The Flatulence 7

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  Author's Note: No homophobic slurs were intended in this article. The use of the word 'gay' is for entertainment purposes ONLY.
  ⚠️ Content warning: This article contains the naughty word 'gay' and references to coarse language.

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⚠️ content warning

by TheFlatulence

Item#: ES-J

Level6

Containment Class:

keter

Secondary Class:

{$secondary-class}

Disruption Class:

amida

Risk Class:

critical

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-ES-J is to be killed at all cost [EDIT OVERRIDE] KILL THIS MUTTER FARKING SON OF A BLEACH ON SIGHT I SWEAR IF I HEAR ONE MORE "ENGLISH OR ESPAÑOL" I'M GONNA ENGLISH HIS SPANISH ~Polite request from O5-5

[EDIT RIGHTS RETURNED] Erm, yeah all righty boss. SCP-ES-J is to be killed at all costs. Staff are required to bring either a white noise producer (recommended) or wear ear plugs (flawed) so as to cancel out the anomaly's voice-enabled ability to freeze humanoids upon uttering the words along the lines of "Whoever moves first is gay." OH SHIT HE'S HERE obcntjhelofpjbruttfbjutfrkfjnofffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[It seems that you may have a SPaG error! Let me stop you for a moment. I see what you were trying to type!]

[Amended sentence:] Oh I can't help but jerk off.

[EDIT] ↑ OH MODERATORSSSSSSS ↑ PROFESSOR STEINER CAUGHT LACKINGGGGGGG ~Prof. W. Barnes
[EDIT] Snitch ~Prof. H. Jackman
[EDIT] Snitch ~Dr. A. Boner
[EDIT] Snitch chain ↓ ~Prof. Molhill
[EDIT] Snitch ~Prof. V. Ruca
[EDIT] Snitch ~Prof. F. Lor
[EDIT] Snitch ~Dr. C. Rack
[EDIT] Snitch ~Dr. P. Lopez
[EDIT] I don't think he could help it Barnes ~Dr. Kave Man
[EDIT] Bruh you broke the chain ~Prof. P. Nutt

► ARCHIVED CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES

SCP-ES-J (or SCP-English-or-Spanish-J) is to be contained in a secure humanoid containment cell at Site-19 upon re-capture.¹ Interaction with SCP-ES-J is to be limited to essential testing and research personnel. All personnel are advised not to answer any linguistic-related questions posed by SCP-ES-J unless approved by the Site Director. Under no circumstances should personnel respond to the anything along the lines of the phrase “English or Spanish?” or risk triggering SCP-ES-J's primary anomalous effect.²

SCP-ES-J (Hover mouse over image)

Description:
SCP-ES-J is an adult male humanoid, previously identified as Alfonso ██████, a known social media influencer from ████ Ohio. Alfonso was responsible for the creation of a viral prank video series on TikTok where he approached individuals in public places and asked, “Do you speak English or Spanish?” Following their response, he would issue the statement: “Whoever moves first is gay.”

SCP-ES-J’s anomalous effects manifested following the exponential viral spread of this meme in early 20██. Once the meme gained traction, individuals within SCP-ES-J’s vicinity (up to a 10-meter radius) would become involuntarily frozen if they responded to his initial question, irrespective of their language choice. The paralysis effect lasts as long as SCP-ES-J remains within visual contact of the target and actively engaged in the "standoff." "Alfonso" was secured in the late month of April, but escaped when he managed to sneak into the infocomm room and asked through the PA system to the entire foundation the query: "English or Spanish?" after incapacitating two guards on-watch. After 3 minutes and 23 seconds elapsed, Professor P. Diddy moved first, stating: "It doesn't apply to me."

Discovery:
SCP-ES-J came to the Foundation’s attention after multiple reports of prolonged, inexplicable paralysis were reported at various public locations. Following a viral video where Alfonso engaged a crowd of 15 people in a single challenge that left them paralyzed for over 12 hours, Foundation agents intercepted him. The anomaly was confirmed when attempts to engage with SCP-ES-J resulted in exactly 69 field agents freezing in place.³

Additional Anomalous Properties:
While the original meme was conducted in English and Spanish, SCP-ES-J has demonstrated fluency in every known language. If an individual responds to his question in a language other than English or Spanish, SCP-ES-J seamlessly transitions to that language, repeating the challenge. The anomaly does not stop at spoken languages; SCP-ES-J has also responded in American Sign Language (ASL) when approached by a deaf individual.⁴

Addendum

Addendum.ES-J.1: Incident SCP-ES-J-01:

► Show?

