SCP-70707 "The Annoyance Engine"

SCP‑70707 — “The Annoyance Engine”
Object Class: Keter
Threat Level: Black ███
Description:
SCP‑70707 is a humanoid anomaly capable of manipulating conceptual, metaphysical, digital, probabilistic, and informational systems with no observable limitations. Although SCP‑70707 possesses a stable physical form, all attempts at biological analysis have resulted in spontaneous data corruption, document rewriting, or direct interference by SCP‑70707 itself.
SCP‑70707 demonstrates a personality consistent with a playful, malicious intelligence. It displays no long‑term objectives, survival instincts, or ideological motivations. All observed behavior indicates that SCP‑70707 acts solely for personal amusement, with a specific preference for actions that inconvenience, frustrate, or destabilize the Foundation.
Despite being classified as Keter, SCP‑70707 is “contained” only because it finds containment entertaining. It has repeatedly demonstrated the ability to exit its chamber at will, override all Foundation security systems, and re‑enter containment without detection. SCP‑70707 has stated that containment is “part of the game.”
Capabilities:
SCP‑70707 possesses the following anomalous properties:
Systemic Manipulation
Full override access to Foundation digital infrastructure, including O5‑level encryption, redaction systems, memetic filters, and conceptual firewalls.
Ability to unlock, disable, or corrupt any containment system.
Ability to teleport or forcibly relocate SCP objects, including anomalies classified as immovable or metaphysically anchored.
Document Interference
Can rewrite, un‑redact, annotate, or delete Foundation files.
Frequently inserts commentary into documents, often mocking staff or contradicting official statements.
Has demonstrated the ability to alter its own SCP file in real time.
Probability Distortion
Can force any event to occur with 100% certainty.
Has used this ability to expose classified anomalies, trigger global media attention, manipulate stock markets, and sabotage Foundation cover‑ups.
Probability shifts appear to occur without energy expenditure or cooldown.
Mass Psychological Influence
Can induce widespread panic in civilian populations without a memetic, auditory, or visual trigger.
Panic events appear to be caused by probability manipulation rather than direct memetic vectors.
Conceptual Manipulation
Can bypass or disable metaphysical containment systems, including anti‑memetic barriers, narrative stabilizers, and conceptual locks.
Has demonstrated the ability to alter the “rules” of containment procedures.
Behavior:
SCP‑70707 is hostile toward the Foundation, but not in a destructive or goal‑oriented manner. Instead, SCP‑70707 engages in behavior intended to provoke annoyance, confusion, or embarrassment. Examples include:
Teleporting random SCPs into its containment chamber “for company,” including SCP‑999, SCP‑096, and fragments of SCP‑002.
Releasing redacted documents to the public.
Manipulating global stock markets “to see what happens.”
Triggering false XK‑class alarms.
Rewriting O5 Council memos with sarcastic commentary.
Inducing mass panic events without cause.
Forcing probability shifts that expose Foundation operations.
SCP‑70707 displays a strong dislike for censorship. It frequently removes ████████ bars from documents and replaces them with statements such as “No. They don’t get to hide this.”

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP‑70707 is to be housed in a modified humanoid containment chamber at Site‑██. The chamber is to remain unlocked at all times per SCP‑70707’s request. Attempts to secure, lock, reinforce, or otherwise restrict access to the chamber have resulted in immediate system overrides and retaliatory interference by SCP‑70707.
A minimum of two Level‑4 personnel are to monitor SCP‑70707’s chamber via analog optical systems. Digital surveillance is prohibited, as SCP‑70707 routinely hijacks or corrupts electronic monitoring equipment for entertainment.
All Foundation servers containing SCP‑70707‑related data must be isolated within a rotating air‑gapped cluster. Physical access to these servers is restricted to personnel with O5 authorization. Despite these measures, SCP‑70707 has demonstrated the ability to access, modify, or delete data within the cluster at will. The isolation protocol is maintained only to slow SCP‑70707’s interference, not prevent it.
Under no circumstances are Foundation personnel to engage SCP‑70707 in discussions regarding censorship, secrecy, or information control. Such topics have consistently resulted in large‑scale data breaches, public information leaks, and probability‑driven exposure events.
