXXX-1, SCP-XXXX-A, whatever you like). Would require some rewording, but nothing you can't handle :)