Subject: SCP-ES-J

Date: 03/15/J

Description: During initial containment, SCP-ES-J asked Dr. Luna, "Do you speak English or Spanish?" out of protocol. Dr. Luna attempted to respond in Japanese to break the expected pattern. SCP-ES-J switched to fluent Japanese and repeated the challenge, causing Dr. Luna to freeze in place for approximately 47 minutes. SCP-ES-J terminated the challenge when Dr. Luna’s phone rang, briefly breaking his concentration. No harm was reported.

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Addendum.ES-J.2: Incident SCP-ES-J-02:

► Show?

Date: 05/04/J

Description: D-11432, a deaf volunteer, was instructed to engage SCP-ES-J. SCP-ES-J approached D-11432 and communicated using American Sign Language (ASL), initiating the phrase: "Do you sign in English or Spanish?" D-11432 hesitated, and upon returning the sign, immediately became paralyzed. The challenge lasted for 2 hours and 22 minutes, after which SCP-ES-J terminated the interaction, satisfied that D-11432 “held out well.”

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Addendum.ES-J.3: Incident SCP-ES-J-03:

► Show?

Date: 07/12/J

Description: SCP-ES-J was asked to engage with a polyglot researcher capable of responding in multiple languages, including Latin, Russian, and Swahili. SCP-ES-J successfully switched between each language as the researcher attempted to outsmart the entity. After 3 hours, SCP-ES-J remarked, “That’s impressive,” and voluntarily ceased the challenge. The researcher later reported mild cognitive strain but no lasting effects, as well as complaining about "sacrificing his straightening".

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Addendum.ES-J.4: Note.ES-J.1:

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Overview: Efforts are currently being made to understand SCP-ES-J’s sudden acquisition of multilingual abilities. Linguistic analysis suggests that SCP-ES-J’s knowledge of languages may not be inherent, but rather a reflection of the global exposure his meme received during its viral spread. It is theorized that SCP-ES-J’s memetic nature has tied his abilities to language patterns and phrases that spread through social media, suggesting a strong link between modern digital communication and anomalous behavior.

Testing Notes:
Further testing has been suspended pending review by the Site Ethics Committee due to concerns over SCP-ES-J's memetic influence. Casual conversation with SCP-ES-J is strictly forbidden, and personnel are reminded that responding to his question, in any language, will result in immediate paralysis.

Termination Protocol:
At present, no plans exist to neutralize SCP-ES-J, as the entity has demonstrated no violent tendencies. However, the possibility of large-scale memetic spread outside containment warrants continuous monitoring of SCP-ES-J's online presence.

[EDIT] Never mind kill the guy. ~O5-1

Note: As of September J, there have been no further reported civilian casualties or mass paralysis incidents attributed to the “English or Spanish” meme. However, the Foundation is keeping all social media platforms under surveillance to prevent any resurgence.

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Addendum.ES-J.5: Discussion.ES-J.1:

► Show?

Date: 01/08/J

Overview: Doctors J. Parker, M. Luna and K. Mason discuss SCP-ES-J.

<Begin Log>

Dr. Parker:
All right, team, let’s talk about SCP-ES-J. I know everyone thinks it's hilarious, but we need to be professional. So, where are we with testing?

Dr. Luna:
Right, professional. Like the time you froze for two hours because you tried to respond in French?

Dr. Parker:
Hey! How was I supposed to know he speaks French too? Look, the memo only mentioned English and Spanish. If I had known he had Duolingo on steroids, I would've said something simpler.

Dr. Mason:
That was nothing. You should’ve seen it when he switched to Esperanto. Some poor intern thought he’d found the one language SCP-ES-J couldn't speak. Ten minutes later, the kid was staring into the distance like he’d just seen God—except God was speaking perfect constructed international auxiliary language. I don’t think the niño’s recovered.