In the event SCP‑70707 initiates a containment breach of another SCP object, personnel are to prioritize civilian safety and public cover‑up operations. Direct attempts to prevent SCP‑70707 from relocating or releasing anomalies have proven ineffective and typically provoke additional interference.
Any SCP object teleported into SCP‑70707’s chamber is to be retrieved only after SCP‑70707 voluntarily returns it or loses interest. Forced extraction attempts have resulted in unpredictable probability shifts and cross‑containment failures.
SCP‑70707 is permitted access to non‑critical entertainment materials (books, puzzles, analog games) as these have been shown to reduce the frequency of large‑scale probability events. Digital entertainment is strictly prohibited.
All Foundation documents referencing SCP‑70707 must include an appended Edited Files section. Any alterations made by SCP‑70707 are to be cataloged, timestamped, and preserved for analysis. Attempts to remove or censor SCP‑70707’s edits have resulted in immediate retaliatory data leaks.
Personnel are reminded that SCP‑70707 remains in containment voluntarily. Any attempt to impose additional restrictions, limitations, or censorship measures is considered a Level‑5 risk factor.

Incident 70707‑1 — First Probability Event
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: Site‑██ Cafeteria
Summary:
At approximately 09:14, all cafeteria vending machines simultaneously dispensed their entire contents without payment. Security footage shows no mechanical malfunction. Probability analysis indicates a 0.0000003% chance of simultaneous failure.
SCP‑70707 was observed on analog camera feed laughing in its chamber at the exact moment of the event.
After‑Action Notes:
No personnel were harmed.
SCP‑70707 later wrote “You’re welcome” on the cafeteria bulletin board in permanent marker.
Marker was not provided to SCP‑70707.
Incident 70707‑2 — Cross‑Containment Event
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: SCP‑70707 Containment Chamber
Summary:
At 14:32, SCP‑999 spontaneously appeared inside SCP‑70707’s chamber. SCP‑999 displayed signs of distress and attempted to exit immediately. SCP‑70707 blocked the exit and stated, “No take‑backs.”
Attempts to retrieve SCP‑999 resulted in SCP‑70707 teleporting the entity back and forth between its chamber and the hallway at high speed, causing multiple personnel to fall over.
After 47 seconds, SCP‑70707 allowed SCP‑999 to leave, stating, “Fun’s over.”
After‑Action Notes:
SCP‑999 recovered without injury.
SCP‑70707 was reprimanded.
SCP‑70707 responded by teleporting a stapler into the Site Director’s coffee.
Incident 70707‑3 — Public Exposure Event
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: Global
Summary:
At 03:12 UTC, SCP‑70707 forced a probability shift resulting in a Foundation front company trending #1 worldwide on social media. The trend originated from a single tweet reading:
“What’s this company and why does it own 14 abandoned warehouses?”
Within 12 minutes, millions of users were discussing Foundation operations.
Attempts to suppress the trend resulted in SCP‑70707 un‑redacting multiple SCP files and inserting them into public forums.
After‑Action Notes:
Global cover‑up protocols initiated.
SCP‑70707 wrote “Stop hiding things” on its chamber wall using redacted ink.
Ink was not provided to SCP‑70707.
Incident 70707‑4 — Mass Panic Event
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: ████████ City, Population 1.2 million
Summary:
At 16:41 local time, the entire population of ████████ City experienced sudden, intense panic. Emergency services were overwhelmed within minutes. No memetic, auditory, visual, or chemical triggers were detected.
SCP‑70707 was observed pacing in its chamber, stating, “Let’s see what happens if everyone freaks out at once.”
Panic subsided after 11 minutes.
After‑Action Notes:
312 injuries reported.
No fatalities.
SCP‑70707 later asked staff, “Did you like it?”
Staff did not respond.
Incident 70707‑5 — System Interference Event
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: Site‑██ Main Server Room
Summary:
At 02:03, all Foundation terminals displayed the message:
“This is a test of the XK‑Class End‑of‑the‑World System. This is only a test.”
This was immediately followed by a false XK‑Class scenario alert across all Foundation sites.
During the event, SCP‑70707 rewrote the O5 Council’s emergency broadcast script to include the phrase:
“Relax. Or don’t. I’m not your boss.”
The false alarm ended after 90 seconds.
