Zzuxon's sandbox
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Resources: ████
https://www.reddit.com/r/SCPDeclassified/comments/7mb5mv/a_modern_introduction_to_the_scp_foundation_part/

http://www.scp-wiki.net/history-of-the-universe-hub

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https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=237389&picture=christmas-card-vintage-santa

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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The 22 known SCP-XXXX instances are to be contained in a standard small item locker. Any further discovered instances are to be contained in the same fashion. Individuals without scrotums are to be preferred for handling SCP-XXXX instances outside of controlled tests.

A memetic tattoo designed to make the effects of SCP-XXXX imperceptible is currently under development. When this tattoo design is complete, it will be given to all individuals affected by SCP-XXXX. Until then, affected personnel are to understand that revealing their genitalia to non-Foundation personnel is a breach of the Veil Protocol and thus forbidden.

Description: SCP-XXXX collectively designates 22 small keychains. They are flattened ovoids in shape and composed of white plastic. On one side is a button; on the other side are the words "ballsack zipper by dado" handwritten in permanent marker. Disassembly of an instance has revealed electronic components of indeterminate purposes and no apparent power source; with the instance in question failing to function after reassembly. 

When an individual with a scrotum presses the button of an SCP-XXXX instance, a zipper will manifest on that individual's scrotum; the scrotum-bearer is henceforth designated an SCP-XXXX-A instance. Though the zippers are consistently made with plastic teeth, their other qualities1 vary from indivdual to individual; whether or not these variations have any significance is unknown. Use of an SCP-XXXX instance has no apparent effect for scrotumless individuals or those who are already SCP-XXXX-A instances.

These zippers, when opened, do not access the interior of the SCP-XXXX-A instance's scrotum. Instead, they access a featureless, dark, pocket dimension (Designated SCP-XXXX-B). Probing this space causes the SCP-XXXX-A instance to feel a slight pressure on their testes and the interior of their scrotal skin, but no evidence of an actual force being applied to these organs has been found. Any object large enough to fit through the zipper can be inserted into SCP-XXXX-B. If the zipper is closed and reopened the object will no longer be visible. However, if the zipper is opened by the SCP-XXXX-A instance with the specific intent of retrieving the item, the item will be visible near the opening and easily retrievable. An upper limit to the number of objects storable inside an SCP-XXXX-A instance's scrotum has yet to be found.

Addendum - Interview: While responding to an incident caused by another anomaly connected to parapharmocologist and Person of Interest "dado," researcher Terry Silva received a text message from dado. After dado had provided information on the current situation, Silva asked him if he would be willing to answer questions about other items, and dado agreed to do so. The portion of this exchange which discusses SCP-XXXX is included below.

Ok, next I'd like to ask you about your "ballsack zipper" product. Is that fine?

yes ballsack zipper by dado is fine, like all fine dado products. dado won't give out dado trade secrets, but will answer upon other questions yes.

Ok. So, why did you make them? Where did the idea come from?

dado invented ballsack zippers after thinking about the ladie's. you are fellow, yes?

I'm a man if that's what you mean.

ok so we are both knowing that when women are not using their virginias for making the babies

pushing out the babies

unleashing the blood

and such, they are using them to store the small objetcs.

To store small objects?

yes. example being the coins

the chapstick

the cigarettes (you want to quit smoking? try no smoke powder by dado, available at dado general store and grown-up movie theater)

the car keys and such yes. (watch for fine dado brand feminine hygiene products, coming soon to the bathrooms of fine dado businesses and also dado discount furniture outlet.)

Uhh, OK, continue.

so dado is proud feminist, want equality for sexes. dado also very fine businessman and entree manure, wants to fill unfilled market needs. So dado make ballsack zipper by dado.

I see. I was also wondering if it was possible to reverse the effects, take the zipper off and return the scrotum to its original state?

you are wanting to do this? you are dissatisfied by dado zipper on your balls? you want refund?

I haven't actually used it, for one. But the people that have would like to put their scrotums back to normal. Your product works fine, I guess, they just don't want a zipper on their scrotum all the time.

hmm

dado is not knowing why customers would want to take out the zipper.

dado uses his all the time.

but dado is knowing many business tips and wisdoms, including "the customer never left." so dado will add this feature.

You'll add this feature? What exactly do you mean by that?

soon dado will kjjuggybftc654rdexcvvb klkop; robert mitchell no=[[]p98yt65rdew3q keyboard not for hamsters /,ojuytrdxsawq1esdfg dont press that

The line of communication disconnected at this point.

UPDATE - 7/23/20: A routine check of safe class anomalies revealed that all contained SCP-XXXX instances had been modified over night to include a smaller second button on their edge. Security footage shows no one accessing the storage locker over that period. Also found in the locker was a handwritten note, which read:

by popular demand, dado updates the ballsack zippers. new button on side takes off zipper and also do extra bonus feature dado thought of last night after drinking special dado cough syrup.

Testing of SCP-XXXX's new feature has not yet taken place.