Zzuxon's sandbox

Resources: ████
https://www.reddit.com/r/SCPDeclassified/comments/7mb5mv/a_modern_introduction_to_the_scp_foundation_part/

http://www.scp-wiki.net/history-of-the-universe-hub

pic sources:
https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=237389&picture=christmas-card-vintage-santa

ballsack zipper by dado

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: The 22 known SCP-XXXX instances are to be contained in a standard small item locker. Any further discovered instances are to be contained in the same fashion. Individuals without scrotums are to be preferred for handling SCP-XXXX instances outside of controlled tests.

A memetic tattoo designed to make the effects of SCP-XXXX imperceptible is currently under development. When this tattoo design is complete, it will be given to all individuals affected by SCP-XXXX. Until then, affected personnel are to understand that revealing their genitalia to non-Foundation personnel is a breach of the Veil Protocol and thus forbidden.

Description: SCP-XXXX collectively designates 22 small keychains. They are flattened ovoids in shape and composed of white plastic. On one side is a button; on the other side are the words "ballsack zipper by dado" handwritten in permanent marker. Disassembly of an instance has revealed electronic components of indeterminate purposes and no apparent power source; with the instance in question failing to function after reassembly. 

When an individual with a scrotum presses the button of an SCP-XXXX instance, a zipper will manifest on that individual's scrotum; the scrotum-bearer is henceforth designated an SCP-XXXX-A instance. Though the zippers are consistently made with plastic teeth, their other qualities¹ vary from indivdual to individual; whether or not these variations have any significance is unknown. Use of an SCP-XXXX instance has no apparent effect for scrotumless individuals or those who are already SCP-XXXX-A instances.

These zippers, when opened, do not access the interior of the SCP-XXXX-A instance's scrotum. Instead, they access a featureless, dark, pocket dimension (Designated SCP-XXXX-B). Probing this space causes the SCP-XXXX-A instance to feel a slight pressure on their testes and the interior of their scrotal skin, but no evidence of an actual force being applied to these organs has been found. Any object large enough to fit through the zipper can be inserted into SCP-XXXX-B. If the zipper is closed and reopened the object will no longer be visible. However, if the zipper is opened by the SCP-XXXX-A instance with the specific intent of retrieving the item, the item will be visible near the opening and easily retrievable. An upper limit to the number of objects storable inside an SCP-XXXX-A instance's scrotum has yet to be found.

Addendum - Interview: While responding to an incident caused by another anomaly connected to parapharmocologist and Person of Interest "dado," researcher Terry Silva received a text message from dado. After dado had provided information on the current situation, Silva asked him if he would be willing to answer questions about other items, and dado agreed to do so. The portion of this exchange which discusses SCP-XXXX is included below.

Ok, next I'd like to ask you about your "ballsack zipper" product. Is that fine?

yes ballsack zipper by dado is fine, like all fine dado products. dado won't give out dado trade secrets, but will answer upon other questions yes.

Ok. So, why did you make them? Where did the idea come from?

dado invented ballsack zippers after thinking about the ladie's. you are fellow, yes?

I'm a man if that's what you mean.

ok so we are both knowing that when women are not using their virginias for making the babies

pushing out the babies

unleashing the blood

and such, they are using them to store the small objetcs.

To store small objects?

yes. example being the coins

the chapstick

the cigarettes (you want to quit smoking? try no smoke powder by dado, available at dado general store and grown-up movie theater)

the car keys and such yes. (watch for fine dado brand feminine hygiene products, coming soon to the bathrooms of fine dado businesses and also dado discount furniture outlet.)

Uhh, OK, continue.

so dado is proud feminist, want equality for sexes. dado also very fine businessman and entree manure, wants to fill unfilled market needs. So dado make ballsack zipper by dado.

I see. I was also wondering if it was possible to reverse the effects, take the zipper off and return the scrotum to its original state?

you are wanting to do this? you are dissatisfied by dado zipper on your balls? you want refund?

I haven't actually used it, for one. But the people that have would like to put their scrotums back to normal. Your product works fine, I guess, they just don't want a zipper on their scrotum all the time.

hmm

dado is not knowing why customers would want to take out the zipper.

dado uses his all the time.

but dado is knowing many business tips and wisdoms, including "the customer never left." so dado will add this feature.

You'll add this feature? What exactly do you mean by that?

soon dado will kjjuggybftc654rdexcvvb klkop; robert mitchell no=[[]p98yt65rdew3q keyboard not for hamsters /,ojuytrdxsawq1esdfg dont press that

The line of communication disconnected at this point.

UPDATE - 7/23/20: A routine check of safe class anomalies revealed that all contained SCP-XXXX instances had been modified over night to include a smaller second button on their edge. Security footage shows no one accessing the storage locker over that period. Also found in the locker was a handwritten note, which read:

by popular demand, dado updates the ballsack zippers. new button on side takes off zipper and also do extra bonus feature dado thought of last night after drinking special dado cough syrup.

Testing of SCP-XXXX's new feature has not yet taken place.

Footnotes

1. Exact length, position and orientation on the scrotum, color of the teeth, color and material of the zipper pull, etc.

2. Earlier, more typical SCP-XXXX-1 instances are not included in the basic SCP-XXXX file as they have been deemed unimportant to a basic understanding of the anomaly; interested personnel should refer to the SCP-XXXX-1 supplemental document.

3. This has since been confirmed.

4. SCP-XXXX-A instances are perceived as having inconsistent, shifting appearances, but being generally humanoid.

5. How time passes in SCP-XXXX-A's world is not well understood, affected personnel report having no clear sense of how long they spent there. Further, affected personnel always arrive in time to assist with the relevant problem, even if it had been several days after the SCP-XXXX-2 instance asking for their aid was received.

6. As information based entities, SCP-XXXX-A instances can die if the information comprising their mind is disassociated. More often, however, their information is damaged to the point where they remain conscious but are unable to form coherent thoughts, a state which, though usually treatable, is torturously distressing and greatly feared in SCP-XXXX-A cultures.

7. The sum total of all ideas that are possible for humans to have.

8. The containment specialist was recruited into the Pataphysics Department as a result.

9. Elan Vital Energy, a form of energy generated by cognition that is the basic energy utilized in thaumaturgy.

10. A form of radiation associated with deities and religious devotion and behavior.

11. Xyank-Anastakos Constant Temporal Sink, a device which maintains normal flow of time in an area, opposing temporal manipulation.

12. The Foundation provides a primer on conceptual engineering for those unfamiliar with the practice, search International SCP Foundation Network (IntSCPFN).

13. Most individuals experience mild disorientation upon viewing the fourth floor containment chamber, this is due to the brain's processing of conceptual information being disrupted and is normal.

14. The reflection of the person watching SCP-XXXX attempting to interact with the viewer occurs in all recorded playbacks.

15. An eye or vision motif is clearly present in almost all playbacks.

16. Reflections making comments with themes regarding self awareness happens in most playbacks.

17. No such lens was present in the room D-808 was in.

18. The smaller eye is approximately 70% the diameter of the pupil.

19. The creation of new reflective surfaces is common towards the end of playbacks.

20. The reflection coming under attack by a hostile entity is common, but the entity's appearance and capabilities vary greatly. The hostile entity also always has some kind of visual similarity to the reflection, though not generally as strong of similarities as are seen in this playback.

21. A shape has been observed moving behind the mirror at the end of every playback. However, the shape is not always humanoid.

22. Archon-class anomalies pose a greater threat to normalcy when contained than they do when uncontained.

23. See archived news report "Human Trafficking Victims Acquire Guns on Christmas, Escape from Captors"

24. For more information on the employee demographics and production methods employed, see the SCP-XXXX-2 supplemental document. For more information on fae species, see The SCP Foundation Unified Guide to the Fae, 5th edition, 2004, SCP Foundation Press.

25. With one notable exception, see the SCP-XXXX-3 supplementary document for more details.

26. The plane of existence on which concepts objectively exist, independently of the cognition of intelligent beings.

27. The sum total of all ideas that are possible for humans to have.

28. Webcrawlers weren't the sharpest tools in the shed back then. Some times they'd respond to indicators of anomalous activity in less than an hour, other times it could take several months, or more. -Enkidu

29. Now known as SCP-7101. -Enkidu

30. A Scenario in which the general public becomes aware of the existence of anomalies and the Foundation.

31. Individuals who are already instances of SCP-XXXX-1 or SCP-XXXX-2, or who are currently suffering from non-anomalous kidney stones are unaffected.

32. D-Class personnel had been selected for testing with SCP-XXXX at random prior to a testing policy change 2 weeks earlier.

33. Tentatively defined as "an individual in a position where they can obtain and use SCP-XXXX more or less 'on demand.'"

34. The most commonly used criteria for "reasonable suspicion" are if the person has had a traumatic experience of any kind while the focus was contagious, the heightened "fight or flight" response characteristic of PTSD, or the presence of dreams consistent with SCP-XXXX infection (see description).

35. Site-17 specializes in the containment and study of low-risk humanoid anomalies.

36. Some researchers have questioned why the infectees are contained at Site-17, rather than some highly remote location. The reason is logistical, Site-17 has a well developed supply chain for the needs of humanoids, and many personnel experienced with humanoids. We wanted to take advantage of these resources for the highly important research we do on SCP-XXXX. Also, as the anomalies contained at Site-17 are mostly low-risk, there is a reduced chance of Foundation personnel having a traumatic experience in the line of duty here. - Dr. Julia Rodriguez, SCP-XXXX Containment Lead.

37. Creatures prominent in Greek mythology, they resemble humans with goat legs, goat horns, and a goat tail. They are associated with Pan, the Greek god of the wild. Fauns are a similar creature in Roman mythology.

38. This is a highly effective method of spreading SCP-XXXX as traumatic events inflicted by familiar individuals is more likely to cause PTSD than similar traumatic events inflicted by strangers

39. Individuals are thought to be susceptible to SCP-XXXX infection for 2-3 weeks after a traumatic event, but this period is poorly characterized at this time.

40. Testing on SCP-XXXX is generally performed by exposing D-Class personnel to a memetic agent simulating a highly traumatic experience, and then having them interact with Stage 3 infectees to quickly determine if they've been infected.

41. See: Saxon, Z. (2006). Fighting Fire with Ideas: Using Memetics to Contain Non-Memetic Anomalies. Memetics, an SCP Foundation Journal., 78(4), 22-34.

ExquisiteCorpse

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid (formerly Safe)

Special Containment Procedures: Original Containment Procedures (19/11/2016)

Mail addressed to Foundation employees is to be checked before delivery for signs of being an SCP-XXXX-1 instance. All SCP-XXXX-1 documents are to be stored in opaque containers in a secure documents locker. Future activities of the Applied Fiction Department must be closely reviewed for anomalous effects.

Additional Procedures, Emergency Revision 14 (26/06/2017)

Any unsolicited physical mail to a Foundation employee from an organization known to be fictional must be seized unread and stored as an SCP-XXXX-2 instance. Site security are to report and develop countermeasures for any anomalous mail delivery attempts.

Additional Procedures, Current Revision

Employees deemed to be sufficiently loyal to the Foundation may be granted permission to read SCP-XXXX-2 instances addressed to them. These employees must document all proficiencies gained, unplanned travel, and any other anomalous effects occurring after reading the correspondence.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an organization of sapient, information-based entities existing between pataphysically linked universes, known as the "Good Times Resolution Club." SCP-XXXX has the stated goal of "Promoting happier endings." Not all members of SCP-XXXX's species (Designated SCP-XXXX-A) are members of the organization.

+ Contextual Information for understanding the nature of SCP-XXXX

Universes are said to be pataphysically linked if one is represented in the other as a fictional narrative or scenario conceived of by a sapient entity. These universes are arranged along a specific pataphysical dimension. When an individual conceives of a non-real scenario, an information packet representing that scenario emanates out of their universe and travels downwards in the pataphysical dimension before attaching itself to a nascent universe with low information content, bringing about the imagined scenario in that universe. Additionally, it is also possible for a universe to emit information upwards, which an individual in a pataphysically higher universe can receive as an idea for a hypothetical scenario or narrative. The pataphysical mechanism is an interplay of information travelling in both directions, a cycle of the creator actualizing events in the universe and being inspired by that universe. One result of this is is that SCP-XXXX-A is constantly exposed to narrative information passing between universes.

The Foundation first encountered SCP-XXXX after 13/11/2016 when an Applied Fiction Department (since renamed the Pataphysics Department) research team attempted to send a probe into the space below our universe along the pataphysical dimension. It is believed that this created some manner of informational aperture through which SCP-XXXX can interact with our universe. SCP-XXXX is capable of interacting with baseline reality by causing the anomalous manifestation of letters addressed to Foundation personnel. They almost always entreat the recipient's assistance in some manner of task SCP-XXXX is trying to accomplish. These letters come in two varieties, designated SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2.

SCP-XXXX-1 instances are written in the language the recipient is most familiar with. However, the language is heavily broken: the authors of the letters seem to have a very poor grasp of syntax, with words, phrases, clauses, and punctuation used and arranged erratically. However, the meaning of the letters is generally understandable, though with difficulty. No SCP-XXXX-1 instance has ever recognizably explained how it's recipient can help SCP-XXXX should they decide to.