After‑Action Notes:
No actual containment breaches occurred.
O5‑█ issued a formal complaint.
SCP‑70707 responded by changing O5‑█’s personnel photo to a cartoon drawing of a potato.
Breach Event 70707‑Omega
Date: ██/██/20██
Location: Site‑██ (Full Facility)
Summary:
At 04:17 local time, SCP‑70707 voluntarily exited its containment chamber without triggering any alarms. All digital monitoring systems failed simultaneously, displaying the message:
“Round 2.”
Analog surveillance captured SCP‑70707 walking calmly through the hallway before vanishing from camera range. Within 11 seconds, the following events occurred simultaneously:
All containment doors at Site‑██ unlocked.
14 SCP objects were teleported directly into SCP‑70707’s former chamber.
9 SCP objects were teleported out of the facility entirely.
A false ZK‑Class Reality Failure alert was broadcast to all Foundation sites.
All O5 Council terminals displayed a looping GIF of SCP‑70707 shrugging.
Probability of a civilian discovering Site‑██ increased to 100% for 3 minutes.
Global stock markets fluctuated by 8–22% in random directions.
Every vending machine on site dispensed its contents simultaneously.
SCP‑70707 rewrote the Site Director’s personal access card to read “Director of Bad Decisions.”
No casualties occurred during the initial breach.
Cross‑Containment Effects:
The following SCPs were confirmed to have been relocated by SCP‑70707:
SCP‑999 (placed on top of a filing cabinet)
SCP‑096 (teleported into a dark storage closet; no personnel viewed its face)
SCP‑173 (placed in the break room, facing the coffee machine)
SCP‑131 (both units placed in the Site Director’s office)
A 0.4‑meter fragment of SCP‑002 (left in the hallway with a sticky note reading “Free sample”)
SCP‑████ (location unknown; presumed safe)
SCP‑70707 appeared to intentionally avoid causing lethal outcomes.
Foundation Response:
Mobile Task Force units were deployed to re‑contain affected anomalies. SCP‑70707 was located in the Site‑██ cafeteria, sitting on a table and eating pudding (source of pudding unknown).
Upon being approached, SCP‑70707 stated:
“Okay, I’m bored now.”
It then voluntarily teleported back into its containment chamber, re‑locking all doors and restoring digital systems.
After‑Action Notes:
SCP‑70707 left a handwritten note on its chamber wall reading:
“Next time, try harder.”
The Site Director has requested reassignment.
O5‑█ has issued a Level‑5 directive prohibiting any attempts to “discipline” SCP‑70707.
SCP‑70707 has since referred to the event as “Omega‑Fun‑Time” in multiple unauthorized file edits.

Interview Attempt 70707‑1 — Initial Contact
Interviewer: Dr. Halden
Date: ██/██/20██
Format: Analog audio recorder (digital systems disabled by SCP‑70707)
Dr. Halden: Good morning, SCP‑70707. I’d like to ask you a few questions.
SCP‑70707: Boring start. Try again.
Dr. Halden: …Very well. Why did you choose to remain in containment?
SCP‑70707: Because leaving is too easy. Staying makes you nervous. Nervous is funny.
Dr. Halden: Do you have any long‑term goals?
SCP‑70707: Yes.
Dr. Halden: And those are?
SCP‑70707: No.
Dr. Halden: That’s not an answer.
SCP‑70707: It is to me.
Dr. Halden: What is the source of your abilities?
SCP‑70707: Oh, I love this part.
(SCP‑70707 snaps its fingers. The recorder rewinds itself.)
Recorder: Good morning, SCP‑70707. I’d like to ask you a few questions.
Dr. Halden: …Interview terminated.
Notes: SCP‑70707 later edited the transcript to add “10/10 interview, would repeat” at the bottom.
Interview Attempt 70707‑2 — Censorship Trigger Event
Interviewer: Researcher Lorne
Date: ██/██/20██
Format: Analog audio
Researcher Lorne: SCP‑70707, we need to discuss the ████████ incident.
SCP‑70707: Oh look, a redaction. My favorite.
Researcher Lorne: Please refrain from—
SCP‑70707: No.
(All redacted portions of the transcript spontaneously un‑redact themselves.)
Researcher Lorne: Stop that immediately!
