why we didn't break it [ this is broken masquerade by the way]

İn…and…out, just breathe, I tell myself…in and out…in and out. I’m trying to compose myself. I think what I’m doing is right, but this isn't The Serpent's way…it doesn't matter! The 'veil' may be lifted but the majority of people still don't know much about us. We need to share the knowledge of the library and I think this is the way to do it. l cleared away my self-doubt, but it doesn't help with my nervousness…in and out…in and out. I collect myself. It's time to start.
“Is this thing on? Are we live? Okay then, Hi! You're probably wondering who I am, that doesn't matter, I'm just here to deliver a message. No! I am not holding any hostages!” I sigh to myself. “Just…listen to this Universe, listen to it until you reach Serpent's Hand. That is your organization. I am a part of it as well. Now, continue reading it, read the orientation letter carefully. Now, I want to reiterate that I do not represent the whole of Serpent's Hand, I am acting of my own accord as I think that this will be helpful for you. I know that your lives have been pretty chaotic throughout these couple of months, but soon the smells of the library will be just as reassuring as they were to me and my brother. I think it's going to be better, the library is a place that welcomes all, I understand that it will be scary. When you’ve lived your whole life in darkness, lights are painful and blinding to your eyes, but once your eyes get adjusted you will be able to see the beauty of the world. The library will help you throughout the process. Well initiate, know you know the rules! Welcome to the garden.”
I let out a huge sigh of relief, it was finished. I decided to go home, I was tired and I know that it’s going to get very crowded tomorrow. I will be extremely busy helping people. I exited the building looking completely normal, nobody recognized me.That's to be expected, I was hiding my identity, but I had expected there to be more issues. I start to walk home, but I just can't shake this feeling of wrongness. Ever since the 'veil' was lifted I have felt empty. It’s been months since the 'veil' was lifted and I should be happy but I'm not. I feel like I disappointed my brother. He died for this cause and I'm being an ungrateful brat! Once I’m inside of my home I sit down and think. Why do I feel this way? Our goals are achieved. I should be the happiest woman alive. But I'm not. Am I really an ungrateful bitch? I think that’s what my brother would call me in this situation, maybe he would’ve screamed at me. Or maybe he would’ve just been disappointed.
I pause for a second. And I take a deep breath. I really need to stop with the self-loathing, but I always relapse into this train of thought. Why do I feel so empty? Some people told me they feel the same way, maybe everybody's feeling this way. I mean our goal has been achieved, but now we have no purpose. We didn't even break it…
Suddenly, I had an epiphany. “Why didn't we break it?” That question changes everything!
“Why didn't we break it? It was easy we could have leaked it, but why does North Korea have to be destroyed? We achieved our goal, but why does a whole country have to be destroyed? Why didn't we just….it's for the greater good. My brother would say it was for the greater good, but we didn't even do it! The bookburners did it, we were just bystanders! Why? We just leak things to the public, but instead we just sat around in the library twiddling our thumbs, stealing a few things sometimes but never anything of substance! Why?”
Then I had a realization.
I started screaming.
“It’s because we didn't want to, we always blame the jailers, the oppressors, the ones with the amnestics! Everybody….they will kill us all!”. Why didn't they reveal the library?
I mean at least my brother told me, but if that was true then why not leak it? Why didn't he or LS bitch do it? I mean if LS bitch wanted to leak it so badly, we wouldn’t he just do it? İf the jailers were falling apart so easily.and the 'veil' had been lifted, why wouldn't they reveal the library? Why did it take us months to do it? Actually, am I the only one who had that idea?
I’ve figured it out!
It’s because we didn't want to! The Library. The beacon of knowledge. It contains another universe, but we didn't tell anybody, we kept this all a secret. We are supposed to be the ones fighting against those types of secrets. I mean now there aren’t even any consequences for revealing the anomalies! We are all hypocrites. Tell me brother, are you happy that you died for nothing? Are you happy that I live my life, having paid such a steep price, for nothing?
I stopped yelling and started crying. “All my life has been for nothing. My brother lied to me. He said that everything was going to be okay. We were going to defeat the jailers, but we didn't. At least our goals are accomplished, but it doesn’t bring more than emptiness.” I remember my brother's warm smile, but now it just feels manipulative. I have lived all my life following everything he did and…Why am I blaming my brother from my problems. Yeah, he made me join The Serpent's Hand, but I can't reasonably say that he's responsible for my misery. Going back to this Morning, I made that speech, maybe I should be a bit more optimistic. Yeah, we’re fucking hypocrites, but maybe we should try to be better. Now that the veil has been lifted we need to find a new purpose. Maybe educating people will be our new purpose. I wipe my tears off of my face. My life has been pretty chaotic recently, but everything's going to be okay. This is just becoming painful to think about. Our Redemption Arc started today and I need to get some sleep. The next few days are going to be very busy.