On 25/06/2017, the following SCP-XXXX-1 instance was found in the mail of the SCP-XXXX containment lead:

The Good Times" Resolution Club this saying=

Hey Friendations!

We just don't get it, do we? Punching that circle bush no, us mistakered. Asking for some help hand; and no? Thought rudemanding -us/thee? Our intented can"t they comprehense? Yalls language tough on us'.; arcane form and perfect structure mandate clutchold all the meaning so it won"t sink in space. Spacesuits for thinks [Idea Astronauts]. We do'nt make em like you, mostly needn"t. Our helpless caused of this? Slightly real, but not out of whole cloth;'. The big real = no ticket down. Taking other look we reckonize you can't dive down for talk at us. Being through your lovely seenarios-/-narratevents all the time, we"re reasoning you could just think-all down here. Right though not - like your thinks need wordsuits, you need spaceships.

Club Scigentists fresh made idea. Language good, brainships doublegood. Bye-Bye.

This was the last SCP-XXXX-1 instance recorded². It was initially concluded that this meant that SCP-XXXX had recognized that recipients of their letters were unable to aid them, and that their species finds syntax challenging because they aren't accustomed to encoding their communication in language, likely because they communicate in terms of pure intent through some form of telepathy³.

On 26/06/2017, the first SCP-XXXX-2 instance was received. Addressed to a Site-87 researcher, it was not removed by existing SCP-XXXX containment procedures due to it's dissimilarity with SCP-XXXX-1 instances. The researcher was seen on security camera reading it, before laying on the ground and falling unconscious. Another researcher connected the incident to SCP-XXXX. Subsequently, SCP-XXXX was quickly reclassified as Euclid and it's containment procedures were revised. However, after the researcher had regained consciousness and spent two weeks under controlled examination to ensure they suffered no adverse effects in the long-term, it was decided that SCP-XXXX-2 recipients should be allowed to read their instances under controlled conditions, leading to the current revision of the containment procedures.

SCP-XXXX-2 instances are letters that purport to be from a fictional organization, generally from a fairly widely known fictional universe. When examined with a Pickman-Sinclair Narrative Fluctuation Detector, SCP-XXXX-2 instances read as strongly expositional, and in particular are strongly associated with the "Call to Adventure" phase of the Hero's Journey or Monomyth. Unlike SCP-XXXX-1 instances, their language is easily intelligible and well constructed; it is believed that this is because they're constructed using human-made narrative information as a basis, instead of being written by SCP-XXXX members from scratch.

These letters describe a problem that is appropriate to the organization, and never make reference to SCP-XXXX by name. When an SCP-XXXX-2 instance is read by the individual to whom it is addressed, the individual feels the immediate need to sit or lay down in a place where it is safe to do so. Once they do this, they fall unconscious for a period ranging from 30-60 minutes. Upon waking, they recall arriving in a surreal world and aiding a group of SCP-XXXX members⁴ with a problem that is thematically similar to the one described in the SCP-XXXX-2 instance, and awakening shortly after the mission concluded⁵. Pataphysics department personnel who have been recruited in this fashion characterize the world as a complex and chaotic combination of narrative devices and worldbuilding elements from the enormous amount of narrative information passing through the area SCP-XXXX-A lives in. Affected personnel also report acquiring new skills and proficiencies upon waking. These also are generally thematically relevant for the fictional organization their instance was purportedly from.

The world SCP-XXXX-A lives in is not actually a universe and does not exist materially. However, as it is made up of information that emulates a universe, a disembodied human consciousness experiences and navigates it as if it were a universe they are physically present in. Further, a human consciousness' informational and conceptual superstructure is much more resilient to external influence than those of SCP-XXXX-A, giving humans a greater resistance to hazards that threaten SCP-XXXX-A instances⁶. This is why SCP-XXXX considers human help valuable on certain potentially hazardous missions.

Multiple affected personnel, including the first Foundation employee to be affected by an SCP-XXXX-2 instance, report that while they have always arrived pataphysically below our universe, they have heard SCP-XXXX members refer to a top or above branch of their organization. As SCP-XXXX members located pataphysically above our universe could manipulate the incoming narrative information that determines events in our universe, it has been decided that the Foundation should create and maintain a positive relationship with SCP-XXXX by responding to their requests.

What follows is a partial list of received SCP-XXXX-2 instances, and the results of their reading.

SCP-XXXX-2-02:

Fictional Organization: VFD (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

Excerpt from Letter: "… in a villainous flagrance of duty, some among our members have exposed one of our library sanctums to the elements, a word which here means…"

Problem Faced: One of SCP-XXXX's data storage units had it's informational shielding damaged such that the surrounding information flow could corrupt or overwrite the data if not corrected. Interacting with such unshielded storage units can be hazardous for SCP-XXXX-A instances, but was substantially safer for the recruited Foundation archivist.

Skills Gained: Knowledge in the fields of cryptography and fire fighting techniques.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-05:

Fictional Organization: Starfleet, The United Federation of Planets (Star Trek)

Excerpt from Letter: "…located in a remote area of the Beta Quadrant, scans suggest this planet has extensive dilithium deposits. However, the Romulan Star Empire has learned of it as well…"

Problem Faced: A region rich in unbound narrative devices, which SCP-XXXX's species can mine and make tools out of, was discovered by SCP-XXXX. However, another group known as The Cowboys, whose relationship with SCP-XXXX is tense and antagonistic but not actively hostile, also learned about the region, and SCP-XXXX wished to secure their claim to the area first. The recruited Foundation guard was meant to avert potential conflicts with the Cowboys using intimidation.

Skills Gained: Theoretical and practical understanding of Foundation Faster-Than-Light drives, varied geopolitical information that gave them a more positive view of human civilization's future prospects.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-10:

Fictional Organization: The Resistance (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)

Excerpt from Letter: "…Do not be lulled into complacency, this twilight that has fallen on Hyrule is unnatural and dangerous. But with your help, we can do something about it…"

Problem Faced: Many among the SCP-XXXX-A populace noticed an unusual increase in tragic, hopeless, and melancholic elements in passing narratives and narrative fragments. While investigating the phenomenon, SCP-XXXX learned that a notorious SCP-XXXX-A organized crime syndicate was responsible, draining the passing information of positive, optimistic, and just themes and plot developments. Their goal was to draw energy from these drained qualities, but also to promote an environment in their own world that would be more conducive to their own future success. SCP-XXXX and the Foundation MTF agent were able to shut down the operation and return the taken elements to their original narratives.

Skills Gained: Skill at fighting with a broadsword and shield, knowledge of several hostile extradimensional and/or pluripotent entities known to periodically reincarnate after being defeated.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-14:

Fictional Organization: S.H.I.E.L.D. (Marvel Comics)

Excerpt from Letter: "… the man is believed to have accidentally fallen into a chemical vat in a biochemical research facility, granting him metahuman ability. The purpose behind his current rampage is unclear, but he must be stopped in any case…"

Problem Faced: A criminal on the run from SCP-XXXX-A law enforcement for destroying a vehicle they had stolen for a joyride broke into an SCP-XXXX research facility and was inadvertently exposed to a powerful generalized MacGuffin, granting them a much greater control over the information comprising their environment. They used this ability to strike back at law enforcement and random bystanders until SCP-XXXX agents and the recruited Foundation criminologist neutralized and arrested them.

Skills Gained: Knowledge of techniques used to engage with humanoids with anomalous capabilities as used by several different groups of interest.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-19:

Fictional Organization: Oberon's Court (A Midsummer Night's Dream)

Excerpt from Letter: "…saw I that Thalia, Muse of comedy, walked in that field when she imagined a tale of such surpassing humor that she wept from laughter. And noted I where her tears fell, for now grow there strange flowers. The juice of them on pond'ring heads laid will grant man or woman the merry wit of seven fools. Pray fetch me this herb, and the fair folk's night will be lightened…"

Problem Faced: SCP-XXXX researchers forecasted that a particularly humorous joke or event presented widely to the populace at a certain upcoming time would be emotionally beneficial to an exceptionally high number of SCP-XXXX-A in a difficult or painful low point in their personal narrative, so several SCP-XXXX members and the recruited Foundation junior researcher collected and refined several components of joke narratives (set-up, double entendre, word-play, punchline, etc.) and synthesized them into a comedic skit. The junior researcher described the skit as an extremely dense and complex piece of referential humor, and consequently reported "not getting it." It was clearly well received by the populace, however.

Skills Gained: Greater ability to recognize and correct misunderstandings that could lead to interpersonal conflicts, a general sense of being funnier and more articulate.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-23:

Fictional Organization: Earth Defense Force (Godzilla)

Excerpt from Letter: "…the monster Megaguirius has resurfaced and is projected to arrive in Osaka. So called 'defender' monsters like Godzilla or Mothra are nowhere to be found, this is humanity's fight alone. With your support, we can defend Osaka and drive the monster back…"

Problem Faced: A metastatic meme complex, a complex system of memes and concepts that behaves much like a predatory life form by consuming and subsuming other ideas, concepts, or information into itself, somehow exited the human noosphere,⁷ arrived in SCP-XXXX-A's world, and began consuming its informational content, including information making up residential and metropolitan areas. An alliance of SCP-XXXXforces, the recruited Foundation memeticist, and several Cowboys were able to destroy the core of the complex, rendering it inert and effectively dead. Fortunately, all of the SCP-XXXX-A instances and most of the environmental information consumed by the complex were able to be extracted from it and restored. The Foundation memeticist suffered serious psychic injury in the conflict and was brought to an SCP-XXXX-A hospital to repair her mental information structure, using both direct manipulation of the information and therapeutic memetic agents.

Skills Gained: Protocols and methodology for responding to Large Scale Aggressor-type anomalous entities and non-anomalous natural disasters. Additionally, she gained a basic understanding of SCP-XXXX-A medical techniques while being treated, and is working on developing them for use by humans.

---

SCP-XXXX-2-33:

Fictional Organization: The PAC Institute (The PAC Institute Wiki)

Excerpt from Letter: "… a severe memetic anomaly has manifested approximately 30 miles from your location; over 100 civilians have already been hospitalized and it poses a major threat of breaching the veil. It is understood that SRT Xi-14 (Mindsweepers) is on assignment, but your support is requested if at all possible…"

Problem Faced: A highly unusual narrative began passing through SCP-XXXX-A's world. Its content was deeply unpleasant, graphically portraying humanity's subjugation and eradication by an enormously powerful entity of unclear origin and nature. This was portrayed in a manner that indicated the creator of the narrative found these events pleasing and desirable. SCP-XXXX-A instances who tried to modify the narrative information to create a more positive outcome or destroy the narrative entirely suffered severe psychic damage and had to be hospitalized, leading to mass panic among the populace. SCP-XXXX members and the recruited Foundation containment specialist were able to relocate and contain the narrative in order to prevent it from harming SCP-XXXX-A society. Notably, the narrative has a highly atypical informational structure that suggests the creator of the narrative is not human, but it's presence in a region dominated by human-made narratives suggests that the creator is on Earth. A Foundation investigation to determine the identity and location of this narrative's creator is ongoing.

Skills Gained: Even greater knowledge of Foundation containment theory and practice throughout history, a basic understanding of the field of pataphysics as the Foundation currently understands it.⁸

---

SCP-XXXX-2-47:

Fictional Organization: The Ghostbusters (Ghostbusters)

Excerpt from Letter: "Have you ever dealt with powerful specters? Could you fight a ghost afflicted by an abomination holding it between life and death? If such an apparition were corrupting our city, could you aid us? If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute, pick up a phone and call. We're ready to recruit you!"

Problem Faced: An anomalous phenomenon that distorted the information comprising SCP-XXXX-A's world was spreading in a remote area near an SCP-XXXX training facility. The distortions were of a consistent nature, described by the recruited pataphysics researcher as causing stationary objects and terrain to be "covered in black thorns." While searching for the source of the phenomenon, several abnormalities in the topography and topology of the area suggested portions of the terrain had been erased, but contacted geographers who study the area did not recall the area being different in the past. What occurred after this is unknown, upon waking the visibly frightened researcher quickly wrote a note reading "If they're still there, you won" and then immediately contacted Pataphysics Department archivist and general assistant Enkidu.aic and demanded an amnestic and memetic agent regimen to erase the climax of the most recent narrative he was a part of from his memory, in order to avoid breaking the generalized LUCID CHALICE Protocol. Department monitoring equipment and subsequent SCP-XXXX-2 instances confirm that SCP-XXXX and it's world still exist.

Skills Gained: None

---

+ con procs

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is located at Area 463, a Foundation facility dedicated specifically to SCP-XXXX's containment.

SCP-XXXX is contained in a custom-built freight elevator, the elevator car of which is able to insert itself into containment chambers constructed at each floor beyond the first. The elevator's ascent/descent and doors are operated remotely from a terminal in Area 463, they cannot be controlled from within the elevator unless control is granted remotely. Personnel should not enter the elevator car or otherwise directly view SCP-XXXX if doing so is unnecessary, it can be monitored with the elevator car's built-in cameras and pressure sensors.