Dr. Luna:
Yeah, remember when we got the D-Class to respond with ASL? The guy thought he was safe—turns out Alfonso ██████’s fluent in sign language too. His hands were a blur. It was like watching Eminem doing Naruto ninjitsu, but with higher stakes.

Dr. Parker:
Higher stakes? He just freezes people! It’s not like they die or anything.

Dr. Mason:
I dunno, Parker. After being stuck in one position for six hours, your back feels like it’s about to fold into origami. And, fun fact, did you know SCP-ES-J gets bored after a while and starts asking random questions like, “What’s your favorite sandwich?” Try ignoring that one when you’re in the middle of a “don’t move” death match.

Dr. Luna:
The “sandwich question” is brutal. Last week, Agent Johnson cracked under pressure and muttered “PB&J.” Bam. Instant trauma.

Dr. Parker:
Okay, so, here’s the real question: How do we stop this thing? If it can speak every language known to humanity—and even the dead ones—what are we supposed to respond with?

Dr. Mason:
Have you tried just ignoring him? I mean, what’s he going to do if we just pretend we didn’t hear?

Dr. Luna:
Yeah, I tried that. You know what happened? He just stared at me. I could feel his eyes burning a hole through my soul. After a while, I couldn't take it anymore. I twitched. You know what happens if you twitch, right?

Dr. Parker:
Let me guess: you lose.

Dr. Luna:
Exactly. And then I spent the next 45 minutes re-evaluating my life choices while SCP-ES-J made small talk about 16th-century German architecture. I can’t even be mad. It was… actually pretty interesting.

Dr. Mason:
Speaking of which, who taught him ancient Greek? The last test we ran, he switched mid-sentence and started philosophizing like Socrates. D-Class █████ was just standing there, sweating bullets. We had to intervene before the poor guy collapsed.

Dr. Parker:
We need a strategy. What if we just respond with complete nonsense? Like, what if we ask him, “Do you speak Klingon or Huttese?” Surely he doesn’t know fictional languages.

Dr. Luna:
You do remember that one time when Dr. █████ tried speaking Elvish, right? SCP-ES-J responded like he’d been to Middle-Earth on vacation. Don’t even get me started on his perfectly accurate Orc impression.

Dr. Mason:
He even started calling people “filthy Hobbits”. Honestly, that might’ve been the best part of this whole thing. I almost moved just because I was laughing too hard. But seriously, guys, SCP-ES-J is like a walking linguistic nightmare.

Dr. Parker:
Okay, what if we bring in a professional mime? They don’t speak at all. Just gesture. What’s Alfonso going to do then?

Dr. Luna:
He’ll probably respond with interpretive dance. At this point, nothing surprises me anymore. He’d break out the macarena just to win the challenge.

Intern M. Pold: (Off camera) EHHHHHHHH MACARENA!

Dr. Mason:
(Turns behind) Go away Mike! Anyway, SCP-ES-J: The Ultimate Memer. Honestly, I don’t even think we should try to stop him anymore. We just need to embrace it. Next time, I’m wearing a “Whoever Moves First Loses” shirt. Maybe he’ll respect the dedication.

Dr. Parker:
Right. I’m sure that’ll definitely keep you from being paralyzed for four hours.

Dr. Mason:
Why don't we practice? English or Spa-

Dr. Parker and Dr. Luna:
(In unison) NO-

<End Log>

No further notes.

---

Addendum.ES-J.6: Security Footage.ES-J.1/Brainrot:

► Show?

Date: 14/08/J

Overview: Doctors C. Eli and D. Thomas (both 21) discuss about SCP-ES-J, before the anomaly appears off-camera approximately 3 minutes later and causes a disruption.

<Begin Footage>

Dr. Thomas: (takes a big bite of his sandwich) “Yo, Eli, have you seen the latest on SCP-ES-J? It’s like, mad lit right now. The way it's bending reality is just insane!”

Dr. Eli: “No cap! I was just reading about it. The fact that it can mess with time and space? That's kinda sus, you know? Like, how does it even work?”

Dr. Thomas: “Right? It’s honestly giving me major brain-rot vibes. I mean, it's like this anomaly is just a meme come to life. I feel like I’m stuck in a Skibidi Toilet episode or something!”