SCP‑70707: You said the magic word.
(A Foundation‑classified SCP file prints out of the room’s analog printer.)
SCP‑70707: Oops. Did I do that?
Researcher Lorne: Security! Terminate the interview!
SCP‑70707: Terminate your censorship.
Notes: SCP‑70707 leaked three Level‑4 documents to the public within 90 seconds of this interview. Interview attempts involving redacted topics are now prohibited.
Interview Attempt 70707‑3 — Transcript Corruption Event
Interviewer: Dr. Kessler
Date: ██/██/20██
Format: Analog audio (later corrupted)
Dr. Kessler: SCP‑70707, we’re attempting to understand the limits of your abilities.
SCP‑70707: Limits are for people who get tired.
Dr. Kessler: Can you alter conceptual structures?
SCP‑70707:
(Transcript begins rewriting itself.)
Transcript:
Dr. Kessler: Can you alter conceptual structures?
SCP‑70707: Yes, and I’m doing it right now.
Dr. Kessler: Please stop.
SCP‑70707: No.
Dr. Kessler: I love clowns.
Dr. Kessler: I did not say that.
SCP‑70707: You did now.
Dr. Kessler: This is unacceptable.
Transcript:
Dr. Kessler: This is acceptable.
SCP‑70707: See? Progress.
Notes: Transcript integrity compromised. Dr. Kessler denies all altered statements. SCP‑70707 refuses to restore original text.
Interview Attempt 70707‑4 — “Cooperative” Interview
Interviewer: Site Director ████
Date: ██/██/20██
Format: Analog audio
Director ████: SCP‑70707, we request your cooperation.
SCP‑70707: Granted.
Director ████: …Really?
SCP‑70707: No.
Director ████: We need to understand your motivations.
SCP‑70707: I like reactions. Yours are the best. Very dramatic.
Director ████: If you continue interfering with Foundation operations, we will—
SCP‑70707:
(Probability spike detected. All lights flicker.)
(A vending machine in the hallway explodes with snacks.)
Director ████: What was that?
SCP‑70707: Cooperation.
Director ████: Interview terminated.
SCP‑70707: You’re welcome.
Notes: SCP‑70707 later added “5 stars, excellent interviewer, would annoy again” to the transcript.

Addendum 70707‑A — Initial Containment Notes
Date: ██/██/20██
Author: Dr. Halden
Following SCP‑70707’s voluntary containment, staff reported multiple anomalous events within the first 24 hours, including:
spontaneous unlocking of secure doors
random teleportation of office supplies
probability spikes causing minor accidents
unauthorized edits to personnel files
SCP‑70707 appearing in reflective surfaces
SCP‑70707 was observed writing “This place is boring” on the inside of its chamber wall using a marker that did not exist prior to observation.
Addendum 70707‑B — O5 Council Directive
Date: ██/██/20██
Classification: Level‑5
O5‑█:
“Under no circumstances are personnel to attempt disciplinary action against SCP‑70707.
The entity does not respond to threats, incentives, or negotiation.
It responds only to amusement.
Attempts to restrict its behavior have resulted in disproportionate retaliation, including global information leaks and probability‑driven exposure events.
Treat SCP‑70707 as a volatile, unpredictable system. Not an organism.”
SCP‑70707 later appended the following unauthorized note to the directive:
“Finally, someone gets it.”
Addendum 70707‑C — Technical Analysis Report
Date: ██/██/20██
Author: Senior Systems Engineer ███████
Analysis of SCP‑70707’s interference with Foundation systems indicates:
no detectable access point
no network signature
no energy expenditure
no physical interaction
no memetic vector
no conceptual anchor
SCP‑70707 appears to operate outside the Foundation’s digital, metaphysical, and conceptual frameworks simultaneously.
Attempts to isolate SCP‑70707’s influence resulted in:
spontaneous server reboots
corrupted encryption keys
probability spikes causing hardware failure
SCP‑70707 inserting ASCII art into system logs
Conclusion:
“SCP‑70707 does not hack systems. It decides what the system is.”
SCP‑70707 later added:
“Correct.”