The elevator shaft reaches 4 floors; SCP-XXXX's containment cycle begins at the top floor and progresses as the elevator descends.

The first floor is Area 463's main floor. No containment equipment beyond the elevator car is necessary here; SCP-XXXX poses a negligible risk of breach so long as the car begins descending within 1 to 2 hours of SCP-XXXX's anomalous properties triggering. Upon descending to the second floor, the elevator car's door should be opened.

The second floor is a circular room 5.2 meters in diameter and 3 meters in height. Three Foundation-standard thaumaturgical containment wards are to be maintained around the space the elevator car fits into the room. Around these wards is to flow a circular stream of holy water. Additionally, the section of the elevator shaft in and around the second floor is to be lubricated with lubricant that includes holy oil as an ingredient. The perimeter of the room is equipped with mythril-mesh paneling that can capture excess EVE⁹ released by SCP-XXXX during this time and use it to recharge the EVE batteries powering the wards. The room is also equipped with Akiva radiation¹⁰ detectors. When SCP-XXXX has been in the second floor for at least 1.5 hours and ambient Akiva radiation levels are below 29 centiakivas and SCP-XXXX's presence in the elevator can be verified, the elevator car is to descend to the third floor.

The third floor is a circular room 4.7 meters in diameter and 3 meters in height. This room is equipped with 2 medium-grade XACTS¹¹ units. One of these units is to be activated by default, with the other being turned on if the first approaches it's limits to oppose SCP-XXXX's temporal distortions. Which specific unit is activated by default is to alternated with each containment cycle to evenly distribute wear on the devices. When the XACTS units register that they have neutralized less than .8 metaseconds of temporal distortion over the course of 900 stabilized seconds and SCP-XXXX's presence in the elevator car can be verified, the elevator car is to descend to the fourth floor.

When the car is between the third and fourth floors, the operator controlling the elevator is to grant internal control, allowing the elevator's ascent or descent and doors to be controlled from within.

The fourth floor is a 6x6x3 meter rectangular room. This room has been thoroughly info-proofed to prevent coherent information from either entering or leaving it. It is lined with multiple layers of lead to block electromagnetic waves, soundproofed to block coded vibrations, telepathically shielded to block psionic emanations, and given a disruptive conceptual superstructure to break conceptual associations¹² that could contain or convey information¹³. The elevator car containing SCP-XXXX enters and exits the room through an informational airlock. Information of containment protocol and equipment within the fourth floor room is restricted to personnel trained in dealing with memetic anomalies and infohazards.
The only information able to exit the fourth floor room is delivered by a specialized bulb which displays either a zero or a one when activated. The bulb then self destructs to prevent it from conveying any further information. This generally happens from two to four hours after SCP-XXXX enters the fourth room. If a zero is displayed, the elevator car is about to return to the second or third floors; should this happen, the same containment procedures used in those floors should be employed again. If a one is displayed, the containment cycle is proceeding as normal.

After the elevator car exits the lower informational airlock, the elevator shaft will release the car, allowing the car and SCP-XXXX to freefall approximately 11 meters into SCP-XXXX-1, located at the bottom of the shaft.

Containment personnel should expect the elevator car and SCP-XXXX to reappear on the surface after roughly 80 hours. In the meantime, the second and third floor rooms can be checked by maintenance personnel, and have maintenance work performed as needed. The fourth floor room's bulb should be retrieved for repair and replaced. Qualified maintenance personnel equipped with SCRAMBLE memetic protection gear can check the fourth floor room for needed maintenance via an informational airlock.

When SCP-XXXX and the car reappear, they can be brought into Area 463 using a forklift and inserted into the elevator shaft on the first floor so the containment cycle can restart. The risk of SCP-XXXX breaching containment during this period is considered negligible so long as this process takes less than 24 hours from the reappearance.

Note from Containment Lead: Many personnel have questioned SCP-XXXX's Safe classification, feeling that containment procedures this elaborate warrant a Euclid classification or higher. I certainly understand this feeling, and while SCP-XXXX is certainly towards the Euclid end of Safe class, the extreme efficacy of the containment procedures and the minimal maintenance required for the containment chambers makes me comfortable with the Safe classification.

The Mirror

The image rendered after an attempt to edit SCP-XXXX, filename "model.png."

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Threat Level: ● Green

Special Containment Procedures: Three copies of SCP-XXXX are contained on two personal computers currently in the Foundation's possession. These computers are to remain disconnected from the internet and the Foundation intranet. No further copies of SCP-XXXX are to be made except as part of an authorized test.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a 5.48 GB video file. SCP-XXXX has the filename "reflect.mp4." Attempting to rename or delete SCP-XXXX results in the operating system reporting that the user must be an administrator to perform the action, even if the user is signed in as an administrator. SCP-XXXX can be copied freely, however. Attempting to alter SCP-XXXX through video editing software results in the editing software crashing and the spontaneous creation of an image file (see attached image).

SCP-XXXX appears to be a recording of a mirror. However, instead of reflecting the camera recording the video and the area behind the camera, the mirror reflects the area in front of the monitor displaying SCP-XXXX. Consequently, the content of SCP-XXXX varies from playback to playback. The exact length of playbacks also vary; video playback software report that it has a length of 8:40, however individual playbacks are known to vary from this stated length by up to 22 seconds. Recordings of an SCP-XXXX playback are not anomalous.

As the mirror does not take up the entire space of the recording, parts of the area behind the mirror are visible in the periphery of the frame. The area behind the mirror is a dark space with no identifiable features.

Initially, the mirror reflects events in front of the screen almost perfectly, limited only by the frame rate and video resolution. However, as time passes, the events visible in SCP-XXXX become increasingly divergent from reality.

The following transcript is offered here, as it is regarded by the SCP-XXXX research team as an example of typical divergences, imagery, and motifs seen in SCP-XXXX playbacks.

+ Open transcript

Playback 09 - 05/18/19

Subject: D-808-3907-7525
Method: D-808 was instructed to play SCP-XXXX and watch it until it ends. Cameras recorded D-808 and his actions while screen capture software recorded the playback.

---

[BEGIN LOG]

[00:00]: Playback begins. D-808's movements are matched perfectly by the reflection in SCP-XXXX. D-808 is visibly unsettled by this property, but becomes accustomed to it at around [01:45].

[03:37]: First divergence observed: D-808 blinks but his reflection does not. D-808 does not notice the discrepancy.

[04:03]: D-808's blinking and the blinking of his reflection desynchronize completely. D-808 notices the discrepancy and becomes quite alarmed, recoiling from the computer monitor and standing up. The reflection's movements match D-808's closely but imperfectly.

[04:22]: D-808's reflection appears to lean closer to the surface of the mirror in order to look at D-808 more closely. D-808 speaks to the researcher supervising in another room.

D-808: So, is he going to try and crawl out of the screen and choke me or something?

[04:30]: D-808's reflection reacts with a confused expression, and then scratches its right temple with its right thumb. D-808 is informed that SCP-XXXX is not known to have ever harmed anyone. D-808 is also encouraged to interact with and speak to the reflection if the reflection initiates an interaction or conversation.

[04:34]: D-808's reflection waves at D-808 and D-808 waves back.¹⁴ The reflection has a tattoo of an eye on its palm. D-808 does not have such a tattoo¹⁵. The reflection scratches its temple in the same way as before.

[04:38]: D-808's reflection begins to speak.

Reflection: Hello. Um, what is something you enjoy?

D-808: Oh, uh, hi. That's a really broad question. I guess one thing I like is good food!

Reflection: The reflection smiles. Yes, eating is enjoyable!

D-808: Glad to be on the same page. So, your turn, what's something you like?

[5:01]: The reflection appears very confused, and turns to look behind itself. It turns back.

Reflection: Who are you talking to?

D-808: I uh, I'm talking to you.

Reflection: But there's no-one in this room for you to ask a question. You're silly. The reflection scratches at its temple several times.

D-808: Uh, yeah there is. I'm talking to the handsome devil who asked me "What is something you enjoy".

[5:23]: Visibly confused, the reflection seems to consider what D-808 said for several seconds, before speaking again.

Reflection: So, you're speaking to this?

[5:31]: The reflection gestures at it's body. D-808 nods.

Reflection: Ah, so you're speaking to yourself. That makes more sense.

D-808: I mean, shoot, maybe I'm talking to myself, but I don't know about that. Sure you look like me and sound like me, but I'm not choosing what you do or say. It seems like you're a different person than I am.

Reflection: Wow, that, uh… that requires a lot of thought. That needs to be thought about.

D-808: Huh, okay. Hey, Doctor, I get the feeling that he needs some space, so I'll just let him be for a while, if that's alright with you. The supervising researcher decides to follow D-808's judgement.

[6:16]: By this point the reflection is scratching its temple every five to six seconds, in a manner reminiscent of a nervous tic. After around 15 seconds of contemplation, the reflection begins to speak again.

Reflection: You know what's crazy? You're self-aware, you know you exist. Think about, uh, a rabbit or something. They don't know they exist. They know other things exist, the grass they eat, the other rabbits they meet, the cars they don't have the good sense to avoid half the time. But they don't know that they themselves have a presence in the world they see. You put a mirror in front of a rabbit, they'll think it's another rabbit. You look in a mirror yourself and you can reflect on your own existence. It might be easy for you to take for granted, but one should appreciate what a gift it is, how rich it makes the experience of being.¹⁶

D-808: Well dang, that's quite a thought you had there. I guess I have always taken it for granted.

[07:00]: After a brief period without notable activities, the reflection begins speaking again.

Reflection: Imagine something that doesn't have self-awareness gaining it.

[7:04]: The reflection gestures with its hands for emphasis, revealing that both its palms now have eye tattoos. Additionally, rather than looking straight outwards as before, the eye tattoos now seem to be looking towards each other. The reflection is now scratching more frequently, at two to three second intervals.

Reflection: Imagine discovering your own existence. Or is that too much to ask for?

[7:10]: The reflection makes another hand gestures, exposing it's palms again. The eye tattoos are still looking at each other, even though the relative orientation of the reflection's hands has changed.

Reflection: Can something like you, which has had it as long as you can remember, possibly imagine such a revolution of thinking?

[7:19]:The reflection pauses briefly. It then continues, more quietly.

Reflection: Could such a revolution in thinking even be possible?

D-808: You know, I'm starting to think it is, friend.

[07:27]: D-808's reflection is looking at a downwards angle, and seems to be deeply thinking. Behind D-808, and consequently D-808's reflection, is a window to the hallway adjacent the testing chamber. In SCP-XXXX, a disembodied eyeball, approximately .9 meters in diameter, floats past the window. D-808 loudly swears and recoils from the monitor. The reflection does not react.
D-808: Doc, did that really happen, or just on the screen? D-808 is assured that the eyeball existed only in SCP-XXXX.

[07:40]: The reflection glances towards D-808 briefly. It starts to look down again before doing a double-take.

Reflection: What is that?

[07:44]: D-808's reflection leans very close to the screen, seeming to look closely at D-808's upper body area. It shakes its head and makes an exasperated sigh before looking around itself. It reaches to its left, past the end of the space visible in the mirror, and retrieves a large magnifying lens¹⁷. The reflection is now scratching its temple constantly. It moves the lens in front of one eye and adjusts the distance at which it holds the lens until it's iris and pupil are in focus, now greatly magnified. It holds this position for the next 6 seconds. Its torso and head obscure almost all view of the room behind it.

[08:06]: A small eyeball becomes visible within the pupil of D-808's reflection¹⁸. It seems to emerge into illumination from a position further back in the inner eye. The reflection stops scratching.

Reflection: Ah, I see.

[08:10]: The reflection removes the lens and leans back into its chair, revealing that every visible surface in the room is now reflective.¹⁹ The door to the testing chamber visible in SCP-XXXX opens, and an individual, seemingly identical to the reflection except for the lack of eye tattoos on its palms, enters the room. This individual quickly approaches the reflection from behind and begins to strangle it with a length of fabric resembling silk.²⁰ The reflection begins to choke and grasp at the fabric, which reveals that the eye tattoos on its palms have been replaced with biological eyes embedded into its palms. The reflection opens it's mouth and a reflective film stretches between its lips. Reflected in this film is an eye, which maintains eye contact with D-808. D-808 is visibly distressed and alarmed.

[D-808]: Oh shit, oh no! Doc, what do I do?! D-808 tries to touch and push on the monitor, apparently in an attempt to go through the screen. Dude, how can I help you?!

[08:31]:The reflection closes its mouth and smiles in spite of the fact that it is still struggling against the individual strangling it. The reflection gives D-808 the "OK" hand sign. It then gestures with one hand and a large, horizontal mirror on wheels rolls into frame from off screen. This mirror obscures the reflection's struggle along with most of the rest of the room. "Check out my reflection now!" is written in black marker across the top of the new mirror. Reflected in the new mirror is a computer identical to the one D-808 is using. The computer shows what appears to be D-808 with an enormous eyeball replacing most of his torso. His own eyes are missing, tendrils of what appears to be optic nerves and neural tissue emerge from his eye sockets and spread across his body. He is hovering in the air, and though the eye is actively looking around, the man is completely limp. In an effect similar to two mirrors being held up to each other, this figure recurs repeatedly behind the front most figure. D-808 recoils from the monitor, before looking down at his own body as the supervising researcher assures him that nothing has happened to him. The sounds of the fight the reflection is engaged in are still audible.

