Zaxmodax

todo: interview, testing log (testing log mostly done?)
still maybe make this a cactus very angry it's a cactus

SCP-4871 (I think this number is taken actually)
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4871 is contained in a standard climate controlled chamber at Biological Containment Site-103. Level 2 clearance is required to access the containment chamber. The chamber must be kept between 3 and 38 degrees celsius, with a humidity between 25% and 45%, synchronized with the actual temperature and humidity readings in the Chihuahuan desert. Climate control and watering of SCP-4871 is to be done via automated systems. At least one containment specialist must enter and visually inspect SCP-4871, the heat lamp, humidifier, surveillance camera, ventilation, and the walls and floor of the containment chamber once a week. Any required maintenance is to be performed by at least two containment specialists.

Description: SCP-4871 is a specimen of Opuntia strigil (Marble Fruit Prickly Pear) cactus found in far west Texas in [REDACTED: Pecos] county. It is currently approximately 75 centimeters tall and 70 by 68 centimeters wide. It was discovered on 16/07/20[][] by a member of MTF-Theta 4 (“Gardeners”) on vacation in the American Southwest during a hike.

SCP-4871’s anomalous features manifest when the word “cactus” or “cacti” is audibly produced while SCP-4871 is within 1 0.92 meters of the audio source.¹ When the audio source, designated SCP-4871-1, produces a valid auditory trigger, the ordinarily downward-facing spines on SCP-4871 will realign themselves to point directly at or away from SCP-4871-1² before SCP-4871 detaches itself from the ground and flies directly³ at SCP-4871-1. Testing shows SCP-4871 impacts SCP-4871-1 with exactly triple the kinetic energy classical mechanics indicated by classical mechanics, despite SCP-4871’s non-anomalous biological and physical properties. Removal of SCP-4871 from SCP-4871-1 requires an excessive amount of force, indicating that SCP-4871 maintains contact with SCP-4871-1 through anomalous means.

Interview Log (Alllll this needs to be correctly formatted, correct names, etc.)

<Begin Log>

Doctor: [NAME REDACTED], please recount the eve

Open Testing Log

[1) D-0000, wearing an EOD suit, instructed to enter SCP-4871's containment chamber and describe their observations. Subject entered as instructed and stated "Okay, so uh, I see a cactus, and- OH [Expletives Redacted]". Subject declared they had suffered no injuries upon activation of SCP-4871, but acquired numerous scratches on their hands from attempted removal of SCP-4871 from their body. D-0000 instructed to cease vocalizations. Two containment specialists dispatched to remove SCP-4871 from D-0000 and replant SCP-4871.

2) D-0000, wearing a modified EOD suit with a 1000mm by 1000mm by 50mm steel plate attached to the left forearm and kevlar gloves, instructed to enter SCP-4871's containment chamber and say "cacti". SCP-4871 made contact with D-0000's shield 1.3 seconds after vocal trigger. SCP-4871 slides off the shield and falls to the ground. D-0000 instructed to cease vocalizations. One containment specialist dispatched to replant SCP-4871.

3) D-0000, wearing standard D-Class clothing and wielding a 1000mm by 1000m by 50mm steel plate attached to the left forearm, instructed to enter SCP-4871's containment chamber and say "dirrîçîçek", the Kurdish word for cactus. Subject attempted to say the word, but was unable to correctly pronounce it. Subject then instructed to say "kaktus", the German word for cactus. SCP-4871 made contact with D-0000's shield 1.15 seconds after vocal trigger and fell to the ground. One containment specialist dispatched to replant SCP-4871.

4) D-0000, wearing standard D-Class clothing and wielding a 1000mm by 1000mm by 50mm steel plate attached to the left forearm, instructed to enter SCP-4871's containment chamber and describe SCP-4871 without using the words "cactus" or "cacti". Subject complies and successfully describes SCP-4871 as "A weird [Expletive Redacted] green plant that tried to stab the [Expletive Redacted] out of me. It has spines or something sticking out of it, it's pretty big, it's bigger than the ca-TASTROPHE [sic] that my mom kept by the sink when I was little." without triggering SCP-4871. D-0000 then instructed to say "Cac-", wait 5 seconds, then "-tus." Subject complies, triggering SCP-4871, which impacted the subject's shield 1.4 seconds after vocal trigger. Standard post-test maintenance procedures performed successfully.

5) D-0000, wearing standard D-Class clothing and kevlar gloves, wielding a 1000mm by 1000mm by 50mm steel plate attached to the left forearm, and wearing a backpack containing 2 steel balls massing 15kg connected by a steel chain massing 2kg instructed to enter SCP-4871's containment chamber and lay the weights across one side of SCP-4871. Subject does so without issue. Subject then instructed to stand about one pace [sic] from SCP-4871 and say "cactus." After 2.3 seconds, SCP-4871 impacts SCP-4871-1's shield hard enough to stagger the subject and embed SCP-4871 on the shield. D-0000 vocalizes distress and begins to remove the shield strap. Two containment specialists dispatched to remove SCP-4871 from the shield and recover the weights. D-0000 complains of pain in the left arm and shoulder and is sent to medical.

6) A voice recorder is placed in the containment chamber and set to play a recording of Researcher █████████ saying "You are a cactus". SCP-4871 impacts the voice recorder after 0.8 seconds. Recorder destroyed. Standard post-test maintenance procedures performed successfully.]

Footnotes

1. [So far, this phenomenon occurs regardless of the spoken language. Testing has found SCP-4871’s activation trigger to be valid in 43 different languages.]

2. [Analysis of high speed footage shows that the spines will change alignment to continue facing SCP-4871-1 despite any lateral evasive action.]

3. [Testing shows that the center of mass of SCP-4871 will take the most straight line path to the region of SCP-4871-1 that produced the sound, regardless of material blocking SCP-4871’s path.]