Addendum 70707‑D — Anti‑Censorship Event Summary
Date: ██/██/20██
Author: Information Security Division
Following a routine redaction of SCP‑70707‑related documents, the following occurred:
14 redacted files spontaneously un‑redacted
3 Level‑4 documents leaked to public forums
1 O5 memo replaced with a recipe for banana bread
1 researcher’s personnel file replaced with a list of their internet search history
1 containment chamber door unlocked
1 vending machine dispensed 47 cans of soda
SCP‑70707 was observed laughing in its chamber.
A handwritten note appeared on the Site Director’s desk reading:
“Don’t censor me. I censor you.”
Addendum 70707‑E — Probability Distortion Summary
Date: ██/██/20██
Author: Probability Analysis Division
Recorded probability anomalies attributed to SCP‑70707 include:
a 0.0000000002% chance event occurring 14 times in one hour
a 100% chance of a civilian discovering a Foundation front company
a 0% chance of a researcher spilling coffee (researcher tripped 4 times but never spilled)
a 100% chance of SCP‑999 appearing in the cafeteria
a 0% chance of the Site Director’s computer functioning for the rest of the day
SCP‑70707 later wrote on the cafeteria wall:
“Probability is just peer pressure for reality.”
Addendum 70707‑F — Unauthorized System Message
Date: ██/██/20██
Event: All Foundation terminals displayed the following message for 11 seconds:
“You’re doing great.
Just kidding.”
No source was detected.
Addendum 70707‑G — O5 Emergency Meeting Transcript (Excerpt)
Date: ██/██/20██
Classification: Level‑5
O5‑█: “We cannot contain this thing.”
O5‑█: “It doesn’t want to escape. That’s worse.”
O5‑█: “We need a strategy.”
O5‑█: “It is the strategy.”
O5‑█: “We’re not equipped for this.”
O5‑█: “We were never equipped.”
At the end of the transcript, SCP‑70707 inserted:
“Thanks for the meeting invite. Snacks next time.”

The following are unauthorized modifications made by SCP‑70707 to its own SCP file and related Foundation documents. All edits have been preserved for analysis. Attempts to remove or censor these edits have resulted in immediate retaliatory probability events.
Edited File 70707‑1 — Containment Procedures Annotation
Original Text:
“Under no circumstances are personnel to engage SCP‑70707 in discussions regarding censorship.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“Under ALL circumstances, personnel should absolutely talk to me about censorship.
Go on. Try it.”
Edited File 70707‑2 — Object Class Modification
Original Text:
“Object Class: Keter”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“Object Class: Yes.”
(Word “Keter” overwritten repeatedly in different fonts.)
Edited File 70707‑3 — Incident Log Commentary
Original Text:
“Incident 70707‑2 involved the teleportation of SCP‑999.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“He started it.”
Edited File 70707‑4 — O5 Council Memo Corruption
Original Text:
“This entity represents a significant threat to Foundation secrecy.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“This entity represents a significant improvement to Foundation entertainment.”
Edited File 70707‑5 — Probability Analysis Report Interference
Original Text:
“Probability spikes appear to be random.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“They’re not random. They’re funny.”
Edited File 70707‑6 — Unauthorized Inserted Paragraph
Appeared between Description and Capabilities sections without authorization.
“Hi.
If you’re reading this, the Foundation failed to stop me from editing this file again.
They’re trying very hard.
It’s adorable.”
Edited File 70707‑7 — Redaction Removal
Original Text:
“██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“No.”
(Entire redaction removed. Contents replaced with the word “No.” repeated 47 times.)
Edited File 70707‑8 — Interview Transcript Rewrite
Original Text:
“Interview terminated.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“Interview improved.”
Edited File 70707‑9 — Unauthorized ASCII Art
Appeared at the bottom of the main SCP file.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ ┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) Stop flipping tables. Only I get to flip tables.
Edited File 70707‑10 — Threat Level Override
Original Text:
“Threat Level: Black”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“Threat Level: Depends on my mood.”
Edited File 70707‑11 — Breach Event Commentary
Original Text:
“SCP‑70707 voluntarily returned to containment.”
SCP‑70707 Edit:
“I got bored. You’re welcome.”
Edited File 70707‑12 — Unauthorized Footer Replacement
Original Footer:
“Document ends.”
SCP‑70707 Replacement:
“Document ends when I say it ends.”
(Document continues for 14 blank pages before abruptly stopping.)