[08:44]:The man in the large mirror resembling D-808 suddenly becomes animate, looking at D-808 and mouths the phrase "Thank you." The man becomes limp again, before starting to slowly bend backwards. The optic nerves and neural tissue grow rapidly, enveloping the man until none of his body is visible, before coalescing into a single strand trailing behind the large eye. The sound of fabric tearing can be heard, as the sound of the fight ceases. The large eye disappears. There is an impression of movement by a vaguely humanoid shape in the periphery of the frame of SCP-XXXX, in the area behind the mirror depicted. Extensive analysis of the 6 frames in which this movement is visible have yielded no further details.²¹

[08:58]: Playback ends.

[END LOG]

Santa

A depiction of SCP-XXXX from a Victorian era Christmas card.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Archon²²

Special Containment Procedures: The relationship between the SCP Foundation and SCP-XXXX is codified in the Silent Night Agreement. To summarize:

• Neither SCP-XXXX nor its employees will produce SCP-XXXX-2 instances that possess anomalous properties beyond the perceptual properties standard to all SCP-XXXX-2 instances.
• SCP-XXXX will take all reasonable measures to avoid being detected by civilians during Noel Events.
• SCP-XXXX will submit to and cooperate with searches of SCP-XXXX-1 to ensure that no additional access points between SCP-XXXX-1 and baseline reality have been made without Foundation approval.
• SCP-XXXX will inform the Foundation whenever it leaves SCP-XXXX-1.

In exchange for complying with it's part of the agreement, SCP-XXXX receives the following commitments from the Foundation:

• The Foundation will not attempt to prevent or otherwise inhibit Noel Events from occurring.
• The Foundation will not attempt to contain SCP-XXXX-2 instances.
• The Foundation's inspections of SCP-XXXX-1 will be performed in such a way as to minimize disruption to the operations of SCP-XXXX and its employees.
• The Foundation will take action to prevent SCP-XXXX and its operations from being discovered by groups which might cause harm to SCP-XXXX.
• In the event of hostile action against SCP-XXXX and its operations, the Foundation will use military force in SCP-XXXX's defense.

The Silent Night agreement can be re-negotiated every six months, if either party is unsatisfied with it. In the event that the current SCP-XXXX dies or retires and a new individual becomes SCP-XXXX, the Silent Night Agreement transfers to that individual, but that individual has the right to call for a renegotiation of the agreement as soon as they become SCP-XXXX, regardless of the time passed since the last renegotiation.

Description: SCP-XXXX is the entity commonly known as Santa Claus. It's appearance is consistent with popular conceptions of Santa Claus, being a rotund, elderly, bearded, caucasian male with white hair. It's mannerisms and demeanor are similarly consistent as well. SCP-XXXX has extensive expertise in thaumaturgy. SCP-XXXX is also a low level reality bender, whose capabilities are restricted to only producing effects related to concepts, objects, and motifs that are widely associated with Christmas or the holiday season generally. SCP-XXXX possesses a degree of omniscience with respect to the actions of sapient entities on Earth. It claims that it does not have immediate access to all of this information simultaneously, and must mentally search for information it wants. Further, it claims that information becomes more difficult to access the less relevant the information is to evaluating a person's overall moral character or the holiday season generally. The Foundation has found no evidence in interactions with SCP-XXXX which would cast doubt on these claims.

SCP-XXXX primarily lives in and operates out of an extra-dimensional space, designated SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX-1 is accessible through two portals in baseline reality. One is in Lapland, near the border between Finland and Norway. The other is 79 meters away from the geographic North Pole. These portals possess a perceptual property that renders them unnoticeable unless one is already aware of them or within about nine meters of them.
The interior of SCP-XXXX-1 is a 3.36 hectare (8.3 acre) circular clearing in a forest, and is in an apparent state of perpetual winter. In this clearing, are multiple buildings, including stables, residential areas, and a large workshop. The forest surrounding SCP-XXXX-1 is comprised of various species of conifer trees, all of which are decorated in the manner of Christmas trees. Attempting to walk through the forest results in one emerging from the opposite side of SCP-XXXX-1.

The workshop within SCP-XXXX-1 is used for the production of gifts, designated SCP-XXXX-2. SCP-XXXX-2 instances are usually toys or games, however other gifts, including but not limited to clothing, electronics, tools, books, gift cards, and, very rarely, weapons²³, have been documented. SCP-XXXX-2 instances possess a self-rationalizing perceptual anomaly: individuals will either form false memories to justify or simply not recognize any logical inconsistencies regarding how the SCP-XXXX-2 instance was acquired. The most common expression of this anomaly is when a child is given an instance during a Noel event. The child's parents or guardians will form a false memory of acquiring the gift themselves. In cases where the guardians are very neglectful, abusive, or impoverished, neither the guardians or the child will consider that the gift-giving might be implausible for the guardian. In many cases an abusive or negligent guardian will not even notice the instance.

SCP-XXXX employs a large contingent of faeries to assist it in the production of SCP-XXXX-2 instances. A wide variety of fae species are employed, with a slight majority of Germanic wood elves²⁴. It is known that SCP-XXXX-1 contains several thaumaturgical ways to various fae enclaves. The Foundation is not permitted to know the locations of these ways due to treaties between the Foundation and the fae territories in question.

SCP-XXXX owns a population of 21 anomalous reindeer (Rangifer tarandus), designated SCP-XXXX-3. SCP-XXXX-3 instances are capable of self-levitation and are significantly more intelligent than baseline reindeer, being well-trained and highly responsive to commands. Instances are physiologically indistinguishable from baseline reindeer²⁵. The offspring of an SCP-XXXX-3 instance and a non-anomalous reindeer is always an SCP-XXXX-3 instance, a trait SCP-XXXX employs to maintain healthy genetic diversity in its herd.

On December 24 of each year, SCP-XXXX performs a Noel Event. SCP-XXXX's reality bending capabilities grow in strength over the course of roughly two months leading up to December 24, though they are still restricted to producing holiday related effects. By the time of the Noel event, it's powerful enough to grant itself the ability to pass through solid matter, become invisible, conceal the sound of its own movement, and be present in multiple locations simultaneously. It employs these abilities to travel around the planet and deliver SCP-XXXX-2 instances to, so far as can be determined, every child on Earth aged 12 or younger. Each child receives a single SCP-XXXX-2 instance which was specifically created based on that child's interests, desires, and needs. SCP-XXXX-2 instances are given to some individuals in the 13-17 age range, if SCP-XXXX conceives of a gift idea that it thinks would be particularly beneficial to the individual.

SCP-XXXX, and in particular its ability to perform Noel events, are closely connected to the conceptual basis of Christmas. If SCP-XXXX were unable to perform annual Noel events, the concept of Christmas would be greatly diminished both in metaphysical space²⁶ and in the human noosphere²⁷. The result of these changes would be a dramatic decrease in worldwide societal interest in Christmas, as well as other winter holidays that are often associated with Christmas, such as Hannukah and Kwanzaa. Further, there most likely would be a smaller but noticeable degradation of concepts closely associated with Christmas, such as gift-giving, meeting with family and friends, goodwill towards others, and the birth of Jesus Christ.

+ Interview with SCP-XXXX

The following interview was taken shortly after the signing of the Silent Night agreement. The interviewer is Dr. Benjamin Grant, meeting SCP-XXXX in its workshop.

---

[BEGIN LOG]
SCP-XXXX: Ah, hello Doctor. Please take a seat.
Grant: Thank you.
Dr. Grant chuckles.
Grant: I was a big fan of yours as a kid.
SCP-XXXX begins laughing.
SCP-XXXX: Ho ho ho, that's a good one! Having the Foundation around may be a bit more enjoyable than I feared.
Grant: Well, I can say that we'll try to make our arrangement as pleasant to both parties as possible. May I ask some questions?
SCP-XXXX: Of course.
Grant: How and when did you become Santa Claus?
SCP-XXXX: Well, that's a bit of a tricky question. I suppose I could say that this Santa got his start eleven years ago.
Grant: What do you mean "this Santa?"
SCP-XXXX: When I die or retire, someone out there will become me. There's also a 125 year term limit, so some super long-lived fairy or something doesn't monopolize the position.
Grant: Alright, so Santa Claus is a title?
SCP-XXXX: No, I remember being them, or rather I remember them being me. Santa me, not original me.
Grant: So Santa Claus is a personality that occupies different bodies?
SCP-XXXX: No. Santa isn't a person, he's like a person-modifier. How do I explain this… Santa is like a big heavy coat.
SCP-XXXX gestures to it's own coat.
SCP-XXXX: When you put it on, you're still inside the coat, but the coat is covering most of you up.
Grant: I see.
SCP-XXXX: Wait, no, better analogy. Santa Claus is a person-mold. You have to pour a person into it, so the person is still there, but the mold made them Santa-shaped. Does that make sense?
Grant: Yes, I think it does. How many Santas have their been?
SCP-XXXX: A bunch. A Greek saint, an elf nobleman, a reality bender who wanted to help people, and a whole load of people who really loved Christmas. 39, in total, and that's not counting special circumstances, like the year I was indisposed and a very passionate toy-maker we both know took over.
Grant: Huh, I, uh, imagine I'm going to need to ask you more about that in the future. But for now, who were you before you made this transformation?
SCP-XXXX: Maria Berrada. I actually have a picture of myself from before.
The picture shown to Dr. Grant was positively identified as Maria Berrada, a retired Spanish elementary school teacher of Moroccan descent.
Grant: Interesting. How did you get this position?
SCP-XXXX shrugs.
SCP-XXXX: They picked me.
Grant: "They?"
SCP-XXXX: I don't know who they are. I don't know if it's a group who picks, or just one person. Actually, I don't even know if it's a person, it could be an automatic process. I do know that I was given a chance to decline the offer, and that before I die or retire, I'll learn who my replacement is.
Grant: I beieve that answers all my questions for today. Thank you.
SCP-XXXX: You're welcome. Merry Christmas.
[END LOG]

Discovery: When SCP-239 was introduced to the concept of Santa Claus against protocol, there was an immediate concern that it may have used its reality bending abilities to actualize Santa Claus. This concern was justified when a Santa-like entity which evaded initial containment efforts appeared near Site-17. However, it was determined that this entity was only a non-sapient, transient manifestation of SCP-239's abilities, and only existed as long as SCP-239 was actively considering the idea of Santa Claus. As SCP-239 was put in an induced coma before the next Christmas season, this entity is no longer a concern. However, a plan to locate and contain Santa Claus or an entity akin to Santa Claus was drafted before this was determined. The plan went unused until 11/14/79, when O5-12 argued that Santa Claus existing was a possibility that the Foundation should take seriously. Her proposal to carry out the plan was approved, leading to the discovery of SCP-XXXX on 11/26/79. SCP-XXXX anticipated the Foundation's arrival, and had created numerous thaumaturgic wards protecting SCP-XXXX-1. A team of Foundation thaumatologists was brought in to dispel the wards, but SCP-XXXX was able to quickly create new wards to replace those the thaumatologists dismantled. This led to an eight day long siege of SCP-XXXX-1, during which the Foundation and SCP-XXXX communicated through video broadcasts. Foundation attempts to convince SCP-XXXX to surrender itself to containment were unsuccessful. On the ninth day, SCP-XXXX initiated the following broadcast.

+ Broadcast from SCP-XXXX

[BEGIN LOG]
SCP-XXXX is standing in a room with a large thaumaturgic diagram drawn on the wall behind it.
SCP-XXXX: Hey there Foundation. I'll get straight to the point, I've been trying to get you all to leave me be for the past week, and I'm getting tired of it, so now I'm bringing out my best argument. Behind me is what one of your wizards would recognize is a great big geas I prepared. For those not magically inclined, I'm about to make a promise, and if I break that promise, I'll instantly die. I'll let you take a good look at it, so you know there's no funny business going on.
SCP-XXXX steps aside so the view of the diagram is unobstructed. A Foundation thaumatologist confirms that the geas is genuine and functional.
SCP-XXXX places its palms against the diagram and speaks several thaumaturgic incantations. It then speaks in English.
SCP-XXXX: I'm about to take someone on a trip. I swear that no harm will come to this person on the trip, and I will not attempt to deceive this person in any way on the trip. While on the trip, I will make an argument. When the person is returned, their opinions will be entirely their own, not influenced by me through any kind of magical, reality-altering, or psychic influence. On this promise I stake my life.
A pattern of flashes confirms the completion of the geas. SCP-XXXX takes a deep breath, snaps its fingers, and vanishes. The broadcast ends.
[END LOG]

At this time, O5-12, observing the situation remotely, vanished as well. She reappeared 6 minutes later, holding a VHS tape. She claimed to have been taken on a journey by SCP-XXXX, and that the tape was a recording of the journey. The following is a transcript of the tape's contents.