Dr. Eli: “Bruh, for real! The Skibidi Ohio rizz is strong with this one. Imagine if it pulled us into some alternate reality where toilets are the supreme beings. We’d be done for!”

Dr. Thomas: “Can you even? I’d probably just sit there like, ‘What even is happening?’ But you know, in a weird way, I’m kinda low key here for the chaos. It adds some excitement to the usual grind here.”

Dr. Eli: “Totally! And let’s be real, that SCP has more drip than half the researchers around here. It’s like the G.O.A.T. of all anomalies! Who knew something so bizarre could be so stylish?”

Dr. Thomas: “For sure! And the way it flexes its powers? Major sigma energy! But at the same time, it's kinda cringe how obsessed some people are getting over it. Like, chill, it’s just an anomaly!”

Dr. Eli: “Facts! I mean, there’s gotta be a line, right? But hey, I get it. The tea on SCP-ES-J is juicy. Everyone’s out here yapping about the next containment breach like it’s some viral TikTok challenge. It really hits different!”

Dr. Thomas: “Ain’t that the truth? But let’s keep it real—what if it goes full savage one day? Like, we’re just chilling here, and then bam, reality shifts on us. That’d be a big L for sure!”

Dr. Eli: “Honestly, I’d be salty if that happened. Just put the fries in the bag, bro! We can’t let that go down. We gotta stay on our toes, no cap.”

Dr. Thomas: nods “Exactly! And we can’t let our aura get messed up. We need to keep it positive and avoid any delulu moments while we figure this whole thing out.”

Dr. Eli: “Definitely! And if it gets too wild, I’m hitting that yeet button for sure! No way I’m going down with this ship. I’d rather be out there living my best life!”

Dr. Thomas: “Bet! But hey, let’s keep the vibes bussin’ while we tackle SCP-ES-J. And if you discover anything wild, don’t forget to share it with the crew, fam!”

Dr. Eli: “Of course! Gotta keep everyone in the loop. If we manage to contain this thing, we’ll be the Rizzlers of the Foundation! Everyone will wanna hear our stories!”

Dr. Thomas: “Haha, for real! We’ll be the OG legends of SCP lore. Just imagine the mogs we’d be after that. Anyway, let’s finish up these sandwiches and get back to work before we get dog-water for slacking off!”

SCP-ES-J: (off-camera, pokes head through cafeteria door) "In the name of all Skibidi Jonklers, I hereby decree that whoever within a 1 kilometre radius moves before me is gay!"

(Silence)

5 minutes later:

SCP-049: (Walks in, looks around) "Why has everyone stopped moving?"

<End Footage>

---

Addendum.ES-J.7: Discussion.ES-J.2:

► Show?

Date: 01/12/J

Overview: Dr. Jones and Dr. Matthews sit in the Site-19 breakroom during lunch, eating sandwiches. As they chew, their conversation drifts toward SCP-ES-J.

<Begin Log>

Dr. Matthews:
So, let’s say we get caught in Alfonso’s game while we’re eating, like right now. Mid-bite. What do you think happens?

Dr. Jones:
Mid-bite? Oh, man, that’d be the worst. You’ve got this perfect sandwich lined up, and boom—he hits you with, “Inglés o español?” You freeze halfway to your mouth. Just sitting there like an idiot with a sandwich hanging in the air.

Dr. Matthews:
Worse—you actually take the bite, but you’re stuck with a chunk of sandwich in your mouth. You can’t chew, you can’t swallow. Just… a giant glob of turkey and mayo locked in your cheeks. Pure, edible torture.

Dr. Jones:
I’d die happy, at least. I mean, look at this thing. Perfect ratio of turkey, cheese, and mayo. But yeah, just sitting there, mouth full of sandwich, while Alfonso chats in 17 languages? That’s how you break a man.

Dr. Matthews:
No kidding. But imagine if you were drinking something! Halfway through a sip of Coke, then BAM—you’re doing a human fountain impression for five hours. Just… frozen mid-swig, soda pouring out of your mouth like a damn garden hose.