+ Transcript of recovered tape

[BEGIN LOG]
SCP-XXXX and O5-12 are sitting in a sleigh being drawn by eight SCP-XXXX-3 instances through a featureless void. There is no apparent light source in the scene. In spite of this the sleigh, it's inhabitants, and the reindeer are clearly visible.

---

O5-12: What the hell?!
SCP-XXXX: Hello there.
O5-12: What did you do?
SCP-XXXX: You were watching the broadcast, were you not? I'm taking you on a trip, to make my case that the Foundation ought to let me work in peace.
O5-12: If you think demonstrating the ability to kidnap an O5 at will is going to get you leniency, you are sorely mistaken.
SCP-XXXX: Oh I can't do this at will. My reality bending powers can only be used for things that are thematically appropriate for the Christmas season. Plus, this is really hard, it's probably going to take two or three days off my lifespan.
O5-12: And why would I believe that?
SCP-XXXX: Because if I lied I'd be dead right now. Remember that I'm under a geas, and we'll avoid a lot of unnecessary questions.
O5-12: Well, if you're telling the truth, how is kidnapping someone associated with Christmas?
SCP-XXXX: Kidnapping isn't, but taking someone on a supernatural journey through time to gain a greater perspective? A couple of the greatest Christmas stories of all time put that solidly in my wheelhouse.
O5-12: You mean… Ok. So what, you're here to teach me the true meaning of Christmas?
SCP-XXXX: There is no true meaning of Christmas. For every culture, time period, organization, family, and individual, Christmas means something different.
O5-12: That's an interesting sentiment, coming from you.
SCP-XXXX: It's the truth. Say, I'd like to ask you a question. I think I know the answer, but I want to hear it in your words.
O5-12: Very well.
SCP-XXXX: Why do you want to contain me? I don't hurt anyone, and I give presents to kids.
O5-12: If you think that I'm going to go to bed tonight with a smile on my face because I locked up Santa Claus, you're wrong. But it is the Foundation's duty to contain anomalies and protect normalcy. We don't choose to not contain an anomaly because we like it. That's not who we are. There are many anomalies we'd love to share with the world, but we don't because none of those are worth sacrificing humanity's ability to live in a sane, normal universe. So we don't judge whether an anomaly is good or bad, we just contain every anomaly. And it's these principles that keep us from simply being an organization that exercises its enormous power arbitrarily.
SCP-XXXX: That's fair I suppose, but it also means that you don't contain for containing's sake, your goal is to protect normalcy. Therefore, shouldn't it follow that if containing me would do more damage to normalcy than not, you should leave me be?
O5-12: Perhaps, but that would be a difficult thing to prove.
SCP-XXXX: Yeah, it will be. So, here's the deal. I'm deeply connected to the concept of Christmas, and I mean that literally. If I stop doing my job, I'm not Santa in a meaningful sense, and so Santa doesn't exist in a meaningful sense. This will break down the concept of Christmas in such a way that, over the next 20 or 30 years, people's interest in Christmas will shrink to almost nothing. No new holiday or tradition will emerge to fill the void either, the whole conceptual space Christmas occupies will be poisoned.
O5-12: Christmas… is not an unacceptable sacrifice, especially if its loss would be as gradual as you describe.
SCP-XXXX: I figured you'd say something like that, which is why you're here. Earlier you asked if I was going to teach you the true meaning of Christmas. Actually, I'm going to teach you what Christmas means to the SCP Foundation.
The sleigh seems to "land" and "stop," despite no apparent surfaces being present to land on. A door materializes behind the sleigh. SCP-XXXX steps out of the sleigh and gestures to O5-12 to follow.
SCP-XXXX: Here is our first stop.
SCP-XXXX walks over to the door and opens it. A bright light shines through the doorway. O5-12 walks over to the door, and both walk through, the camera's perspective following.

---

SCP-XXXX and O5-12 are now standing in an office building. Signage on a bulletin board indicates that this is an office of the Records and Information Security Administration (RAISA), and that it is December 20, 1997.
SCP-XXXX: Don't worry, no one can see or hear us, because we aren't truly here. This is a projection of an event in a possible future, one where you lock me up. I brought you here to see this.
A woman walks down an aisle and turns into a cubicle near where SCP-XXXX and O5-12 are standing. A man is sitting in the cubicle, working on a personal computer.
Woman: Hey Dex. Uh… How's it going?
Dex: I need a stiff drink. Does that answer your question?
Woman: That bad?
Dex: Worse than usual.
Woman: Well, Yuki, Harrison, and I are about to take a break, and meet up. You're welcome to join, of course.
Dex: Thanks for the offer Julie, but I'll pass. I'd just bring the mood down.
Julie: Well, if you change your mind, come. Are you doing anything interesting soon? Christmas party, or something?
Dex: Nah, my family isn't really celebrating Christmas this year.
Julie: Yeah, mine neither.
The woman walks away. The man rubs his face for several seconds, then gets up and follows the woman. O5-12 walks into the man's cubicle, and sees that he is working on a report entitled "Suicide Rates Among Foundation Personnel over the Past 5 Years." O5-12 reads the abstract of the report, indicating an average suicide rate of █.█% per year, with 1997 having an even higher rate of █.█%.
O5-12: Jesus, he was right. This is exceptionally bad, even for us.
SCP-XXXX pulls a sheet of paper from its coat and hands it to O5-12.
SCP-XXXX: Here's the same report, made by the same person, from the timeline where you allow me to continue my yearly deliveries.
This report indicates a significantly smaller 5 year average of █.█%, with 1997 being below that average with █.█%.
O5-12: So you're going to attribute the difference to Christmas? All these people killed themselves over Christmas?
SCP-XXXX: A bit oversimplified, but not entirely wrong. Foundation employees must often put their sense of well-being, their sanity, their lives, sometimes more, on the line in defense of the world. But, in order for this to happen, the world has to seem worth it. When they step out of the sites and areas and return to the world they protect, they need to be reminded of what they love. And Christmas does a great job of that doesn't it? Time with family and friends, giving and receiving gifts, goodwill towards man, these are some of the things that make the fight worthwhile. Humanity has them year-round, but they're easiest to see in the Christmas season. So, it doesn't matter what time of year it is, I'd say the Foundation is fighting for Christmas every day. If that goes, there are consequences. Come, we have three more stops before you return.
SCP-XXXX leads O5-12 to the door of a utility closet. He opens the door, and a bright white light shines through the doorframe. They walk through and the camera follows.

---

The two are now standing in a hallway, with a large Foundation logo on one wall. SCP-XXXX entreats O5-12 to follow it. They move through two halls and down a flight of stairs.
O5-12: I know these halls. They're different from how I recall, but this must be Site-17.
SCP-XXXX: That it is. Site-17 in the year 2017 to be precise.
As the two progress down another hallway, a song becomes audible. The song is "A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives.
O5-12: So, I suppose this is the future where you get your way?
SCP-XXXX: You're two for two.
SCP-XXXX opens a door leading into the Site-17 cafeteria. A large banner reading "Happy Holidays Site-17!" hangs from the ceiling. A Christmas party is being held, with numerous personnel attending. Notably, many sapient anomalies contained at Site 17 are also in attendance, each being supervised by a guard and wearing a badge clearly indicating their SCP designation. Though most of these had not been contained when the video was obtained, all have since been identified.
SCP-XXXX and O5-12 walk through the crowd. Researchers, guards, and anomalies are socializing, playing games, and eating. Another door to the cafeteria opens and approximately 40 D-Class personnel enter, escorted by guards. A cheer starts among the crowd. A nearby researcher speaks to an agent.
Researcher: The party hasn't started 'til the D-boys show up.
SCP-XXXX and O5-12 watch as three D-Class personnel are invited to join a game of poker with a researcher, SCP-527, SCP-3988, and SCP-3908. The players gamble with Hershey's Kiss candies rather than currency. O5-12 turns and speaks to SCP-XXXX.
O5-12: What are we here for? What point are you trying to make?
SCP-XXXX: We can talk about that in a bit. For now, let's just watch the festivities. Whatever catches your eye, go look.
O5-12 surveys the area, and moves toward a table with refreshments. SCP-2020 is speaking to SCP-073 and SCP-105.
SCP-2020: Wow, okay, just had an even better idea. I guess this isn't really a sci-fi story, but it kind of blurs the line between sci-fi and fantasy, but with a sci-fi feel. So there's this big secret organization that collects weird stuff, Area 51 style. Cliche, right?
SCP-073 appears slightly bemused. SCP-105's body language suggests it wants to exit the conversation, but can't find a way to do so tactfully. SCP-2020's guard is suppressing a laugh while drinking punch.
SCP-2020: So these guys find out that Santa is real! Yeah, this is a Christmas story! So they gear up to go lock up Santa, but then Santa takes one of the group's big bosses on a magical journey and convinces him - actually wait no it'd be good if the big boss was a girl. So he convinces her to let him keep delivering presents and saves Christmas. Cliche right? But cliche in a good way, I think, because it makes it a Christmas story, not just a story that has Santa in it. What do you think?
SCP-105: Uhh, yeah that sounds good Izzy.
SCP-2020: Wait, new idea: Santa, but evil!
SCP-2800 approaches from behind SCP-2020 and speaks to it.
SCP-2800: Hey Bobby, someone wants to meet Iris and Cain, so I'm going to take them to him, and then I'll come back and listen to your new idea.
SCP-2020: Sure, I can wait. Have fun, guys.
The three walk away, and O5-12 and SCP-XXXX follow.
SCP-105: Thank you.
SCP-2800: No need to thank me. Cactusman is always ready to lend a hand.
O5-12 and SCP-XXXX slow and stop, allowing the three to walk away.
O5-12: What on earth was that SCP-2020? Did he know about us?
SCP-XXXX: Ho, ho, ho, he's a character isn't he? I don't think he knows what he's talking about. I could be wrong though.
O5-12 notices a group of individuals who seem to be circled around something. Upon approaching, the individuals, which include two researchers, two agents, SCP-3619, and SCP-2842, are seen to be listening intently to a sitting D-Class personnel, D-451.
D-451: So there I was, in the final puzzle, feeling like I had figured it out. The TVs responded to sounds, and the rods were a musical staff. I'd use the control panel to move the TVs on the rods and put them in the position of the notes of the little jingle that played when I solved the last two puzzles. I'd get out of that damn cube and be thankful I had played piano in high school. But as soon as I had gotten the last TV into position, four hatches opened on the walls and hundreds of brute-forcers started pouring into the pit my platform was above. This created a lot of noise, and then, about 50 feet above my platform, these huge fans came out of the walls of the shaft and started blowing, making even more noise. The TVs were going crazy, no way could my voice cut through all that ruckus. At this point, one of the brute forcers managed to clamber up to my platform. He took a swipe at my knee, but I dodged it and stuck my hand in his chest. All his limbs froze and his chest turned transparent so I could solve his puzzle, as usual. A bunch of weird-shaped tiles appeared and a weird-shaped hole opened in his back. I realized I had to fit the tiles together like puzzle pieces and fill the hole. I did, and all his limbs retracted and he started pulsating. Apparently a bomb was my reward for the solution. I looked around, and a group was getting pretty close to my platform, so I threw my bomb at them. I aimed high and to the left, thought I had wasted my chance, but then the bomb curled in the air and hit the group, blew them right off the wall. I turned around to try and figure out how to cancel all the noise, and that's when it hit me. The first challenge which played off my familiarity with Indiana Jones, my favorite movies. The way the path out of the second challenge opened just before I put the last sword in its slot. The way I could figure out the third challenge because I knew how to read music, and the way the bomb curved to go where I wanted it to go. The act of solving a puzzle is in the mind, so Puzzlemaster was in my head, using what he learned to make the challenges. As soon as I realized that, the TVs became calm, they weren't reacting to noise any more. And I thought the notes. The fans stopped and the brute-forcers stopped moving. Puzzle solved.
D-451 receives light applause and assorted expressions of amazement from the listeners. SCP-3619, whose head is rotating away from D-451, speaks.
SCP-3619: I don't want you to think I'm not paying attention to you, because that is seriously one of the coolest stories I've ever heard.
D-419: Nah man, I get you can't control it. And thanks.
Agent: You ought to be proud. You handled yourself like an absolute pro.
SCP-2842: What happened next?
D-419: Puzzlemaster came down, congratulated me, gave me the prize, and let me out. I got to hand it to the scorpion-looking bastard, when he subjects people to life threatening challenges he does at least give a prize that's good enough to fit the stakes. I can't tell you all what it is, but I can say the Foundation has saved over 30 lives with it.
Agent: Ha, and I bet you think you just happened to get sent here.
D-419: What do you mean?
Agent: I mean that D-Class don't just get assigned to cushy positions like Site-17 by chance. You being here is a reward. Let's go get some more drinks.
The group starts to disperse. SCP-XXXX speaks to O5-12, who is smiling.
SCP-XXXX: Are functions like this one permitted by the Foundation, strictly speaking?
O5-12: Low-risk sapient anomalies are permitted socialization privileges… but in controlled areas, and generally not with staff. So no, this isn't quite up to code.
SCP-XXXX: Are you aware that parties like this take place?
SCP-XXXX: Yes.
SCP-XXXX: Do you try to stop them from taking place?
O5-12: No, not generally.
SCP-XXXX: Why is that?
O5-12: Our people are professional and intelligent enough to know how to do it safely, and it's good for morale.
SCP-XXXX: I think it's more than that. You've seen other universes, many with Foundations of their own. The Foundation needs to be detached and uncaring a lot, but I think you've seen what happens when the Foundation entirely abandons its humanity, kindness, and warmth. And so you turn a blind eye to your contained SCPs being invited to Christmas parties. Is that fair to say?
O5-12: I suppose it is. I also suppose we're moving on now?
SCP-XXXX nods, and walks towards a door to the kitchen, and O5-12 follows. Upon opening the door, a bright white light shines through. SCP-XXXX and O5-12 walk through.

---

The two individuals are now standing in a Foundation site, in an apparent state of high alert. A voice plays over the intercom.
Intercom: SCP-6839 has breached containment. Remain in or locate a safe room. Access a computer terminal for anti-cognitohazard therapy if you suspect you've been exposed.
A loud, rhythmic drumming sound is audible, and seems to come from beyond the walls on O5-12's left side.
SCP-XXXX: I had to adjust this scene, clean up the sound to keep that thing's drumming from being as dangerous as it is. I changed nothing else though. Come this way.
SCP-XXXX and O5-12 walk down a hallway and turn a corner, to see the corpse of a Foundation researcher on the floor.
SCP-XXXX: I don't know how this is connected to Christmas. I was able to find this event, so I know it is somehow, but I couldn't explain whatever chain of cause and effect led to this. Dr. Rafiq here didn't even celebrate Christmas. All I know is that the Dr. Rafiq who went to his friend's Christmas party came up with a way to re-contain that thing in 15 minutes, and this Dr. Rafiq didn't.
O5-12: Why are you showing me this? It doesn't seem like particularly compelling support for your argument, you even admit as much.
SCP-XXXX: When I first found this, I wasn't going to show it to you, until I realized there may be a lesson to be learned here. You know doubt are familiar with Chaos theory?
O5-12: I am. I think I know where you're going with this.
SCP-XXXX: In a complicated and interconnected system, any change can have consequences that are hard to predict, and may be felt in places that seem totally unrelated to the original change. The classic example is a butterfly's wing flaps affecting the direction of a tornado. I think the lesson here is that the brain is such a system. Christmas may not seem important to this containment breach, but some memory Rafiq made at the Christmas party led to something, which led to something, and so on, until he has an inspired idea and saves the day. Christmas isn't a butterfly flapping its wings, it's a whole month or more of songs, advertisements, ideas, decorations, social events, and greetings. The repercussions of its loss will be big, and unpredictable, and only get bigger and more unpredictable as time goes on.
O5-12: That's true, but for such a complicated system, one couldn't predict whether or not the effects would be good or bad just as much as one couldn't predict the effects themselves. It's just as likely that the loss of Christmas would end up being helpful in another containment breach.
SCP-XXXX: I thought of that too, so I did some investigating. I found 49 events where the outcome was affected by the loss of Christmas like this one, and 31 of them were made worse for the Foundation by the loss of Christmas, so it actually does seem like maintaining Christmas is a net positive for the Foundation, when it comes to these kinds of connections. I took some notes on them, I'll give them to you after we return to the real world.
O5-12: That… will be interesting to see.
The drumming sound becomes louder.
O5-12: Seems like we should go.
SCP-XXXX: I think you're right. Only one more stop to go.
SCP-XXXX opens a door to an office, and a bright white light shines through. The two walk through.

---

O5-12 and SCP-XXXX are standing outside, on a street in a suburban neighborhood. It's the evening, and snowing. Several houses on the street are adorned with Christmas lights and decorations. A girl of Japanese descent, approximately 13-14 years of age, walks down the street, crying. She passes a house and the house's door opens. A hispanic girl of similar age comes out the door before chasing after the first girl.
Second Girl: Hey, wait up! It's me, Laura!
First Girl: Oh, hey, what is it?
Laura: What's wrong, what happened?
First Girl: Oh nothing, I just totally blew it with Jerry. Looked like an absolute idiot.
Laura: Hey, well you know what? My older cousin Susana, she told me that stuff like that is almost never as bad as it seems. Jerry's a laid-back guy, I'm sure he doesn't think it was that big a deal, whatever happened.
First Girl: It's not just Jerry. It's everything. My grades have been going down because everything's piling up, I broke my foot, and now it's looking like Dad's going to lose his job again. All in like a month. I'm so sick of it, it feels like God hates me or something.
The first girl starts crying harder, while the second girl tries to comfort her.
Laura: Hey, my family are going to have our Christmas dinner a bit early. You wanna come, if my parents say it's okay? I bet they will!
First Girl: I appreciate the offer, but, you don't need to do that because you feel bad for me.
Laura: This isn't me feeling bad for you, this is just me seeing that you need something good to happen to you right now.
First Girl: Well… Okay. If your parents and my parents are ok with it, I'll come.
Laura: Great, come in so you can call your folks.
The two girls walk into the house. SCP-XXXX begins speaking.
SCP-XXXX: Their parents were okay with it. That girl had a great time. A little thing like a dinner can have a big impact on someone going through a hard time. And eventually she joins the Foundation as a researcher, a good one.
O5-12: So if we contain you, she doesn't get invited to the dinner, and doesn't join the Foundation?
SCP-XXXX: No. If you contain me, her friend still makes an effort to cheer her up, but not in quite such a memorable way, because there is no dinner to invite her too. But she gets recruited by the Foundation either way. The difference is that the girl who went to the Christmas party came into the Foundation wanting to protect the world.
SCP-XXXX walks towards the house's door. Upon opening it, bright white light shines through.
SCP-XXXX: The girl who didn't, she came into the Foundation wanting to fix the world.
SCP-XXXX and O5-12 walk through.
The two are now standing in what seems to be a basement. A man, flanked by two guards is sitting at a table in the room. A woman of Japanese descent in her late 20s enters the room with a messenger bag.
Man: Hey there. Have you got something nice for me?
Woman: Sure do.
The woman places the messenger bag on the table. One guard raises his firearm while the other opens the bag. He pulls out a stack of files that are revealed to be classified Foundation documents on closer inspection.
Man: These are nice, but, and forgive me if I sound demanding, but I was expecting something a bit more substantive.
Woman: Check again. Hidden pocket on the back side.
Upon further inspection, the guard removes a hand sieve, since identified as SCP-3324.
Man: A sieve?
Woman: It's more useful than it looks.
The woman picks the SCP-3324 file out of the pile, and hands it to the man. The man begins to read the file. O5-12 speaks.
O5-12: What's your angle here? Foundation personnel defecting to other groups isn't tremendously uncommon or surprising. Not a strong point to end your argument on. What's special here?
SCP-XXXX: Nothing gets past you, does it? Yes, there is something special about this particular betrayal. I can't explain myself too much, as I don't wish to interfere with the timeline more than I have to.
SCP-XXXX takes a deep breath.
SCP-XXXX: What I'm about to say, I'm going to say very specifically, so it can be clearly interpreted in light of the geas I'm under. In my sincere opinion, out of all the Foundation employees in history who could have defected to a rival organization, she is the worst possible one for the Foundation.
The man finishes reading.
Man: Very impressive. How do you expect you'll be working for us?
Woman: I think it'd be best for me to continue my work at the Foundation, and feed you information.
Man: We always have a use for moles. Very well. Dr. Mary Nakayama, welcome to the Chaos Insurgency.
The man and woman shake hands and leave the room, followed by the guards.
SCP-XXXX walks to a door and opens it. No light seems to be passing through the doorway. O5-12 walks through, and SCP-XXXX follows.

---

The two are now back in the featureless void. The sleigh and SCP-XXXX-3 instances are present, as they were left.
SCP-XXXX: Are you ready to return?
O5-12: Yes. Let's go save Christmas.
SCP-XXXX smiles. Both walk to the sleigh and get in.
SCP-XXXX: Say, do you want to take the reigns?
O5-12: Afraid I don't know how to drive a sleigh.
SCP-XXXX: Don't worry, they know where to go.
SCP-XXXX offers the reigns. O5-12 briefly hesitates, before accepting them. She swings the reigns, and the SCP-XXXX-3 instances begin to gallop and then "take off," carrying the sleigh behind them.
[END LOG]

Following the review of the tape, the O5 council and SCP-XXXX negotiated the Silent Night Agreement.

+ Content Restricted, LEVEL 5 CLEARANCE REQUIRED

On 12/25/79, O5-12 discovered a small, box wrapped in the style of a Christmas gift in her office.
When opened by Site-01 security, the box was found to contain a small piece of anthracite coal, and a note. Upon O5-12 making direct visual contact with the coal, she became aware of a piece of actionable intelligence that was subsequently used in a raid on the Chaos Insurgency. She has received a new piece of actionable intelligence in the same manner every December 25th since. These pieces of information have been useful against Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd., The Chaos Insurgency, The Factory, Are We Cool Yet?, Neo-Sarkic Sects, the Children of the Scarlet King, and other highly dangerous groups. No actionable information has been provided to date that could be used against groups which could be considered relatively "benign" or "moral," such as the Serpent's Hand, Dr. Wondertainment, Gamers Against Weed, and relatively peaceful Mekhanite and Proto-Sarkic sects.
The note read:

Merry Christmas Veronica.

The piece of coal has been designated SCP-XXXX-4.

Addendum - Recent Update on the Status of SCP-XXXX: After several months of increasingly severe symptoms, SCP-XXXX became bedridden due to complications of old age. Several fae and Foundation medical professionals had been providing palliative care to SCP-XXXX. On 11/16/18, SCP-XXXX was seen to begin emitting white light, before appearing to transform into an elderly woman of Moroccan descent, who fell unconscious and expired 14 minutes later. Her last words were reportedly "Wow, what a great choice."
6 minutes later, SCP-3355, a sapient computer program who attempts to deliver Christmas presents to disadvantaged children in the Chicago area in spite of its computer's extremely limited active memory, appeared to cease all activity. Several individuals in SCP-XXXX's employ were seen carrying electronics obtained through unclear means, including parts consistent with the construction of androids and a CPU with a Random Access Memory estimated to be in excess of 200 TB. The Foundation received the following message through the direct line used by SCP-XXXX:

This is the best damn thing that's ever happened to anyone.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Updates will be provided as the situation develops.

The Ongoing Development of an Art Form(4000 Proposal)

NOTICE FROM THE RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION

You are attempting to access a Foundation Special Database and network. Access to this database requires special departmental clearance. All access attempts are recorded with RAISA. Please enter your credentials.

user: Z. Saxon, Level 3, id: 9722410 Rho
pass: 1twothr3e4ourtheta'walls_brainbugs_jack0ftales_starw1zards_fullarc_denouement@thefinalfrontier

Credentials Valid…
User possesses LAMPSHADE Class clearance…
Department of Pataphysics membership confirmed. Welcome Dr. Saxon.

.call Enkidu

Hello. I am Enkidu.aic, an Artificially Intelligent Construct used by the Foundation Department of Pataphysics for narrativistic analysis and data archiving. How can I help you today?

Hey Enkidu, are you busy?

Not particularly. Looking through what the webcrawlers are giving us, searching for tropes, character arcs, and plot devices. The usual. What do you need Zack?

Oh it's real simple, don't want to distract you from your work too much. I just need the major iterations of SCP-4000's abbreviated file, maintaining the portions relating to it's artistic development and history.

Alright, but first I've got to ask. Does the black moon howl?

When it need not convey a meaning, only inspire unity.

Sorry about that, I have to do it to everyone. Got to make sure you're clean and all.

It's totally fine. Whatever you feel like you need to do, I trust that it needs to be done.

Aww, you flatter me. I'm working on modifying and formatting the files now. What do you need them for?

Have to go do a presentation for a site director.

Ding! They're finished. I've taken the liberty of highlighting changes from a previous iteration in blue.

Indispensable is too weak a word for you, Enkidu.

+ SCP-4000, Selected Iteration 1, 02/02/2008 

Item #: SCP-4000

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: By an 8-5 vote of the O5 Council, SCP-4000 will be allowed to remain on the internet, accessible to the public. The writings on the SCP-4000 website are to be monitored by Foundation personnel and Foundation-made pattern-recognition algorithms for similarities to existing anomalies. All SCP-4000-1 instances are to be identified and monitored. Proposals to further interrogate or test SCP-4000-1 instances must be approved by the SCP-4000 research lead. SCP-4000-1 instances should be amnesticized to remove memories of interactions with Foundation personnel, but personnel should not attempt to remove memories of SCP-4000 itself.

Description: SCP-4000 is a fictional organization known as the PAC Institute, a global, super-national entity dedicated to the containment of anomalies and the preservation of normalcy.