Dr. Jones:
Oh man, the cleanup would be awful. You’d come out of it with Coke all over your shirt, table soaked, everyone else laughing their heads off. Meanwhile, Alfonso’s over there lecturing you on the history of linguistics in Taetae tuanghiurhíaozceseavoaozowaiaai. Yes I searched it up.

Dr. Matthews:
And you can’t even defend yourself! You’re just frozen in place while they call in a mop. Honestly, it’s the food torture I’d be worried about. You’re starving, can’t move, and you’re just staring at your sandwich, helpless.

Dr. Jones:
Cold bread’s the real crime. You think you can handle SCP-ES-2024, but when that sandwich turns room temperature? It’s game over.

Dr. Matthews:
So what if we… prep for it? Pre-emptively take a bite before Alfonso gets going. Chew quickly, swallow, and stare him down with a mouthful of confidence.

Dr. Jones:
You’re thinking speed-eating as a strategy? Man, if you mistime that, you’ll be stuck with sandwich chunks in your mouth for hours. That’s a one-way ticket to choke city.

Dr. Matthews:
At least I’d have a sandwich with me. Better than being frozen empty-handed, right? Imagine—frozen mid-move, no food. Meanwhile, Alfonso’s just standing there, and your stomach’s growling like a wild animal.

Dr. Jones:
What if you took the other route? Just slide the sandwich across the table. Offer it to him.

Dr. Matthews:
Oh, sure! A sandwich truce? Yeah, let’s see if Alfonso, the Master of Memes, wants to break bread. Bet he’d freeze me just for trying to be polite.

Dr. Jones:
Or worse, he’d respond in fluent Klingon. No moving, but now he’s casually discussing intergalactic diplomacy over ham and cheese. At least we’d both be stuck together. What do you think Alfonso’s sandwich of choice would be, anyway?

Dr. Matthews:
Probably something ridiculous, like a croque-monsieur. Fancy and hard to eat. The kind of sandwich that makes you feel inferior while you’re stuck with your sad PB&J.

Dr. Jones:
I’d bet on pita bread. Compact, easy to hold during a standoff. The guy seems like a strategist.

Dr. Matthews:
Pita? You think Alfonso’s a pita guy? That’s bold. He’s probably got olives in there too, like some sort of sandwich intellectual.

Dr. Jones:
Hey, we can’t all be turkey-and-mayo geniuses, Matthews.

Dr. Matthews:
Let’s not pretend, Jones. The second Alfonso walks in here and asks, “English or Spanish,” we’re both frozen. Doesn’t matter what we’re eating. We’ll be statues, with sandwiches for company.

Dr. Jones:
And you know someone’s taking pictures. We’d be on the Foundation’s Christmas card. “Happy Holidays from your favorite frozen idiots at Site-19.”

Dr. Matthews:
At least we’d make the slideshow for the new recruits. “Here’s why you don’t challenge a sandwich while fighting an SCP.”

Dr. Jones:
I’d be honored. “Caught in mid-bite, but never let the sandwich drop.” They’ll put that on my tombstone.

Dr. Matthews:
“Froze to death, but damn, he held that sandwich.” I’d attend your funeral for that one. Solid.

Dr. Jones:
Anyway, I’m finishing this sandwich before Alfonso strolls in here looking for a linguistic fight. I’m not losing today. Not to him.

[They continue eating in silence for a few moments, mentally preparing for the possibility of SCP-ES-J walking in any second.]

<End Log>

Footnotes

1. I couldn't help it, I had to stop moving. Sorry he got away. My bad. ~Guard 8008

2. See Incident ES-J-01 for further details.

3. The 70th agent was on medical leave due to contracting Ligma.

4. As seen in Addendum.ES-J.2

‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"The Flatulence 7" by TheFlatulence, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/the-flatulence-7. Licensed under CC BY-SA.

For information on how to use this component, see the License Box component. To read about licensing policy, see the Licensing Guide.

Filename: WW
Author: TheFlatulence (myself)
License: CC0
Source Link: http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/scp-english-or-spanish-j/WW
Additional Notes: Original: https://www.mundodeportivo.com/us/en/20240707/694463/watch-the-most-viral-video-of-the-english-or-spanish-tiktok-trend.html, CC-BY, credits to mundodeportivo & Alfonso Pinpon