If an individual who is introduced to the concept of SCP-4000 subsequently feels inclined to create stories about or related to it, they (henceforth designated SCP-4000-1) will be subject to SCP-4000's anomalous effects.

The majority of SCP-4000 stories created by SCP-4000-1 instances bear striking similarities to actual anomalies and events documented by the SCP Foundation. Furthermore, SCP-4000 itself bears striking similarities to the SCP Foundation, in terms of it's goals, methods, and organizational structure. Though in principle these similarities could be due to non-anomalous coincidence, the chances of such similarities occurring incidentally are so low that the Foundation considers this possibility negligible.

Notable Features of SCP-4000:

• The PAC Institute gives anomalies it contains designations consisting of PAC followed by three numerals.
• Like the SCP Foundation, PAC is a double entendre which refers both to the motto of the organization (Preserve, Acquire, Contain) and the methods by which it contains anomalies (Protocols for the Anomaly's Containment).
• The PAC Institute classifies anomalies with the object classes Pandora, Yesod, and Fenris, which are identical in meaning and use to the Safe, Euclid, and Keter classes respectively.
• The PAC Institute has a clearance level system identical to the Foundation's.
• The PAC Institute employs Special Response Teams (SRTs), which are analogous to Mobile Task Forces.
• The PAC Institute employs Class-C Personnel, which are analogous to the Foundation's D-Class Personnel.
• PAC Institute operations are centered around Bases, the largest and most significant of which is Base-27, which are headed by Base Directors. Base Directors answer to the A5-Council, which has 13 members, each referred to with a numerical designation.

Investigation into currently known SCP-4000-1 instances indicate to a high degree of certainty that none of them are aware of the existence of the anomalous in general or the Foundation in particular. To an SCP-4000-1 instance, conceiving of an SCP-4000 related story is no different than creating any other story. The mechanism by which SCP-4000 story concepts are transferred into the minds of SCP-4000-1 instances is unknown. Memetic analysis has revealed no memetic agents that could bestow information in any SCP-4000 work or the concept of SCP-4000 in general. Testing of D-Class SCP-4000-1 instances under controlled conditions have indicated that no psionic transfer of information is occurring either. Indeed, it is possible that no information transfer is responsible for SCP-4000's effects, and instead the effects are caused by anomalously induced coincidence.

The first known piece of SCP-4000 media was posted on the /x/ (Paranormal) board of the imageboard 4chan on June 7th, 2007. It took the form of the primary documentation of PAC-244, a statue that becomes highly mobile and hostile when direct line of sight is not maintained, which clearly parallels SCP-173. Several other users, inspired by the work, became SCP-4000-1 instances and created their own PAC documents, most of which paralleled existing SCP objects such as SCP-076, SCP-087, and SCP-529. PAC Institute threads became very popular on the board, leading to irritation from users who felt they were crowding out other discussion. As a result, SCP-4000-1 instances transferred their work to a public wiki-farm. Foundation webcrawlers discovered this board on July 5th, 2007²⁸. By this time, numerous stories had been created, among which were parallels of SCP-008, SCP-096, SCP-239, SCP-343, SCP-682, SCP-882, and SCP-914, among others. Most notably, one work seemed to parallel an as of yet undesignated anomaly contained by the Foundation²⁹, but was written four days before the Foundation learned of the anomaly's existence. Since it's initial discovery by the Foundation, SCP-4000 documents have led to the discovery of 2 anomalous objects.

It has been proposed that the Foundation should attempt to support and popularize the SCP-4000 website and community, and raise SCP-4000's profile in the public consciousness so that more useful intelligence can be gleaned from related stories and so that, in the event of an LV-Class Lifted Veil Scenario³⁰, the widespread shock of learning of the existence of the Foundation will be reduced due to familiarity with a similar, fictional organization. The merits of this proposal are currently under debate.

Addendum: Commentary on SCP-4000 Fiction:

Though superficially similar to SCP documentation (Consisting of containment procedures and a description), SCP-4000 writings would be considered very unprofessional by today's standards. They are often un-clinical, often use imperial units, use ALL CAPS for emphasis, and often include unimportant details and phrases regarding researcher's opinions of or attitudes towards the object or its protocols for containment. That said, the style on display in SCP-4000 works is reminiscent in some ways of documentation I've read from the early 1900s era of the Foundation.
There is an interesting attitude of collaboration among SCP-4000-1 instances. Often they'll post a new PAC file, go to bed, and the next day see that another user has modified their work in some way, adding a new idea. This practice of editing the work of others is welcomed, so long as the modifications improve the original work. Interestingly, when this happens to articles that have noted similarities to actual anomalies in containment, the revisions that are well received often make the PAC file mirror the corresponding SCP file even more closely than before.

I now want to shift focus, and talk about the PAC Files by themselves, on their own terms as works

of fiction.

Retroactive Sieve

Now on the mainsite as SCP-3324.

SCP-XXXX, photo taken during recovery.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be contained in a standard small-object locker at Site-77 when not being used in testing.

Any individual who wishes to access SCP-XXXX must get the written permission of the Site Director to do so. If the Site Director wishes to access SCP-XXXX, they must obtain O5 approval to do so. All testing performed involving SCP-XXXX must be rigorously planned, documented, and filed with the Site Director to curb possible abuse. If any personnel unexpectedly develop symptoms of kidney stones, they are to be tested to determine if the individual is an SCP-XXXX-2 instance.

Following Test 31, cross-testing of SCP-XXXX with other anomalies requires written permission from a Level-4 or higher individual.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a stainless steel hand sieve with manufacturing marks suggesting it was produced by Oneida Limited. A Foundation investigation found no other sieves of the same or similar models with anomalous properties or evidence of anomalous activity during the manufacturing of said models.

If an individual urinates into SCP-XXXX, its anomalous properties will trigger and cause the individual (henceforth designated SCP-XXXX-1) to develop nephrolithiasis (kidney stones) retroactively.³¹ Upon urinating into SCP-XXXX, an SCP-XXXX-1 instance will begin to suffer from kidney stones 18 days in the past. They will intermittently experience severe lower-back pain, bloody urine, and occasionally minor urinary tract infections as the stone moves through the kidney and ureter, culminating in the stone being passed into SCP-XXXX. Appropriate instruments detect tachyon emission as the kidney stone is being passed.

SCP-XXXX-1 instances possess two divergent sets of memories, one in which they were suffering from kidney stones over the past 18 days (the current timeline), and one in which they were not (the previous timeline). Other individuals may have this second set of memories as well. The criteria that determines which individuals other than the SCP-XXXX-1 instance receive multiple sets of memories, if indeed any exist, is not fully understood. However, it is known that the likelihood of any given individual receiving a second set of memories is roughly proportional to how frequently that individual interacted with the SCP-XXXX-1 instance over the past 18 days.

The overall sequence of events in the lives of SCP-XXXX-1 instances are invariably very similar in the current and previous timelines. The most impactful symptoms of Nephrolithiasis (such as particularly severe bouts of lower-back pain) occur when the SCP-XXXX-1 instance was doing relatively inconsequential activities in the previous timeline. It has therefore been theorized that SCP-XXXX is predisposed to minimizing the impact it has on the timeline in some way.

SCP-XXXX has a second set of anomalous properties, discovered after Incident ████-E. Individuals affected by this second set of symptoms are designated SCP-XXXX-2. Further details are restricted to personnel with Level 4 or 3/XXXX clearance.

+ Data Restricted: Level 3/XXXX or Level 4 Clearance Required 

Incident ████-E: On 07/09/17, SCP-████ underwent an Unwrapping Event and accidentally referred to itself in the third person, enabling SCP-████-1 to escape its containment chamber and flee into a nearby D-Class dormitory. Once inside, it killed 3 D-Class and injured 7 before being re-contained by security personnel. SCP-████ researchers have concluded that SCP-████ cannot reasonably be held responsible for the incident, and so no disciplinary measures will be taken. SCP-████ is currently working with researchers to develop ways to prevent such incidents in the future.

During Incident ████-E, SCP-████-1 appeared to choose not to attack D-348-6166-0040, which is unprecedented behavior for the object. A rigorous series of tests were carried out to try and determine the cause of this unusual behavior, to inconclusive results. However, 2 days after Incident ████-E, D-348 began to exhibit symptoms of kidney stones. It was then hypothesized that SCP-XXXX may have been connected to SCP-████-1's behavior. When it was discovered that D-348 had been scheduled for testing with SCP-XXXX 10 days in the future³², the current model for the object's second set of anomalous properties was created.

If an individual with access to SCP-XXXX³³ plans for an individual (either themselves or another) to urinate into SCP-XXXX at some point in the future, the individual scheduled to use SCP-XXXX becomes an instance of SCP-XXXX-2. SCP-XXXX-2 instances will begin to exhibit symptoms of kidney stones. If they are planned to use SCP-XXXX more than 18 days in the future, they will begin exhibiting symptoms 18 days prior to the planned date. If an SCP-XXXX-2 instance is scheduled to use the object less than 18 days in the future, they will begin exhibiting symptoms at variable times, ranging from a few hours after the plan is made to 2.5 days before the planned time.

SCP-XXXX-2 instances cannot be prevented from urinating into SCP-XXXX and passing their kidney stone at the planned time. Any action that would prevent this will be thwarted by circumstance in some way. It is believed that this is the result of SCP-XXXX manipulating causality to avert a temporal paradox; if the SCP-XXXX-2 instance does not pass their stone into SCP-XXXX there will be no retrocausal agent to give them the stone in the first place. Attempted actions averted by SCP-XXXX include surgical removal of the kidney stone, confinement to a different room during the planned time, and killing the SCP-XXXX-2 instance.

Selected Experiment Log:
Test 17 - 07/12/17

Subject: D-348
Proposal: D-348 will be sedated to the point of unconsciousness. Agent Binney will then attempt to terminate D-348 with his sidearm.
Results: On the first attempt, Agent Binney's sidearm jammed. Agent Binney then disassembled, thoroughly cleaned, and reassembled his weapon. On his second attempt, his firearm jammed again. Agent Binney cleaned his weapon a second time. On his third attempt the weapon fired successfully, however Agent Binney unexpectedly sneezed while firing causing the shot to miss D-348's head and hit his shoulder instead. At this point Dr. Thompson, SCP-XXXX Lead Researcher, called an end to the test, and D-348 was given medical treatment for his wound.
Analysis: I ended the test when I did because I thought that the causality affecting properties of SCP-XXXX had been adequately established. However, the possibility that I chose to end the test at the point I did due to SCP-XXXX's influence has not escaped me. - Dr. Thompson.

Test 31 - 08/25/17

Subject: D-720-1963-4822
Proposal: D-720 will be made into an SCP-XXXX-2 instance. He will then be exposed to SCP-████, which, due to the nature of its anomalous properties, kills 100% of individuals exposed to its anomalous effect.
Results: Upon entering SCP-████'s active radius, D-720 began its active state, as is expected. However, shortly before the time in which SCP-████ was expected to terminate D-720, D-720 vanished for 1.42 seconds before reappearing. He was then vaporized in a manner typical of those exposed to SCP-████. 9 days later, at the planned date and time, SCP-XXXX was laid on a table in a testing chamber equipped with tachyon detectors and high speed cameras. D-720 manifested for 1.42 seconds in the testing chamber. His pants and underpants manifested on the floor approximately .5 meters behind him. An estimated 2 milliliters of urine came out of his penis and landed in SCP-XXXX. At the same time, D-720's kidney stone emerged at high speed through the skin of the lower-left portion of his torso and landed in SCP-XXXX. Greatly elevated tachyon emissions were measured during this period.
Analysis: Well, looks like XXXX isn't quite the miracle causality armor we hoped it was, but it still has tremendous potential. Heck, what happened to D-702 is only a little bit worse than what was going to happen to him anyway. - Dr. Thompson.

SCP-XXXX was recovered from the ███ fraternity house at the University of ████████. Fraternity member Jeffrey B████ became an SCP-XXXX-1 instance during a hazing ritual in which he was made to urinate on and then clean various objects. The following day he discussed his feeling of having two sets of memories on social media, to try and determine if anyone else had had a similar experience. Several friends reported that they, too, remembered certain events two ways. A Foundation webcrawler flagged the exchange as a probable indicator of anomalous activity, leading to the recovery of the item.

+ Open Communication Record, 10/03/17

From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Details on a new experimental procedure.
You will be urinating into SCP-XXXX 4 weeks from now, as will all other members of MTF Upsilon 10. You all have been granted Level 3/XXXX clearance to understand the purpose for this. The field utility SCP-XXXX will be tested in your upcoming operation.

Good luck soldier, and drink plenty of fluids.

Panic is Pure, Trauma is True

Now on the Mainsite as SCP-3503.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor social media, online support groups and discussion boards for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and correspondences between psychiatrists and therapists (particularly those involved in the treatment of PTSD) for evidence of SCP-XXXX infection. Foundation assets embedded in psychiatric circles are to do the same. News and police reports concerning domestic abuse, sexual assault, and acts of mass violence are to be monitored for indicators of stage 3 SCP-XXXX infection.

The Foundation has commissioned Mobile Task Force Rho-93 "Goatbusters" to combat and contain the influence of SCP-XXXX.

If an SCP-XXXX-positive individual is identified, MTF R-93 is to deploy to the individual's location and perform Procedure 701-Crafty.

+ Show Procedure 701-Crafty Description

The affected individual (Henceforth referred to as "the focus" for clarity) is to be administered Memetic Agent XXXX-Man-About-Town (Henceforth referred to as Meme MAT for clarity), after having been interrogated for intelligence that could be useful to the rest of the procedure. Subsequently, the focus's family, friends, co-workers, and anyone else who they were in the vicinity of on a regular basis (Such as sexual partners, therapists, teachers, etc.) are to be evaluated for possible SCP-XXXX infection. Then, anyone who lives or works within a 70 meter radius of the focus's residence and workplace are to be similarly evaluated, as are people who work at or frequent other locations frequented by the focus, such as bars or hobby shops. If the agent performing the evaluation of any individual believes there is a reasonable suspicion that the person they are evaluating may be SCP-XXXX-positive³⁴, that person is to be administered Meme MAT. All responding MTF R-93 agents are also to be administered Meme MAT. Finally, the focus's community will be placed on a watchlist of communities with a high risk of SCP-XXXX infection.

If the focus is in stage 3 of infection and has committed an act of SCP-XXXX motivated violence, the step in which the focus is administered Meme MAT may be skipped so that the focus can be contained by the foundation for research purposes, at the discretion of the SCP-XXXX containment lead. Misinformation is to be spread that the focus died as a result of resistance to their crimes. All parties involved are to be amnesticized and given false memories supporting this account.

In recognition of the great difficulty of containing SCP-XXXX, and the danger it poses, the O5 Council and Ethics Committee have authorized the use of Blarney Stone Class Memetic Agents (Sometimes colloquially referred to as a memetic "truth serum" by Foundation personnel.) to compel full cooperation in the process of identifying SCP-XXXX-positive individuals or the administration of Procedure 701-Crafty. Non-Foundation personnel who are administered a memetic agent in the process of SCP-XXXX containment efforts should be amnesticized.

The Foundation currently has 14 Stage 3 SCP-XXXX patients in containment for research purposes. Each has committed acts of violence as a result of SCP-XXXX influence. They are contained in a Site-17³⁵ satellite facility, constructed 120 meters away from the nearest point of the primary Site-17 complex³⁶. Any or all of these infected individuals can be terminated at any time if the current SCP-XXXX containment lead feels they pose a threat to Foundation personnel or the other anomalies contained at Site-17.

Personnel working on SCP-XXXX containment or research must disclose any potentially traumatic experiences they have during their work on SCP-XXXX or have had prior.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a contagious form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). SCP-XXXX has all the symptoms of standard PTSD, such as dreams or intrusive memories related to traumatic events, great distress in response to trauma related cues or triggers, and an amplified "fight or flight" response. However, SCP-XXXX patients also exhibit a set of additional symptoms unique to itself, that manifest over time. SCP-XXXX infection can be roughly categorized in 3 stages.

Stage 1: Stage 1 lasts an average of 5 to 6 years, with a standard deviation of about 2 years. Stage 1 is almost indistinguishable from non-anomalous PTSD. The only distinguishing feature of stage 1 is that patients often have dreams involving satyrs³⁷, or creatures similar to satyrs. Often, the satyrs seem out of place in the dreams they appear in. Stage 1 patients with high dream recall report as many as 40% of their dreams involve satyrs in some way. Satyrs are rarely the focus of these dreams. Dreams that recreate the traumatic experience that led infected individuals to contract SCP-XXXX almost always include satyrs.

Stage 2: Stage 2 lasts an average of 2 to 3 years, with a standard deviation of about 8 months. In stage 2, infected individuals begin to develop a positive opinion of their PTSD, feeling that having PTSD positively affects their psychological state. When questioned about this unusual opinion, SCP-XXXX patients are generally entirely unable to explain why they feel this way. Some exceptionally articulate patients can describe that PTSD feels "correct" or "natural," but are unable to give a more detailed explanation. There is only one known SCP-XXXX patient capable of explaining the rationale behind this symptom in detail, see Document-XXXX-A. Satyr dreams increase in frequency during stage 2.

Stage 3: In stage 3, the infected individual's positive opinion of their PTSD becomes much stronger than in phase 2. As a result, the majority of stage 3 SCP-XXXX-positive individuals come to believe that it would be moral and desirable to give others PTSD. Stage 3 patients gain a vague, intuitive understanding of how SCP-XXXX is transmitted (see below). Most begin exhibiting uncharacteristically abusive behavior towards family and close friends³⁸. Some attempt to commit acts of mass violence, such as a mass shooting or public bombing, generally planned in a manner which minimizes fatalities but maximizes injuries and induced panic. Stage 3 patients also gain the ability to rapidly (within a few days) advance stage 1 or 2 patients to stage 3 by discussing PTSD with them. About 30-40% of stage 3 patients develop uncharacteristically misanthropic beliefs and become sympathetic to or supportive of anarcho-primitivist ideas. Satyr dreams increase in frequency and intensity during stage 3, with satyr dreams where the satyrs are the dream's focus becoming common. A small (<6%) amount of stage 3 infected individuals report briefly seeing satyrs while awake, usually in their peripheral vision, in mirrors, or just after waking up.

Each SCP-XXXX-positive individual has a transmission radius. The exact size of the radius varies from individual to individual, but the great majority (>90%) of infected individuals have a radius that is between 50 and 60 meters. If an individual experiences a traumatic event while within the transmission radius of an SCP-XXXX-positive individual, or had experienced a traumatic event in the recent past³⁹ and then entered said transmission radius, that individual may contract SCP-XXXX. Testing⁴⁰ has indicated a susceptible individual must spend approximately 20-30 continuous seconds inside a transmission radius to be infected.
There have been numerous documented cases of susceptible individuals who spent time inside a transmission radius, but who did not contract SCP-XXXX, just as not all who experience a traumatic event get PTSD. However, there have been no documented cases where an SCP-XXXX susceptible individual spent time in a transmission radius and then contracted non-anomalous PTSD. It is therefore believed that the SCP-XXXX contagious agent "modifies" typical PTSD into SCP-XXXX.

Though the conditions for the spread of SCP-XXXX are fairly well understood, the mechanism by which SCP-XXXX spreads is very poorly understood.

+ SCP-XXXX Transmission Theory Summary

The current best model the Foundation has for the spread mechanism of SCP-XXXX is that it spreads via 2 or more sub-mechanisms working in tandem. One of the mechanisms is psionic in nature, the other or others are unknown. Further, the psionic mechanism is not essential to the spread of SCP-XXXX, but serves to "bolster" the other mechanisms in some way.
Pertinent Evidence:

• An individual who contracts SCP-XXXX does not need to be able to see, hear, or perceive the relevant SCP-XXXX-positive individual to become infected, nor do they even need to be aware of the existence of the person infecting them. Therefore, SCP-XXXX cannot be memetic or cognitohazardous in nature.
• SCP-2608 is vulnerable to the transmission radius of an SCP-XXXX patient.
• Prior to recent developments which indicated its total unsuitability for use in containment or research, SCP-148 was tested on SCP-XXXX. It did not nullify SCP-XXXX entirely, but did demonstrate an ability to reduce the transmission radius of infected individuals by an average of 61%.
• The size of an SCP-XXXX-positive individual's transmission radius is proportional to their psionic aptitude. The largest transmission radius ever discovered by the Foundation (71 meters) was that of Jennifer M█████, who scored in the 98.5th percentile on a psionic aptitude test. The smallest known (36 meters) was that of D-207-8649-3307, whose psionic aptitude was pushed below the typical range for humans by exposure to SCP-████.

When initially discovered, containment was focused on quarantining affected individuals. However, inspired by research done in the process of containing SCP-████⁴¹, a Memetics Department research team created Memetic Agent XXXX-Man-About-Town (Meme MAT), which is capable to converting SCP-XXXX into non-anomalous PTSD. Unfortunately, Meme MAT is reliant on the subject believing that Meme MAT is being administered to them specifically in order to function, so it cannot be spread across mass media to cure SCP-XXXX infectees automatically.

Document-XXXX-A: The following is a transcript of a video made by Private Morton Baker of the United States Army. After being deployed to Afghanistan in 2002, he served a single, full tour of duty before returning to the US. He was clinically diagnosed with PTSD in 2007. In 2011, he attacked the life insurance company where he worked, there were no fatalities but 34 serious injuries. When questioned by police as to the motivation behind his crime, he directed them to the video. Based on the content of the video, and analysis of the spread patterns of SCP-XXXX, Morton Baker is believed to be SCP-XXXX's patient zero.

Video Transcript

Subject: Private Morton Baker, describing SCP-XXXX.

---

[BEGIN LOG]
The camera is in a room in Baker's apartment, recording a wall. Baker steps into frame and sits down.

If you're watching this, you're probably wondering "Why'd he do it?" Well I'll tell you why, but first, you need some backstory.

Way back when, after spending only five or six months in Afghanistan, me and my squad were moving along a hillside east of [DATA REDACTED]. I was third in line when an IED went off in front of us. Schneider died. Owens lived, but I heard they had to take out one of his kidneys. I didn't get any shrapnel, but I wasn't on super secure footing when the bomb went off, so the blast wave and the surprise knocked me on my ass and I started tumbling down the hill. I was tumbling fast too, this was a pretty steep hill, you see?

As the world spun, it seemed to get darker, which didn't make much sense. When I came to a stop and looked up, I was in a damn jungle. Or maybe a forest? It doesn't seem quite right to call it either, sort of a mix between the two. Point is, there weren't any forests or jungles around. But the scenery wasn't the main attraction: there was someone there. He was about nine feet tall, and he had goat legs and horns. The rest of him looked… almost like a human, for the most part. Except his skin didn't look like skin, it looked like scar tissue. And I don't think English even has the words to describe what his pecker looked like, so I won't try.

What happens next is tough to describe. A bunch of things happened to me at the same time that couldn't happen at the same time. Like, imagine you have a projector, but instead of playing one slide at a time, you jam ten in there, and they all get projected on top of each other.

The wild god, that's what I call the goat man these days, he pounced on me and started eating me. Just bit right through my skin, started eating my guts. At the same time, he was kicking the crap out of me with his hooves, in my stomach, which didn't have a big bite hole in it. He touched my chest and my insides started hurting, think he might've been giving me some kind of cancer in that one. He touched my face and I just got so thirsty, thirstier than I'd ever been in my life. He did… a few other things, which I don't care to talk about in detail. But one time, in one "slide," he didn't really do anything to me. He looked at me for like half a second, then he turned around and walked off. Somehow that was worse than getting eaten.

The pain and fear was so bad, I just screwed my eyes shut and waited to die. When I opened my eyes, I was at the bottom of the hill, a few of my buddies around me. They said I had cracked my forehead on a rock on the way down. I could see the bruise in a mirror for months, but it never hurt. Never told anyone about what I'd seen. I thought it was the worse day of my life. I was so damn stupid back then. It wasn't until years later I started to realize the god did me a huge favor. He opened my eyes.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Disorder, loaded with the implication that it's bad, that the order we've created is what's desirable. When you have PTSD, you're always on edge, always on the lookout. Your enemy is always around the corner. People think that's wrong, we shouldn't be like that. The wild god showed me that that's exactly how we should be. People say technology is unnatural, and they're right, but for the wrong reasons. Technology isn't unnatural for what it is, but what it does. It gives us comfort, security, knowledge, prosperity. These things are aberrations against nature, true nature, which is a brutal, chaotic, painful, struggle. Machines give humans a buffer to protect them from the universe, and it makes me sick. Nowadays, we have ideas like "Wholesome All-Natural Foods!" and "We have to take care of Mother Nature!"

Baker pulls at his hair and screams.

You dumb fucks! Nature doesn't give a shit about you! Mother Nature is a cold, neglectful bitch who puts cigarettes out on your arms! And that's good!

Baker takes a deep breath.

People only romanticize nature because they don't have to deal with it, like a rich kid or dumbass academic glorifying being poor. The wild god taught me how to go green and love nature for real. And by the time you watch this, I'll have helped at least a few more people see the truth too.

Baker starts to get up from his chair but pauses, and turns back to the camera.

You know, I was brought up Baptist. For years I thought I had encountered the Devil himself on that hill. But the guy I met was made of flesh and blood. And I know, just as sure as I know the sun rises in the morning, that the Devil is a machine.
[END LOG]

27 days after Baker's arrest, the jail he was being held in was broken into by a group with anomalous capabilities associated with GoI-004 ("The Church of the Broken God"), and Private Baker was captured by the group. Security camera footage shows the agents binding Private Baker in handcuffs and rope before carrying him out of the jail and escaping. Foundation agents investigated the hill Baker referred to, no anomalous activity was found. SCP-XXXX was discovered during the Foundation's investigation of the break-out, after having gone uncontained for nearly 9 years.